Pooetry

YO! Is Mario coming to work today, cuz i heard that boy is out 6!

2012-02-01T07:18:00.000-08:00

there was once a time when I was the lone bear in the axiom technology cave. you might be asking yourself “how poogene? how could one person possibly support 6 users?” well… i think we all know the answer to that one. since i am half-man / half-amazing, i was able to deftly respond to the 4 problems a week we were having. but then over the course of the next 5 years something unexpected happened and jolted me out of my SPANX® for Men. we grew at an alarming rate and thus more problems needed to be resolved, more solutions needed to be provided and I was not ready to just up and stop googling myself all day.
something had to be done- somebody had to make up for my slack…
peering frantically across the room, mine eyes landed on a grinning knave busting away at excel spreadsheets. his name was Mario Browne and he was the new accounting temp. he extended his hand out to greet me and i traced his hand up his arm and at the end was a smile as wide as the world wide web. well, I mean- his mouth isn’t actually on his shoulder, it’s on his face. i don’t mean that his arm comes out of his mouth, I’m just trying to be poeti-

anyways. dude- that’s not the point.… he joined me 6 years ago and i showed him everything i knew. 12 minutes later he asked if i knew anything else. he has a learning curve that’s so steep, it’s like more like a vertical line. as he quickly came to speed on helping out with tech, order was restored. i could finally go back to spending the precious, necessary hours in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror.

boy wonder has more patience than Bellevue, more smarts than an ass-whoopin, and our attorneys adore him. as do we. as do i… he’s a huge part of our family and our culture. how axiom played a huge part in his personal journey from barbados is one of our best stories. i’m so glad we took a chance on this lanky 19 year old bajan. i’ve no idea where i’d be without him

happy six years mb.

i love you homey,

poo!

damn straight

2012-01-23T09:32:00.001-08:00

this time it's different...

2012-01-10T20:03:00.000-08:00

this time it's sad as in a death

because this time i think i'm done fighting for it and it's really over. it's strange... this summer and the low points of this year were some of the worst i can remember. waaay worse than getting run over by the freight truck and when it came to tears over the summer, there were very little or none.

last night was different. the only two things that ever depress me are heartbreak and death. death is so confusing and out of our control and larger than life that in comparison it makes most breakups seem trivial. mind you i have thankfully never been through a homicide or violent death, butt when you are going through heartbreak there is rejection and there is ego and it clouds judgement in everything.

i mean i don't know what i'm ever talking about, butt anushow this time was different. last night i sobbed a deluge. and it was different. like a death. it was free of ego and rejection wasn't really an issue. it was pure sadness that it was over and with it a token of peace that it was going to be okay.

whereas these feelings were much more real than last summers, last summer hit me on the had like a jackhammer and the pain was much deeper and masked.

this is the admission that it's over and i should give up the fight for what i so believed to be true for about a year now.

i care so much for her. i love it when she gets really silly and scrunches her nose when she laughs really hard, i love it when she plays characters, i love it when she hugs me and shakes up and down, i love it when we snugs on weekend mornings, i love it when we're doin the deed, i love it when we fart, i love it when you do the karate chop boxing punch tilt head dance when you sing, i love it, i love it, i love it.

so many good things butt we i guess we can't seem to get some essential things in order to make it work and it's gone on too long.

it's just sad that i have to surrender, but sometimes you do.

and i'll be okay.

bye bye angel face.

farts vs. burps

2012-01-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

somehow through the ages i think we were led to believe that farts are socially less acceptable than burps. not sure how this happened butt i'd like to state my argument for farting...

for some reason farts have a bad reputation for smelling bad. this can be true or not true i guess. butt burps are usually disgusting because you smell the persons not yet digested food mixed with their breath. i think. i mean it's kinda like the argument of sausage vs. bacon. bacon is wonderful, butt there are a thousand different varieties of sausage and to me at least bacon is not better than a nice hot italian sausage. bacon is better than most wursts, which to me is just a hot dog- but not the italian stuff...

maybe that doesn't make much sense, butt here's the deal. i don't know if you've ever walked into a fog of someone's burp butt the faces i usually make after doing so is one of disgust and intolerance. i don't like it and it's not a happy feeling at all. it's just gross. maybe i'm biased because i once remember i was hiking on acid with some fat dude with bad acne and he kept burping and i grew to hate him and burps all togeths. i'm also korean and the burps you get after a heavy meal of short ribs and kimchee aren't cool at all.

farts on the other hand depending on if the person eats a lot of cabbage and nothing else, doesn't have to smell that bad at all. sometimes they are odorless and nothing butt happy fun jovial squeaks. don't get me wrong, i've been around farts that are the product of mcdonalds, meth, soda, and cigarettes- and the end result is a brand of fart smell that is confusing. i remember laying one of these while driving cross country and even though i iknew i just expunged something i could have sworn i was driving by some chemical sewer treatment plant because the smell could not have been man made. butt the important thing to note here was that was putrid as it was and even though everyone in the car made a horrible weird anguished face gesture, i'd have to say that after people were laughing in disbelief and there was a camaraderie shared amongst us and we were elated...

well. maybe not elated, butt people were laughing-

or umm.. mebbe it was just me.

anushow, that's my argument. i think farts are generally a happier thing than burps, less grotesque, and should be more socially acceptable. i think we should start young and teach our children this early.

okay.

bye.

bob loblaw...

2012-01-07T21:44:00.000-08:00

i just played a game and the name scott baio just came up and i found out his name on arrested development was bob loblaw.

that was about 5 days ago. i still can't believe how ingenious that is.

okay

bye

Angels Trailer!

2011-10-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

preview for my new show!

yay!

Angels of Swedenborg from culturehub on Vimeo.

jobless...

2011-10-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

i remember in the 1981 when my parents spent 5000 dollars on an apple IIe computer and all i did was stay home and write these programs in basic i would learn in magazines and it was the funnest shit ever. i had the gay pride apple sticker on everything back then. then i ended up working in technology and we were born in the same city and i did a buncha drugs and alt lifestyle and you fit in perfectly. i watch biographies about you and marveled at your tenacity for perfection. you were a mini hero in my life and i love you.

thanks for changing the world-

pootopes!

2011-07-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the 100 Poos that made it out for Pootopia 2011. Pictures from the evening can be found at http://pootopia2011.shutterfly.com. Enjoy!

http://pootopia2011.shutterfly.com

Subject: A surprise party for Poo!

It’s OK to admit that you sometimes wish you were someone else. That you sometimes think, “if only I could be different.” I want thicker hair. I want to pull off ludicrously daring fashion choices. I want sun-kissed olive skin and ripped abs.

What you want, deep down in your subconscious, is to be Eugene the Poogene. And that’s ok, because dammit, that’s what we all want.

So what we have in the works, fellow Poogene-lovers, what I want to put before you at this moment, is an epic surprise party for Poo. A “Pootopia.” It’s apropos of nothing, which is the best way to execute a surprise. It’s not his birthday, or his anniversary, or anything like that. This is a party we’re throwing simply because we love that MF the way a fat kid loves cake.

What makes it even better is that we have an opportunity here to give Poo his idea of the ultimate gift: Being surrounded by a bunch of people that look exactly like him. How, you ask? By dressing like him. That’s the theme of the Pootopia. Come dressed as Eugene the Poogene.

The Poo of your soul

=

The Poo that lays hidden deep inside you

Let that inner Poo come out.

The details of Pootopia are these.

Fact: Pootopia begins on Friday June 24 at 8pm
Fact: Pootopia will be held at Tacombi (267 Elizabeth Street)
Fact: At Pootopia, we will all dress as Eugene the Poogene
Fact: At Pootopia, food and drinks will be served from taco trucks parked inside the venue
Fact: Poo will be escorted to Pootopia under the guise of a private dinner, and he will have no idea what awaits him
Fact: I will be texted upon Poo’s approach, so that everyone can start chanting “Poo Gene! Poo Gene!”, and he will hear it from way down the street, which will completely freak his s#$! out
Fact: I’ve sure I’ve left some important people off of this chain so please feel free to forward along the invitation to other Poogene lovers
Please let me know if you can make it/if you have any questions.

Be there.

Liana

pootopia

2011-06-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

umm.

hi.

um. This probably isn’t going to make much sense to you, but I’m pretty sure I just woke up from what must have been a dream.

In this dream I was traipsing along Houston street with a couple of loved ones and we was just talking and laughing as good friends do. I began to feel good about myself. I began to feel so good about myself that as we hooked a left on Elizabeth st, I heard some voices in my head chanting “poogene! poogene! poogene!” I turned to my friends and was like, “do you hear that? do you hear the glorious narcissistic voices in my head too?”

my friend then opens up these enormous gates that swing wide open into an enchanted kingdom whereupon I encountered a sea of beautiful people that look like poogene with hair almost as good as poogene and they’re all chanting “poogene!” (lil’ self-indulge I know, but it’s my dream.)

The first thing that came to my mind was, “holy shit. taco’s. I’m starving”

but you guys wanna know what the second thing that came to my mind was?

I looked across the poogene sea and upon closer inspection I saw that inside of each “poogene with hair almost as good as poogene” was you all. and that there is what it is. If there’s any special sauce I am bringin to the table, it’s because of you guys. If I seem to be dancing on sunshine whenever you’re around, please understand that it’s because you’re around. It’s all this beautiful magical cycle that I refuse to take credit for because if I happen to light up a room by chance, it’s a direct cause and effect of how you make me feel. It’s very important that you know this. It’s going to be on the exam. So dig it-

I just love you so fucking much is all.

So when I saw you as all as poogene last night, it all made sense because what I really saw is that it’s all of you that make me who I am.

I’m so incredibly fortunate to have you all in my life and I don’t understand how it happened, but I promise to never take it for granted and I pray that it never stops.

thank you family. so much

eugene the poogene

ps- I ran to the bathroom, - and this is the strangest part of the whole dream. there were no mirrors… just so you know. if this was truly my dream. there would be mirrors.

Please don’t reply to this email. I’m still digesting.

test

2011-05-05T10:48:00.000-07:00

test

http://theater.nytimes.com/2006/05/24/theater/reviews/24phae.html

http://www.nytheatre.com/showpage.aspx?s=immo11829

http://newyork.metromix.com/restaurants/standard_photo_gallery/the-food-experiments-national/2820132/photo/2823981

http://liachang.wordpress.com/2009/06/01/lia-chang-asclepius-at-lamama/

http://offoffbroadway.broadwayworld.com/article/ANGELS-OF-SWEDENBORG-Opens-La-MaMas-50th-1027-20110926

die nasty

2011-03-12T00:48:00.000-08:00

"The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer."

-joan collins

"The beauty in love is not in the receiving but in the giving"

- i dunno was it really donal?

save rays!

2011-03-12T00:41:00.000-08:00

so today was my first day on the job! i put in about ehhh.... 3 solid hours at the legendary ray's candy store in the east village. i got to make egg creams, quick math, ice cream shakes, coffee, egg creams, cheese fries, deep fried oreos. everyone gets fries there. that is the big mover. it was pretty fun i must admit. i would say over the course of 50 people, 45 were interesting to talk to and 2 were stunning. the problem was that i have nice clothes and that place will make me smell like a deep fryer when i leave. billya showed me the ropes.

also hung out with my go to gal for the first time in two years. sweetheart. so glad she's not a hooker. it was crazy that i was so obsessed with her 4 years ago. we don't have much in common and now that i'm not as inspired by her like that anymore my shit must not be as funny so she yawns after about 3 hours with me.

hmm...

i was tight at rays today tho! there was old bay salt and i told them to old bay their parents. people asked me if they fry anything there and what i like to fry. i said since i was asian, i liked to fry kites.

hm.

g'nite!

wonder woman

2011-03-10T14:02:00.000-08:00

it's totally like it. sick all day... quick fix makes me feel great for a minnit and then crash.

assive aggressive

2011-03-10T12:48:00.000-08:00

oh man... this is going to be difficult. today is agaonizing. sleeping was nonexistent last night. i keep on stepping outside of myself and slapping myself telling myself to man the fuck up. nothing ever happened. it's amazing that i felt something after a very prologed numbness. i'm glad that the (somewhat crazy and destructive) passion still exists in me, i just uhh... wish direct it somewheres... pathetic. i think since i have to distance, i'll write over here where you can't see. like hidden on this public blog that is open to the world. i love you, mind... but sometimes you are evil. idjut.

the blue light was my lady, the red light was my mind....

2011-03-07T18:22:00.001-08:00

i wanna listen to your music
i wanna play my music for you
i wanna take you down the coast of california and camp in big sur
i wanna run rocks with you in tuolomne meadows
i wanna sleep under the stars with you in yosemite
i wanna make fun of you
i wanna laugh with you all day all night, all the time
i wanna write magic with you
i wanna buy silly trinkets for you
i wanna meetcha to my mom
i wanna make stupid movies with you
i wanna take care of you
i wanna be taken care of by you
i wanna still look good for you while i still got it
i wanna see how this feeling that is foreign to me evolves
i wanna stay at home and cook food together
i wanna get high and go see art with you
i wanna see the world with you
i wanna read the paper with you while we eat the brunch that
i wanna make with you
i wanna pack lunches with you
i wanna ride bikes with you
i wanna kiss you soft
i wanna kiss you hard
i wanna explore new parts of the city with you
i wanna eat chinese food late at night with you
i wanna read books that you recommend
i wanna hear you say get over yourself
i wanna have you help me design my apartment
i wanna hear you tell me to clip my disgusting toenails
i wanna have you around to help tell me when to shower
i wanna just hang out around my house just being myself...

with you.

that kinda shit.

but doorknobs got in the way.

fuck.

thatzit!

2011-02-12T21:39:00.000-08:00

i cannot WAIT until mondee. by then my zit will have gone away...

Theater Review (NYC): Immortal: The Gilgamesh Variations - Culture - Blogcritics

2011-01-25T21:59:00.000-08:00

Theater Review (NYC): Immortal: The Gilgamesh Variations - Culture - Blogcritics

Best Ever

2010-05-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

sneezy like sunday morning...

2010-04-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

am i getting so picky with women that i don't think i could be with a half sneezer? the ones that don't do the "choo" when they sneeze?

i'm fucked.

scoot the boot

2010-03-31T07:35:00.000-07:00

let it be known that i eugene the poogene, think scooting on my fireball vespa is fun but am not too concerned with the security of it. i like bicycling better and scooting kinda stresses me out. if it gets stolen or whatever, i'm fine with it and it probably will save my life...

yay!

2010-02-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

roman and sandy are engaged!

2010-01-12T20:33:00.001-08:00

so i cooked them a din din...

thank you califonia...

2009-12-29T21:49:00.000-08:00

5 weeks in the most glorious state in the union-

saw my brethren in the oc, caught bebel in san diego, went to a wedding in los angeles, strolled along carmel by the sea, fell in love in big sur, had dinner in monterey, new addition to the family in belmont, skater friends reunion in oakland, high school reunion in san carlos, met my brother's new wife in st. helena, lived with my family in the mission in san francisco, made out with a tranny at the endup.

well... i'm at the airport. all my bye's this time were quick because i felt so emotional inside and i didn't want to break down. for the first time in my ten years of living in new york, i don't wanna go back. been to ten cities and saw tens of loved ones that i really really love.

back to fuckin' cold ass new york where they run over ankles.

"Thank you for your wine california
Thank you for your sweet and bitter fruits
Yes i got the desert in my toe-nail
And i hid the speed inside my shoes"

jagger/richards

the san francisco experience...

2009-12-28T20:21:00.001-08:00

(portions of this story may or may not be true depending on if you are the police or say, my mother)

so about last night....

i felt pretty good about myself after working out at the san francisco downtown crunch... so good in fact that i wanted to do some crack. i wandered the streets of the tenderloin and was a little sketched out because i heard the new police chief was trying to clean up the streets a bit. i passed by some po po checking out some homeless people on the streets and decided it was time to leave. right then though some guy nodded at me and i nodded back and he said follow me. i said i ain't following you! you're walking right back to the police! and so i followed him.... we went past the police about two blocks and within 10 minutes i had 3 rocks of crack in my hand for 30 bucks. i didn't look back, got in my car and headed straight for the end up....

the end up.

t-dance. my sunday church. my school. my home. 6am - 8pm every sunday for the past 32 motherfucking years. where i credit learning how to dance by watching all the unhibited freaks let loose their goose on the dance floor. there have been few other establishments where i learned so much about anything. i have not been here in 8 years. i looked around and saw trannies, an old dude in the garden dressed as santa claus playing cards with some woman, and a 60 year old getting really funky on the dance floor. these are my people, i thought. this is where i belong.

it felt great to be home.

bum ankle and all, i was there all by myself dancing with the freaks in the floor and it felt marvelous. then a gorgeous tranny- seriously hotter than 90% of the women i know stumbled on the scene. she looked like nomi from herc and love affair, butt with a way prettier face that looked a bit like the avatar or dark crystal faces. butt make no mistake- she was insanely pretty whatever she was. kept sitting next to me and bumping in to me. she would come up to me and lift her shirt a bit exposing like the bottom 1 inch of her boob and then she was so wasted that she fell down on the dance floor showing her ass crack. i thought she was incredibly sexy, butt you know- a wasted tranny so i just admired from a distance...

we all continued to dance. all the sketchiest freaks in the world that you'd think would be too shady to come out from under their rocks, butt at the end up they are free to be themselves and what you see is the most uninhibited dance floor in the country. it was so beautiful. the tranny still had her shirt up a little exposing herself which brought about her being perved on by two slimy persians decked out in ed hardy... and the little korean monkey name poogene.

butt hey... she wanted me.

=)

so. i'm about to leave, i feel great. then everybody wants to be somebody comes through the speakers

holy shit. i dropped the jacket since i hadn't heard this song out in forever and now felt great. i gather up some courage to approach the tranny because i so wanted to take a pic of me and the tranny just to show everyone how dope this place is. i went up to her and asked if i could take a pic and she said no. i said sorry and thanks and started to walk away and then she pulled me down into a chair in the middle of the dance floor, lifted up her shirt to expose the most gorgeous fake pair of tits i've ever seen. but it was dark and i was like, did i not see nipples? and then i was like... whoa... wait a minute. i've never really gone down this road before and i'm doing it in the middle of a dance floor... maybe i should think about this. and then i looked around. i realized i was here alone, haven't been here for 9 years, don't know anyone in sf... SWEET! who will ever know

(unless i blog about it)

she was wearing these tight pants and i was looking for a bulge but couldn't find one, maybe she went through with the operation or maybe she had it tucked in. at this point, who really cares if she's a man, woman, or donkey... she sat down on my lap and grinded me and then placed my hand all over her chest (felt the nipples!) while she felt me down and i was licking her body. all in the middle of the dance floor. she was completely womanly... soft, kissing her was just like a woman, not gruff like a guy for those that have already asked. i mean the tranny technology today is amazing. seriously. perfect body and the face which they usually can't get totally womanly, this one was very womanly...

or maybe it was dark and i was on crack.

anyhow, she's like let's go home... i was like where do you live? she's like no- your house. i'm like i'm staying on a friend's couch in the mission or... well no offense, butt i can't really take you to my mother's house.

her little gay guard dogg came up to her and probably said something like "be careful of the slimeballs" and then i started dancing with him as if to say, "hey i'm cool!" hmm... he wasn't completely buying it. we went to the bar and she asked for a drink and the tough ass deaf lesbian bartender (god bless the end up) was signaling something to us, butt we couldn't comprehend so she wrote on a cocktail napkin "security has cut you off" and then she glared up and gave me the evil eye.

i was like... well, nothing more is probably going to happen. so i said thanks and wished her a happy new year.

i went to where i was going and then had little more crack and then was going to jerk it to some porn sites. i actually wondered if i could get off on a tranny site and tried it, but after about 8 seconds i was like... hm. probably not.

i dunno. mebbe it was 11 seconds.

i wondered what really would have happened though had we gotten to a bedroom and i opened the christmas present and... well. i guess we'll never know.

i'm not being sarcastic at all when i say that some experiences in my life are so beautiful i want to cry.

happy new year friends.

i love you,

poo!

totes not fair...

2009-12-26T21:55:00.000-08:00

after the 4th year of moving to new york, i would come back to san francisco and notice the difference in women in new york and women in san francisco. new york is ridiculous. the enormous wealth of beauty and the crazy standards of it have warped and twisted my mind so that i can't even appreciate cute anymore. somewhere i dated a model and it's almost like it's become 9 and up for me.

it's kind of a problem.

however this whole foot/ankle shit this summer has made me look at a bunch of things in a different light. one of the things this summer was that i was holed up all of summe and it was like summer and new york was sexy and i was missing out on it.

i decided to become a bit of slut and just sleep with anyone. well not anyone, but 8.5's and up!

=)

anushow, as i started hanging out with these girls i realized that they are entirely more down. i'm not saying that the models are not smart or fun. i'm sure there's a whole bunch that are down...

you konw what. i got off track.

i meant to talk about san francisco women. anyhow, now that i've regained my sanity and don't chase after extreme beauty anymore and finally have the re-realization of compatibility... i've fallen in love about 40 times in san francisco. the girls here are tougher, smarter, cooler, and sexier.

or i could be forgetting. but for the longest time, i thought the women in sf were frumpy and dressed like clowns. i mean, my roots are from sf and thank god. sf is all about individuality as opposed to new york where everyone wears uggs one year, then everyone wears gladiators the following spring, followed by everyone wearing the same shit. and black is king. thank god i'm from san francisco where color is alive and everyone dresses like frumpy clowns. it's the better of the two and thank god they go for it, butt some of it comes off wrong to me now.

maybe i'm more conservative now as i'm older, but i think i've reached a balance of the two.

i forget the point of this post.

happy new year and happy holidays.

i love san francisco, glad i'm from here, and i have fallen in love with the women in san francisco again....

yay!

10 years in new york today...

2009-10-29T13:21:00.001-07:00

fear - my new years rez

2009-10-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

Though he often diverted the conversation when asked about his approach to filmmaking, Mr. Kurosawa frequently described his attitude toward art in similar terms. "To be an artist," he once said, "means never to avert one's eyes."

Mr. Kurosawa also once described a trip he made with his brother, Heigo, through the ruins of Tokyo after a massive earthquake in 1923. More than 140,000 people died in the fires that followed the quake. But as the pair moved through the ruins, Mr. Kurosawa said, his brother insisted that the young Akira look closely at the charred corpses.

"If you shut your eyes to a frightening sight, you end up being frightened," Akira remembered Heigo telling him. "If you look at everything straight on, there is nothing to be afraid of."

fuck

2009-09-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

Sho! thish ish firftee shevemp- (sorry, let me put in my dentures-)

*click* okay…

So! This is thirty seven! “It’s not so bad” I thought as I downed my second can of ensure and fastened the straps on my depends. I put on my tri-focals and squinted at my list of things I had to do today in my newfound elderly state:

11:00 eat applesauce
12:00 take a nap
1:30 play cribbgage
3:30 take a nap
4:00 collect coins
4:30 complain
5:15 take a nap
6:00 knit
8:00 try to use the self service checkout counter and get confused when trying to pay with a check. When the attendant comes, I will say I also have some coupons.

Thanks family for remembering this day. This very special day in your life. Maybe the most important day in all your life. Probably the most significant event in the history of all mank-

Anyways… freals- Thanks so much for making this surreal segment of my life, extremely tolerable.

lots have passed...

2009-09-13T22:51:00.000-07:00

god you gotta be-

shit. what was i writing?

anushow, i'm in tomkins sq park today working and the weather is glorious here on the last day of my 36th year. god. after being cooped up for ten weeks, i am looking around at the local talent and i think i will just about fuck anything that moves. including you over there you sexy squirrel...

forever came over a coupla wednesdays ago. it was funny. we were gon see a movie, but got stoned instead and then we started talking and laughing and it was nice. i had lotsa gas from eating so much wegetables butt i had to squeeze the cheeks see because you know... new girl and all. and then we were laughing so hard that a little goose egg of a fart slipped out. i started laughing harder and she's like what's so funny duddy? and so i say, oh! she's cool! and then i fart again and this time since i been holdin it all in for like 2 hours, a matt daddy fart comes out and shakes the foundation. and then she looks sincerely confused and has no idea what happened like in lost when the big time/space flash warp happens.

anyways i decide to kiss her out of the blue and we do and it's nice. she's a freak so it's nice. she tries to go to argentina, but i had to pull her up because i hadn't showered in 3 weeks.

i'm such a gentleman.

the oc took me out to peasant, i spent a coupla days in the north fork. i'm working again a bit and walking around. feels good.

it's fall though and although today is splendid, i can't believe i missed a fucking summer of my life.

show me the money...

stoopid

2009-08-20T17:35:00.000-07:00

today i just wrote a very long letter to yeya who never writes me back. i haven't done this since i saw my shrinky dink. my old mode of thought is, what have i got to lose when i write these long ass emails to these people. and then in retrospect, it is some of the stupidest shit i've ever done.

i really haven't done it since judge gotomayer and have become calm, but i diddit again today and i think it's dumb.

butt you know what? i was about to stop writing, butt i just remembered that amidst all the anxiety and neurosis that went into these crazy emails to women, i remember that i was missing the passion that existed when i did this and it actually came back again today. i'm not going crazy about if she'll write back, butt at least i wrote a passionate email to a woman again, instead of the usual... "i've been good thanks, weekend was fun... let's meet up"

i was going to include an excerpt, butt i just reread the email and it is embarrassing...

butt passionate!

rather be insane and crazy and full of passion, that sedate and mundane. even if it means being more peaceful...

maybe not. butt maybe...

i ate a tomato

2009-08-19T09:36:00.001-07:00

did i say i was recording my dreams? i dreamed a buncha FOB's were grouped around babs and daddy's new home in newport beach and they were all wearing duveritca puffy jackets from their fall/winter season.

i am dying to get filthy's windbreaks, butt they ain't selling anywheres in the us...

nice site tho - and if anyone can locate the men's spring 09 shit...

had lunch with fun club today. we had a slight thing 3 years ago and then i think i ended it because...

anyways... she's super cute and quirky... just way buddhist for me right now to the point where i feel a bit cheese. it's all me and it's a beautiful thing to bless your food in the thoughts that it will help heal you, but it takes a minute. butt like i said. that's an mp, not a yp

i mean... god i hope people don't actually read this shit, butt... ack- ne'er mind. i'll keep me mouth shut.

i admit. i smoke up a storm when stan was over last night. she don't read this... we have been getting together surprisingly well and she has been a wonderful help since she came back from turks.

ugh... what am i doing. this is pathetic.

okay- more lates.

dreams

2009-08-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

dudes...

i have been having crazy guaco loco asada dreams as of late- like jung (me and him have lot in common) i've been writing down my dreams every morning and it's like anything with repetition. you just get better at it. so, i been writing down my dreams and i been remembering more and more every day. espesh with this chantix i been taking which is supposed to make you go crazy.... and it's making me have insane dreams which i love... anushow, i recommend it to everyone who likes freak...

so yesterday i dreamt that my apartment was broken in to and that everything was stolen. i remember blaming the roosky because he was feeding the squirrels and left the window unlocked. they took everything except the my farmhouse table bench because that shit weighs 300 pounds. that's not much fun. what's much fun is that it was so vivid that i was like "please let this be a dream, please let this be a dream" in my dream and then wheni woke from m y dream within my dream, shit was still stolen. so... way lucid dreamshit. then also i've been having a recurring dream of being able to walk and last night i think i was walking or crutching and then i fell down. i think i was trying to walk on my foot and i fell on it or some shit.

pretty sure that happened. maybe it was because i was a little fucked up and shit, but it was weird.

anyhow today i was paranoid about my foot feeling weird and dislocated and fucking up my foot even more.

recognize unwrapped it and it looke cool... so i think we're good.

you should write down your dreams, freak.

surgery, part doo!

2009-08-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

ahhhh...

what's todaze. just turned midnight on sundee august 16, 2009. what a surreal summer. every day passes and while it's one of the worst, wettest summers on record in ny- there are the occasional byoots like today where the days are absolutely glorious. the prime usda choice summer days in new york that are dry enough so my hair behaves and i'm not sweating product into my face and my face is dry, butt it's still so ever hot ass hot so that the city slows down for a change and not only that, they're all walking around naked.

dude. i lubbit so much.

butt! today was one of those -and i woke up after not sleeping for two days because of a little pain and also pain killers. today was one of those days and i tried to sleep for as long as i could, because these days that's the funnest thing because time passes the quickes when you're sleeping. also i'm on the chantix which is known to give you crazy dreams and a coupla times i got the insane dreams and they are so vivid and so much fun.

anyways... more lates. i'm a bit tired of writing, but had the second surgery on thurgery and ... well- i'll tell you lates.

chowder!

poo!

you know who raised me?

2009-08-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

so today since i can't move, hero went out to get my medication and some mixing bowls from moma. before she left she made me drink the rest of the prune juice to make room in me meager fridge. i was on a bunch painkillers so she was making me drink prune juice like everyday. hmm... so there was a little bit left and i've been off the meds, so i'm like no dude, if i drink it- you gotta drink it too. so we splitsville the rest...

then she went outand got my medication and she felt a little rumblin' in her pants. she was at the moma store in soho and was like. umm... you got a bathroom? they said across the street at startbucks. she went across the street and then there was a long ass line. she started prarie doggin' and then when she went in she had to throw away her underwear because it was soiled.

she went back to moma to buy my mixing bowls.

classy.

5 weeks...

2009-08-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

oookay...

i think i'm officially over it. i ain't depressed or nothin, butt now there's really not that much to be happy about. it's summer and i wish i was out. i hate being on the couch. i have started writing more, read a lot of books, butt it's definitely not really me. i ventured out a couple times and i don't really like having to depend on people to help me out so that kinda bloze as well. also when i see people, usually i try to give off the impression that all is good in my life- because usually it is. butt i think this is a rather solemn period.

went to the doctor today. i'm a little pissed right now so excuse me if i'm venting latte, butt the second surgery got pushed back because the skin is still so fucked and we can't make any cutz into it or we risk infection to the bone which would be a disaster.

see?

wack.

today when i was pooping at the doctors, bilya freaked me out with all the germs in hospitals so i used those toilet covers. i haven't used on of those since jr. high! i remember i would always use them, and the i remember sinstain and hero came up to davis and we had a great debate on whether or not they were of any value. shinstain and i were both like, dood! just give it a good wipedown and sit down! hero conceded defeat and stopped using them.

i am so going to enjoy next summer.

weak

2009-07-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

summer is here in new york.

i have been writing a lot of childhood memoirs lately maybe because i just finished reading a sedaris book. all my outrageous stories either have to do with sex or drugs. why are they such funny topics? i don't even know if the stories are that outlandish. hmm... i really need to talk to you about my last trips to brazil and england huh...

ate like a king again yesterday. had lunch at the spotted pig followed by second lunch at philippe chow and then at din, filthy and i split a turkey club. it would be a dream life to just walk around new york trying new eats at these fine food places if it weren't for this cumbersome lumbersome pain in the ass foot i gotta lug everywheres. but y'know...

s'aight.

i thought writing everyday would excercise myself as a muscle and things wouuld just magically pop up into my head to write about.

guess not!

happy anusversary!!!

2009-07-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

so-

today marks the one month anniversary of the lovely day when my brave and valiant little ankle and foot was crushed by the freight truck, an evil mignon of the commercial trucking empire. not quite a month. i guess a month, people recognize as the same date in the next month or whatever.

dude. have you seen cash cab? it's dope... i'm watching it right now and i love it-

so anyways. not a month exactly, but 4 weeks ago. to be honest... it sucks. friends have been helpful and family has come, but you know... it's new york. people have their lives to live. and living in new york gives you little time to help others. but isness has been angelic and been helping me almost every day. it's also that i'm a difficult mix. everyone has offered me everything from time and money. i decline because 1) i'm stubborn and proud and don't want people to think i need help and 2) i think most people really care, but don't think that it's fun. i mean i don't blame them. i love people, but it's no trip to the water slide park to go to the hospital and hang out with them for a bit. so usually i decline any sort of help. and then to balance that out i'm also a bitch beause i feel neglected when people don't call or flake or visit. so i guess i'm a bit of a stubborn bitch.

what's more is that it's summer and i'm a summer boy... i do miss it. when i've had to go places, i use the car service because i'm over on avenue d and i love it if the driver doesn't know the city too well because then i get to drive around the city longer and just look at the people. it's that time of year when the whole city is walking around naked and it's hot and sticky and i love it. that's been the worst part this thing.

it feels like i been grounded...

fat fatbacks's fatassss song...

2009-07-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

well no wonder why people gain weight if they don't do anything...

dude.

so. i been unable to move from my couch for the past 4 weeks and have been stuffing myself ridiculously. yesterday i wanted indian food but wanted to try 3 items on the menu instead of just the fish thingy. so i get the fish thingy, the predictable but benchmarkable chicken tikka masala, and the okra, cuz i think i need some veg action going on, only to realize upon delivs that they like the rest of the indian food (at least north, or at least the north indian on 6th street) are drowned in oil. i tried mitali east because they got okay reviews on the chowhound

dude. whatever. anyways. i end up gettin 3 entrees and some rice and naan solo and until i realize it's 60 bucks. i have a gift certificate so whatevs. i get it and eat it all. not that it was particularly delicious, but it was easier than puttting away in the fridge in my condition. i can't really move things.

crutches are crippling themselves. if you're on crutches, you can't friggin carry a glass from the kitch to the table. it sucks. you have to get some sorta plastic cup and just fill half way and bite it, or just eat and drink in the kitchen, or get cans or bottles and throw that shit to where you're gunna drink it.

regardless. i've been eating like a pig. i have never been more sedentary in all my life. and thus. my shit- especially the affected leg feels a bit like tofu. it's nuts how quick atrophy can set in. right before the injury i got tested for bodyfat and was at like 7%.

no mo!

frankenfooter..

2009-07-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

oooh.

i sar the foot today. aside from the foot having scabs all over it, the left side of my calf had 5 inches of pretty big sutures. it looked like the side of a rawlings baseball glove. or a tie up crotch of one of them country rock stars. anushow, i'm coming to terms with reality and just expecting the worst. i know i'll be able to walk fine which is most important, but as far as dancing the way i could, jumping and my speed. i may be able to do things like a normal person can so i'm happy, however for a while i believed i had better than average skills in fancy footwork.

we'll see....

mom left today. gosh. i lover her so much it makes me ache. grapefruit, mattress, and billya later stopped by today to keep company and get loopy and help out and take me to the doc.

i appreciate it mucho.

shit my foot's starting to feel pressure again and now i'm in a permanent cast.

we'll see....

poo!

something to be thankle for...

2009-07-19T18:10:00.000-07:00

so-

tomorrow marks the month annie of when my ankle was crushed by a freight truck. i just looked at a calendar. it's not a month. it's the start of the 4th week.

shit.

well... here's what happened and shit.

i was at prince & elizabeth a lil late for work. i rode this path to work at least 1000 times and that could be a low estimate... round the bowery on prince and roll by habana and peek to see who's working there. they're all new faces. no one i really know anymore. me and a freight truck were about to cross elizabeth. it was a big ol' truck and the driver couldn't see me out the passenger window. probably in his blind spot. anushow, it's like i thought we was both going straight but he makes a right...

shit.

the way these big ass trucks move is they start wide and then the back of the truck swings round right quick. the next couple things happened frighteningly quick. i've hotdogged on my bmxican for 7 years now and i think i can get out of any predic.... maybe not this time though. the truck clips me and knocks me off my bike. i look down and see my legs about to be smashed and i pull them up and i don't know what happened next.

i heard screaming and then a women ran up to me and said to you need an ambulance? i felt like i might not- wasn't really in any pain but then i looked at my foot which felt cold it was twisted in a way that didn't look cold. the rest of me was fine. i took off my sunglasses and thought how smart i was that is the year i was going to stop painting my toenails.

you know. because i'm 36 and all...

the driver probably didn't even feel my ankle, but he stoppedand got out and was entirely apologetic. he was a good dude...

the ambulance came and then the shock started to wear off, the reality began to set in as did the pain. it didn't help that ambulances don't have any shocks on new york potholes.

i get to the ER. and the pain is beginning to mount. right before i roll up in the queue, some dude that looks like he just got shot as his shirt is completely soaked in blood. they come up to me and ask me what my pain is on a scale of 1-10. i hate that question. what's 1 and what's 10? i'm in pain, but it's not like i got shot- but gimme some fucking meds please...

anyways... it takes two hours beforei get my first norco. they then take x-rays and inform me it's going to hurt like a bitch, but it's not that bad. the results of the x-ray come out and then they apologize and give me morphine. it's a pretty horrible fracture. shattered on the inside, the back is broken, and the outside is broken.

ugh. the orthopaedists come in. two of 'em... i'm like can i walk again or dance again? they say, i'll be able to walk, dancing doesn't seem like it wi- "hooold up a sec, let's not get ahead of ourselves" says the cocky one. "let's just saay it'll never be the same again" with a wink. they then inject my foot with lanacane give me another shot of morhpine in my IV and then one hugs my leg and i'm woindering what's going on. "you trying to hump my leg?, you a poodle in your spare time?" then the cocky one grabs my foot. i scream pretty audibly and grab a handful of the leg fetishists belly fat" they're trying to set my foot as it's dislocated. i feel it click into place. i laugh and say "jesus, that shit was burly" and then watch my foot flop over. so.. they repeat this about 5 times until they get it right. up until this moment i was surprisinly composed. this shit however was otherworldish pain...

he then asked my why it hurt when he squeezed my foot. i was like "cuz it got run over by a freight truck" he squeezed my tow and i yelped in agony. he said "that hurts?" i'm like yes. i guess he doesn't believe me because he squeezes it at least 3 more times and says "really?" idiot.

i proceed to get a CT scan and it turns out i got 8 broken bones in my foot that he was squeezing to a pulp to set my ankle.

the next couple hours are just waiting and waiting. i keep asking for more meds because it's boring and i might as well get high.

daddy comes into the ER and helps me out. i'm thankful for him being there even though i felt i didn't need him. but he helped out a lot actually. he'll get compensated in life.

they release me 9 hours after i was admitted. 7 of which was just waiting around. they release me not before they tell me that if my ankle hurts a lot i may have compartment syndrome which is where pressure in the affected area gets so high post injury that there is lack of oxygen and the never tissue gets damaged so much that they have to amputate. what the fuck does that mean?!?!?! if my ankle hurts so much after it's run over by a truck, let us know. what's a 10 on a scale of 1-10?

they smile and say thanks for being so "paitient!"

very funny.

london london london - backdate april 09

2009-04-22T21:28:00.000-07:00

london

landed in london on a rainy wet saturday. first time in 3 visits in the last year that it was raining which is good luck so i guess i had it coming and all.

anyushow, i landed from the red eye and pervy picked me up form the tubers, and i proceeded to take a nappage and woke up wanting to find joyeaux. she told me to head to kingston for a party.... i thought kingston was in london and thought "lovely!" i was saying lovely a lot because speaking with a englishman is so fun in england. they probably think i'm an idiot, butt it's fun. at the end of the flight, the stewardess asked how my flight was to which i responded quite satisfactree!" anyways... kingston is not in london. it ended up being a 80 minute train ride outside of london. her text to me was, "come to magical island. there is workshop, fire, music,. kingston station. ravensate island. get off at kingston turn right out of station over the bridge turn right, turn left on water follow down river 10 min"

hm.

pretty dicey directions 4000 miles from home. turn left at the river and walk for 10 minutes. butt i did it and got cought up in the adventure. i called her when i got off the train and she said we're on an orange boat.

hm.

boat party i thought.

so i see some people. i see a pier with boats docked. i see the end of the piers with no more boats and no orange boat. 20 mintes down the river, i walk a little further down and hear a whistle. i didn't pay hither since i was all like where the fuck in the world am i and who would whistle at me here? but the whistle came again and i looked closer... it was her coming to pick me up in an orange rowboat, rowing down the thames. she came over to me and picked me up.

that was original.

we proceeded to the island.

the island was at the base of the thames in kingston called raven's ait. apparently where documents that led to the ratification of the magna carta were signed. ait = small island.

anyhow, it was turned into a squat by eco-warriors that had tidied the place up and were inhabiting it. i felt bad. i walk into the party- these aren't the peaceful protestors, i look at the pictures on the wall and there are pics from protests from back in the day. people are looking at them recognizing their parents and stuff. it was bizarre. and the protests lookes like the ones where they chaing themselves to tractors and shit. the hardcore people. there were blueprints out of the next operation... everyone is wearing ragged sweats with holes in them and i walk in like the asshole with cowboy boots, dolce and gabbana jeans, a tuxedo shirt and a burberry coat and say "ummm.. hi!".

but i did notice that some were throwing their cigarette butts on the ground. i always thought this was weird when envirnomentalists did this. hmmm... anyways. i struggle when i get to these places.

anyways... they were freaks and that's a good thing. there was a male beauty pageant, joyyeaux conceived a children's fairy show with a fairy land, we met friends, i met a peaceful nick, and an angry nick, a crazy tobes whom didn't get along with angry nick.

when it came time to eat dinner, they were cooking in the kitchen and we were eating raw potatoes or some shit. i'm like.. dude- you can't cook your potatoes?

we played underneath chairs and tables, we carved paths through muddy shrubs- she like looked at my clothes and said "are those nice?" and then proceeded to drag me through the mud..., we barked at geese, we at eggs.

then she asked me if i wanted to play with the invisible fairies.

umm... that prompted me to look at the time. it was one. last train to london had left and i was on the island for the night. so what am i gonna do, be the asshole and say i don't see any fucking fairies? so for the next three hours i had to pretend like i was playing with fucking invisible fucking fairies...

and then after that we start talking to other people. i talk with crazy tobes and he's talking jibberish and i just think he's ingested some loops and so i thought i would have fun with him or maybe even participate. anyways, i find out that he's actually kinda naturally loopy. this angers angry fucking nick and he starts pulling crazy tobes around the island by the hair saying get off the island, get off the island. it was a horrible sight to witness actually... the kind of event where you feel horrible for not stepping in to say anything and then for the next ten hours relive the scanario thinking what you could have done if you weren't such a pussy....

anyhow angry nick is a drunk beligerent power tripper but infortunately he kinda runs the shop. so... joyeaux and i quack at ducks and then retire to bed and then eat some eggs.

anyhooze- joyeaux and i have met for maybe 10 minutes in person at the bethnal green working men's club at some hunga munga festival last september when i was there. that's it. then we wrote each other some letters. i followed her work and saw that she was an immensely creative creature producing very nice stuff. genius.

this was our first real encounter though. on some island outside of london on the thames playing with fairies in too expensive clothes for a weird squat picked up in a rowboat.

the night was magical and it was lovely spending time with her.

i got to bed at 6ish and had to wake up at 9ish so i could try and cross the river and catch the train to make it to pervy's mom's place for easter brunch. i woke up and the only person that would operate the fairy was angry nick and they said to wake him up. i didn't much like that guy, so i looked around for the rowboat, found it and paddled across and left the island of ravens ait.

had easter brunch with pervy and then metup for din din with bigal.

wonderful first 24 hours in london or not in london.

i love london...

diligence...

2009-04-05T18:32:00.001-07:00

hmm...

you really have to write things down or do this thing everyday or you'll forget. at least i do... i think i had something really rad to write about and i done forgot. um. there were marc jacobs models across the street from me and wll- never mind. but i lost my bracelet because of it. hopefully that will be enough for me to remember.

i had brunch today with a total badass of a human being... EQual. he's wonderful and i'd love to look to him for guidance...

what else has been on my mind?

i never thought i would get to the point of being so tired that at a urinal i would be propping my elbow and forearm against the wall to take a break while peeing. i remember vividly in 2000, nine short years ago, peeing next to a kinda fat old guy and he was taking deep breaths and sighing and peeing, and i'm like... is it that much fucking work?

butt lately, i have found myself doing the forearm prop.

*sigh*

today was beautiful. tompkins square park was beautiful.

spring is springing...

idiot factory...

2009-03-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

well...

i'm a louse. i bought a garbage can to go underneath my kitchen sink about a year ago at bb & b and was like, it's going to be great. i'm gunna have a hidden garbage can. life is going to be wonderful...

i bought it and it didn't fit underneath my sink. it was all fancy and stuff with a frame which is why it was too big. anyhow, i used the cardboard box as a table to place my badass humidifier that i also got from there for about a year and decided to return it today.

i got a little loopy.

and then i went to bb&b over to 6th ave and it was so much fun. they have the best credit policy there. i returned it a year later with no receipt and i don't even think they carry it anymore. i got like 71 bones credit for it! and at bb&b that's like cash money in your pocket because i could spend a zillion dollars there. i love that place.

anyhow. i go see dreams musical improv show at ucb and he slayyyyyed it!

then i leave and i'm having a glorious time discovering new york streets fully loopy and then i'm like ha ha ha!!! ha ha ha! ha ha ha!

and then i'm like wtf is this piece of trash in my pocket! no need for this silly trash in my pocket! yuk yuk yuk!

and i proceeded to gaily toss it from my life into the nearest garbage receptacle.

and of course it was the cash money in my pocket from bb&b.

fuck.

sucks. major. dick.

The Bible

2009-03-28T22:33:00.000-07:00

adam quan must be some sorta badass...

hello old friend...

2009-02-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

jeez..

august 2008. my last entry....

so much has happened since then, but the bigger picture remains the same.

the not so little things are barack obama got elected and inaugurated.

matt and zoe are proud parent.

billy and mia are proud parents.

i was in a speaking play outside of la mama.

i went to london, amsterdam, barcelona and visited onia.

nye kinda sucked.

i am in brazil right now in a pensive mood.

originally i opened this up to write about my brazil travels, but all the above stuff merits at least a scribble. they're pretty major so there they are.

maybe more later if i feel inspired. brazil has been amazing, but i haven't had the motivation really to write anything funny about it.

chau!

poo!

breast night of my life...

2008-08-07T12:31:00.001-07:00

fuck buddhism...

fuck taoism...

fuck chanting and meditating- last night with a little help from my friends i discovered the path to nirvana lies in none of these- rather the light from within can be found at a bikini contest. and not just any weak ass bikini contest. the only bikini contests for me are the ones where my new god ***candy ass*** is competing in…

yesterday, i was just some ordinary 35 year old new yorker doing the daily fucking grind. single, not really happy with my job, shrinking penis, ass herpes, etc...

i was done for.

out.

finished.

kaput.

people didn’t want to have anything to do with me. sure i used to run the city back in the 1930's butt now i'm just some old single black mother tryin to earn a buck. i looked back on my life and remembered when i was 25, 15, and 5. life at 35 is not easy and i do not picture it getting any easier for the next 30. thoughts of suicide raced through my mind.

whatever, i thought. it’s cool. i’ve lived a good life. jesus died when he was 33...

i walked over to the fire escape with my head hung low, smoking a cigarette, contemplating ending it all with a non-stop direct flight 16 floors down. i flicked what i thought was going to be my last smoke and was about to follow in the footsteps of its trajectory to end this woeful existence.

right then I got a call that changed my life.

filthy nic called and said that candy’s performing in a bikini contest in far rockaway and that shit is AWWWNNNN for TONITE!

I was like Candy?!?!?!

Candy the white, prissy, JAP girl I met in some noho space?

turns out it was indeed that very same candy, butt I have never been more wrong about a first impression in my life. please. as i was soon about to discover, the girl is about as bitchen as rob halford in all his glory

so filthy nic (my sister for life), hot rob (beautiful boy with a beautiful heart), puerto rico (who as of last night moved up from crush #8 to crush #3), racey casey (goes pee in water bottles while driving then tries to make everyone in the car drink it and then looks aghast at you if you refuse), cali matt (passes out in the car ride home occasionally waking up and saying “moo”), paulrus the walrus (nicaraguan bound, disgnated driver)

and of course candy ass

we all sardined in a some rental van and drove up to far rockaway. there’s one bridge that’s really pretty on the way there. I don’t know the name of it, butt it looked really nice in both directions of the trip. well... i guess if i'm blogging, i'm online and i can google it. there it is- verrazano-narrows bridge. looks great at night with green lights. We got to the connolley’s at like 8ish and there were like 6 dudes there talking about farming sheep with manure or some shit.

i totes pulled candy aside like the brother in little miss sunshine and said we can’t let candy go out there.

we decided to go for a long romantic walk on the beach, smoked ciggies on the beach stoop, dipped our feet in the waters, traipsed over to some bearded clam bar to get some hair taco’s, yapped it up with the bartender. hot rob became creepy telling candy how to pose so he could get some good shots for his iphone.

after about 14 kamikaze’s, candy felt a little loose and we decided it was safe to meander back to connolley’s. we walked back on the boardwalk, all holding hands, we started getting naked, some people made out while others played leap frog. we saw some mosaic whale and mounted it, hot rob and racey casey sustained battle wounds from the whale.

we get to connolley’s at about 10:30pm and it’s a madhouse.

the next 3 hours is a bit boring. basically. hot and crowded and drunk and guido can summarize the experience neatly.

it is absolutely incredible how just outside the most cosmopolitan city in the world, you can get a good glimpse of full on americana. i'm talking like 90 seconds outside the city.

meanwhile... candily was handily getting drunker and drunker drinking vodka with tequila chasers.

the men’s competition finally came.

(schwing!)

the first guy out was wearing white sunglasses and danced to some insanely bad music i believe is known to be classified as HI-NRG. He stripped down to his skivvies to finally reveal a HOT 97 tattoo on his ass.

more incredible fucking beefcake

whatever

anushow, it was finally time for the women’s

the first three came out and were fine. whatever. girls in bikini's. whoo-hoo

then came our girl. the hero of night. my allah, my pope, my zeuss, my elvis...

Flo-Rida was cranked on the speakers with the jizzam of the summer and our girl came out with her face in her hands. I was like, aww shit!!! What the fuck is this embarrassed routine!?!? that's not what we rehearsed?! Then BLAMMO! her top comes off and nothing else in my life really matters... all of a sudden i am whisked away on the wings of fairies to a magical place and there is nowhere on earth or heaven i would rather be...

even though i was my sandwiched in between 8 large guido's with neck fat being pressed into my cheek, this was what they must call heaven because candy and her magical tits had me spellbound. holy shitballs. i could only see like 8% of what she was doing because my line of vision was obscured by people going absolutely ape shit. butt i'll tell you what bitch- that 8% of what I was watching was like having front row tickets to a prince concert.

better.

i mean it was just an ordinary wednesday night in far rockaway until one lonely knot becomes undone and then all of a sudden it’s fucking new years eve.

candy was awwwnnnnn fire! YEARGHE! it was almost too much candy! 26 people in the audience had to be rushed to the orthodontist- from all that sweet, wet, dripping, potent, hot, candy

she immediately got disqualified butt the judges couldn’t kick her off because they had raging boners themselves. no one knew what to do with her! no one had ever seen anything like it before in their lives! one righteous god-fearin’ woman tried to get up and stop it and candy pulled a .22 out of her ass and shot her dead on the spot and then ate her head!!!

that’s the truth.

i am crappin you negative son…

i thought I was a freak. holy shit, I’m a fucking pussy- i’m an altar boy next to this bitch…

candy ass- no one can top you when your topless.

i gots nothing butt respect for you.

you
are

insane,

poo!

dory toes...

2008-07-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

best email ever...

2008-07-03T12:38:00.000-07:00

Top 10 ways to be the funny guy in the office:

10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if
they don't, and then punch them in the face.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you
the sympathy remarks, tell them how you are just kidding and tell them
that they are a bunch of queers.

8. Before a meeting fill your mouth with custard. During the meeting,
put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a big
loogie. Then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the
person next to you and say, 'beat that'.

7. Inform a male co-worker that he 'wouldn't make a good hooker.' Then
piss in his coffee and tell him that he needs a good 'ass fucking'.

6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and keep one hand
down your pants.

5. Answer every question asked to you with "fuck if I know!" then call
the person a racial slur that doesn't match their race.

4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your
nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hand.

3.Shit on the floor of your office and when someone comes in and sees
it, tell them its the fake kind. When they try to pick it up and
realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.

2. Run down the hall with your dick hanging out while pissing all over
and yell, "it wont stop! God help me! It wont stop!" Then when it
stops, look down and say, "oh".

1. Ask to borrow someone's pen. Bring it to the bathroom and stick it
in your ass. Return it and tell the person to smell it. When they tell
you it smells bad, be like, "It should! I had it in my ass!"

back to school

2008-02-12T22:15:00.000-08:00

so today was my first day in school in like seriously 15 years or so. and even 15 years ago, when i was in school i was arguable incoherent.

terrified

seriously wet

2008-01-22T23:52:00.001-08:00

embalming fluid

crazy. i mean... i had a crazy night. butt crazier still, i went to some stupid link today where there was a woman dancing with her dog to "you're the one that i want" from grease. i can't embed because i just can't this morning. i was seriously disassociated last night. it was an epic night with quirx, g, and horse and we went back to the 70s.

anyhow watched this vid this morning http://www.koreus.com/video/chien-danseur.html while listening to my itunes playlist. the movie starts playing and then like 40 seconds into it, the song comes on. whatever, the vid is stupid, butt at the same exact (maybe 1 second off) the same song comes on my itunes. that is like when you're flipping radio stations and you hear the exact same song playing. butt times 20!

that is absolutely isnance!

i'm going to celebrate and masturbate...

HELP La MaMa WIN $50,000

2008-01-22T22:39:00.000-08:00

hygiene poogene...

2008-01-09T22:02:00.000-08:00

i pungot to mention that i'm also going to start washing my hands after i go the bathroom. not because i think they get dirtier after i go to the bathroom, butt it's a good excuse to wash my hands. sometimes i just wash my hands and everytime i do, there is serious brown water... so- i'm 35 now. i'm going to wash my hands more often...

i also admit i pungot how to spell hygiene for a minute and had to google it.

integrity...

2008-01-08T20:11:00.000-08:00

that is my matt daddy one word resolution of the year and it's been tough butt i been keeping it up butt i do need to ask you where do i draw the line. the other day i wanted to leave filthy nic's apt butt i saw dishes in her sink, so i thought integrity and went back and did them. good job. today, i was at some primary party eating pizza even though i had my first solid BM's in two days and i went pee on the floor. i noticed i kinda squirted north and missed the rim a bit. i thought integrity and wiped my mess up. upon doing so i also noticed that there was pee on the floor before the toilet where there usually is pee on the floor. i didn't know if that was my pee or someone else's urine, butt i wiped it up out if integritious manners, butt is that being integritious or is that going to far? i dunno... i didn't feel better doing it. that's all. i was moe-tivated to write today because she was writing at the party. happy new year everybody.

Hooray for Jock Itch!

2007-12-05T11:50:00.000-08:00

or whatever that shit was on my penis! some sorta skin irritation because my member was between me and the surfboard. anushow, it was like itching and shit and then i went and saw a doctor and i liked dropped my pants and showed my penis to the doctor and she mucked around with it and said, nope... not an STD!

i like bounced back up off the chair and started hugging her and shaking her hand and ran around the whole medical center shaking peoples hands like they do in the movies in texas when the shuttle takes off or something.

so...

now that i'm clean, who wants to FUCK!

yay!

so long old pal...

2007-11-21T00:15:00.000-08:00

i will update about my awesome hawaii trip soon, and i still somewheres owe an update of p's visit and epic halloween week, however today is the last day i am smoking cigarettes. (crossing my fingers that usually hold my smoke) so... i'm trying to get a carton in me in the next 24 hours. it's actually very sad. i feel like i'm leaving a friend, a lover of 15 years that's been through it all. butt as the girl in the elevator at spring street said, she ain't loving you back. i'm going to miss not all, butt some of the cigs i have are so precious... a bit scared and a bit- i dunno, lonely?!?!?! i'm just going to miss it is all. if only it weren't so cool...

oh well. fare the well sweet tobacco. thanks for the memories...

shit.

just like a girlfriend. the minute i give her up, i want her more than life itself.... i love you camel lights. i really really do.

shit.

ord-lax - hawaii 2007

2007-11-20T00:21:00.001-08:00

at o'hare airport (actually at josh's dads in maui- dope) and i'm on board a flight to LAX. Picked a chicken pesto sando at the airport. Planes to LA are funny because LA is funny. Bound to be a handful of dyed blonde heads dressed like they're on rodeo drive. this couple is early 40s , the woman with big blonde hair and then main wearing a tight shirt and he's in shape, but he shouldn't be wearing his shirt that tight. perfectly tussled hair though and the tribal tattoos and some wrinkles. also some sunset youth rockers with piercings and tattoos...

don't get me wrong- i love every minute of it. plus me dressed in sweats tucked into cowboy boots and faux gucci and my rojas t-shirt (LA based designer!) prolly looks pretty california.

my sando was wrapped in some plastic wrap with tons of strong tape on it. it was like super tape and i was futively trying trying to peel back the tape butt it's too complex so you try to bro it open with brute force, butt the tape wouldn't budge... finally, after strangling my sandwich for like 5 minutes i was finally able to get the wrapper off (or rather pulled the sandwich through an opening and pulled the sando through the opening) and polityly consumed my sandwich which now lie before me like in 6 pieces and they looked like they been through the wash. doesn't mean i won't be eating the airline food... it still falls into my favorite genre of food- free food...

looking out the iwndow, i see the baggage peeps throw my bag on the escalating ramp from 10 feet away. gorillas.

****

about to set down in LAX. my last landing into ORD from LGA was a bit rocky. i think the lady in the aisle over was praying not because it was rocky but because it looked like something she did everytime she did every time she landed...

anusways, i was thinking of dying (yay!) and how it doesn't really scare me to die. i mean i would feel horrible only because my mother would have to bury her son. don't misunderstand- i love life and think it's the best, butt it's difficult... fer shur. Die-ing? yeah crashing nad perishing in the flames with schrapnel bits embedded in my skull probably wouldn't be the most pleasureable thing so i'll keep living tonight and enjoy life now.

yes please, thanks you very much.

funny, i used to be scared of dying as a kid because i would be dead and my parents would have to clean my room and my mom would find some porn. funnier that i remembered this and then 2 hours later i was watching transformers in flight and shia le bouf said the exact sme thing innit. twenny from lax, 72 degrees and mountains and desert. california is the fucking best ever....

listening to the strokes right now because that was the t-shirt in tranformers. i thought they sucked for the longest time because angre beavery said he thought they sucked. i don't think so now and i don't think he would think so either actually.

(note to self) i don't understand internet certificates and secure ID, and radius servers in computing. i want to know what that means...

sorry...

the boy next to me is playing with a strecthy lizard and a darth vader. crazy... one of my most vivid childhood memories is of a show and tell in kindergarten (mrs basso's class) hmm.. maybe miss. basso.. anush how, i brought an alligator and luke skywalker and fought them for show and tell. just as the boy next to me thrust his trusty saber into the stretchy lizard's mouth did i do the exact same motion 30 years ago (but with luke). exactly... physical verbatim. crazy.

about to touch down in lax. really could hang here for 3 days to say hi to everyone and play here. butt i have more beautiful beaches to see, and i'm saying that in califonia...

jeez

2007-11-20T00:21:00.000-08:00

2007-11-16T12:03:00.000-08:00

hmm.. was writing this in my notepad from 4 years ago. it;s filled with journal entries of touring poland for the first time and letters to mon ange begging for her back. on my way to hawaii. just got off the ground (literally) am currently over queens. jeez- flying shore is amazing... i wish it wasn't overcast right now becausei love the view from LGA directly over manhatan.

since i been in manhattan, i travelled a ton. lessee, i been to argentina (2x), italy (2x), vienna (2x) poland (2x), germany (2x) japan (2x), puerto rico (2x), colombia (2x), dominican republic, virgin islands, mexico, korea, taiwan, serbia, israel, brazil, czech republic, uruguay, and various us cities... i would still have to say my memre of hawaii still ranks it as my #1 all time favoritplace. this trip is for loose tea's wedding. the first gilr i kissed in nyc. we moved out here on the same day from the same city, but completely independent of each other. haven't seen her in years so it should be soooo good. golgo 22 is also out there, hee lived across the street from me as a kid so we been friends for like 25 years so that should be soooooo goood to. bradass and aloha ames are expecting to deliver the day front down in maui so maybe i can be a midwife or some shit... (now that i'm typing, i since have talked to bradass- they are stoked on their 1 week old son! - yayuh!). so that will be soooooo goood. too.

*sigh*

finally... my first true love r-dogg lives in oahu w/ her husband and kid. wow. i can't even tell you what we been through together, how much i learned from her and how much she influence me into who/what i am today. we ended things still very much in love butt it had to end... she is the best ever. i don't even know if i can bring myself up to talk/see herbw

*sigh*

fingering through one of my fave mags skymall. i love this shit. in this issue i want the marshmallow rifle (hammacker shclemmker), toaster oven/toaster combo (frontgate), and the mount anywhere tripod from skymall.

at o'hare at the point this point of writing (butt i'm actually at the w hotel now about to jump in the water in honolulu)

i got it i got it! and i'm starting to quit in two days!

2007-11-13T14:36:00.001-08:00

anushow, i had this song caught in my head since israel and i just remembered 4 bars of the song. i knew it was by janet jackson and that's about it. i finally got it. it's called again of the album janet and i've listened to it 40 times straight. i love life again.

so much so that i'm quitting smoking after 15 years. i just bought into 280 bucks worth of non-smoking medication chantix to help me quit and shit. really busy now. i might be in plays from now until june. that means basically now nights or weekends from now until june. i dunno...

my mind is rambling, i'm listening to willie right now (a brief hiatus from janet) and i have to go to the gym then i gotta go meet recognize to see the new cohen brothers movie.

right now. i'm really happy. i gotta tell you all about p and halloween one day.

i love you!

poo!

dear abbey...

2007-10-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

dear abbey,

well… I failed miserably last night. I would say that there’s a couple things I’m good at in life. Definitely not many, butt meeting new people and striking up conversation is not a worry for me and It’s something that I usually excel at. I have actually been dating (dating as in going on a specific date, not dating anyone) a lot lately and I would have to say it’s been fun. Nothing resulting into any fruition, but you go hang out with a completely new person, they’re pretty, and it’s fresh. What’s not fun about that? Anushow, last night I went on an expedition with a scottish farmer who cultivates his own land… I think that’s right. I met him at 9:45 at my neighborhood Vietnamese restaurant and we sat down and had dinner. It was all going okay until I hit this wall of exhaustion… like I said, when meeting people I would say if there was a problem it would be that I’m too much (read: annoying) for people, butt never am I boring…

Butt dude, I was a complete doorknob. I don’t know what happened. Maybe it was because I had previously been on 2 dates that week. Maybe it was because I was exhausted, butt still usually I recognize the importance of a first impression and can step up. Last night, I was far from it… I have never been so lost as I was last night. Weird… I think he was adorable which was the worst part of it. Or was it that I was feeding off his energy and our chemistry wasn’t there and I was just enamored by his hair?

I dunno… If he sucked, I wouldn’t be beating myself over it, butt the fact that I think I blew… well- it bloze. Like when I have a performance and I fucked up? I can’t do shit for days.

I’m not sure why I want to see him again if it means the possibility of making myself look like a milk dud again. butt I do want to see scott the farmer again…

we’ll see.

hmmm...

2007-10-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

that's what i think.

i love new york

2007-10-16T11:54:00.000-07:00

i had me some dinner at 90th and amsterdamn at new saigon with the israeli's and their friend farana... i then biked all the way home about 100 blocks, past the museum of natural history, through central park, along museum mile, the apple store, skimming times square, onwards to grand central station (my favorite building in new york), looking up at the met-life building, the crazy citigroup building that is standing on toothpics, crazy madison and lexington money stores, past koreatown, down to gramercy, on to st. marks street. all in 30 minutes to meet purist at kim's video. this city is incredible...

21 is far too young...

2007-10-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

23 on the other hand doesn't seem so bad. maybe we age exponentially between the ages of 13-25 and every year you learn a lot. i had dinner with avocado last night. i'm usually pretty open on my thing, maybe i behave like a shady lady at times and use some codes. butt if you had the brain of a buttplug, you could probably break these codes...

so. i can't divulge my avocado history because it's too much. butt since i'm open, i just want you to know that there is a too much out there that i'm not going to tell you. (you being the world, the world being the 3 people a year that actually read my blog)

anushow, after afdy we walked in the rain. i was going to do african theme night, butt he wanted to go to barrio chino which was actually a much better call. la una and sorry were working and we ponied up to the bar after being all caught up in the torrential downpour. i was not at maximum poogene as the night before i was only able to sleep 3 hours due to being loopy with recognize and waxed the previous night.

she got the off the hook chile en nogada that was supposed to be in season due to pomegranate, butt then there were no pomegranates on the dish anyhow silly. i got the mad dope mariscos stew that was exploding with flavor on my tastebuddies.... we started with tacos and guacamole and ended with churros and chocolate. delishus meal made cheap compliments of la una

anyhow. after maybe 6 months in the making of us hanging out we hang out and it proved to be quite enchanting. i really should have slept more the night before because i wasn't quick. sorry avocado... butt he proved to be thoroughly enjoyable company. he's dating some girl right now that is supposedly superdope so i've no choice to see how and where this new found friendship leads.

however. this does represent a big shift in paradigm in choice that i can't divulge here... i know what it is, butt you don't.

more israel..

2007-10-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

adi and olivier's wedding was spectacular. right on the coast in qesaria, right on the water with delicious argentian themed food. ceremony was short, dinner was right after, no speeches, and then straight to dancing. adi looked radiant in the dress she designed and never left the dance floor for like 5 hours. dope friends too...

next day i went with jake and his friend to herzliya beach. jake is way dope. he's got these eyes as big as moons and he's quirky and i love how his mind is quirky and weird, i became instantly enamored...

anushow hertzillya is a way a nicer beach than tel aviv and we hung out there all day. we got some shakhooka and some hoomoos. for going to the beach every day, i really haven't been getting super tan like i usually do. i left the beach around 5 and then had to quickly get ready for sharill's friends wedding. again, the wedding was very beautiful in a wonderful location. i met some really cool people again. there was actually another person that recognized me from the olivadi's wedding. i was embarassed because i was wearing the same suit. but that was crazy coincidence. the wedding was fun, butt i honestly wanted to run off to meet jake...

plus it was adiha's birthday. left the wedding, but adi's little gathering was over by the time i got back to the compound. i called jake and went to meet him at lima, lima. got there at 12:00am and met two of his brothers and shir was there as well. we stayed until like 4:30am, then went to some place they were playing more latin/samba type music where guys had their shirts off and were like four feet wide. we stayed there for a minnit, and then went to go eat. fred is a little boy but proceeded to eat 3 sandwiches and all my pasta. mini crush f'sho... we got back at like 6am and went to bed soon thereafter. problem was, i had to get up at 8am to go to haifa. it was yom kippur and i was driving up to haifa with sharill and yax. i had to catch a cab from mc to olivadi's and then get my overnight bag ready and then sharill picked me up and we went to the dopest beach of the entire trip. forget what it was called (dor habonim beach, that's why i took a picture of it!)

beautiful best beach in israel that i went to. people were putting up elaborate tents to camp out overnight for yom kippur. it was really nice and peaceful. we then left and then i went up to haifa and met stainmaker's sister to pick up her portfolio. hmm... vibes. we then went to sharill's house. her mom cooked us a meal, then we walked the streets of haifa overlooking the bahai garden's on yom kippur where the streets were full of people walking and biking because of the absence of cars. except for a few assholes. i returned and finally got a good night sleep for the first time in israel. the next day we woke up and yax came over and we hiked down a trail to a spring where we dipped in 7 times. we then walked past the arab community and went to the beach in haifa next to the monster. beautiful and quiet day. we returned and had dinner and i took the bus back to tel aviv.

last night, i met up with olivadi at the house and we went to go get really good hoomoos. jake came over later and i dunno... he left at like 3 and then i talked israel with olivadi until 4:30am. got to bed at 5:30 and woke up at 7:30 to catch my flight.

one of the best trips i've ever taken.

but maybe i always say that.

israel...

2007-09-19T18:07:00.002-07:00

q: what do israeli's do after dinner?

a: they sit around and watch tel-avivsion...

yeah, nobody around here thought that was funny either. people all over the world are more alike than you think...

so i packed and turned 35. turning 35 is rough. now in my toiletry bag, i have kiehl's, glitter, eye-liner, and now denture glue and bunion remover. sat next to some 60 year old christian missionaries on the plane ride over. they gave me a bible for my birthday and when the whole plane was sleeping at midnight, they decided to sing happy birthday to me. nice people, butt- i would have given anything to sit next to an arab on the plane...

landed in tel aviv on my birthday. the world is amazing. you can hop on a plane and 10 hours later you are eating homemade moroccan food prepared by your friend's aunt where jesus was born and it's 88 degrees. it's been an amazing experience, waking up and swimming in the mediterranean sea to start the day. i made friends with the neighborhood cafe. "is that the barista? i heard Hebrew a meeeaaaan cup of coffee!"

(i promise there was a time in my life when i was funny)

hung out the first couple of days with my friend adi's beautiful family learning about them and their wonderful country. went and got some dope scarves at the flea market in jaffa. went to a moroccan henna party monday night until 3am and then woke up at 6am to catch a bus to the dead sea.

i got to the canyon where they saw me dressed in hot pants and flip flops and they're like... "umm it's a 4 hour hike in the lowest place on earth... do you have shoes and water and a map?" nope. all i had was flip flops, hair product, diet coke, and half a brain.

kinda neat. as hot and sunny as it is, you can't get sunburnt due to the atmospheric pressure... whatever that means. my rations proved to be enough. the hike was amazing complete with dramatic canyons and refreshing waterfalls to dip into. and i capped it off by floating in the dead sea (where only 11 species of bacteria can survive) for hours at some moroccan oasis looking at the stars peeking at jordan in the horizon. i wonder if when they showed the sixth sense over here, the kid says instead "i dead sea people"

(okay, that one didn't even make sense)

i missed the last bus and didn't have anywhere to sleep, so i had to beg these teenager girls for a ride to jerusalem. their father agreed only if i sat in front with him...

got to my hotel and woke up super early because i only had a half day to take in 4000 years of history. my god (literally). i been to quite a few old cities, butt i would have to say this one beats them all. the western wall, the muslim mosque where mohammed made his way to join allah, the tomb of the virgin mary, the church of the holy sepulchre (where christ spent his last hours)... i mean. all these things i've read and perhaps believed in at some point in my life butt never really thought of them as anything real. i mean seriously, i would not have been surprised if i turned the corner and ran into the tomb of santa claus (of course that's impossible, he was around last december). seriously. jerusalem packs more per square foot then disneyworld.

went to adi's wedding tonight on the coast and i can't believe how fun it was.

and the people (women) here are striking. you have a mix of moroccan, iraqi, ethiopian, egyptian bloods mixing with the polish, russian, romanian, hungarians. dark skinned people with blue eyes, light skinned people with asiatic features.

no wonder why this is the birthplace of so many religions. looking at all these women, you are certain you are in heaven...

one more wedding. then yom kippur in haifa before i get back to new york.

i missed a lot. 10 days is not nearly enough for a country with such a rich and diverse culture and history.

that's the report from the middle east. back to you jim.

q: what do israeli's do after dinner?

2007-09-19T18:07:00.001-07:00

a: they sit around and watch tel-avivsion...

yeah i know. people in israel don't find it that funny either. maybe i'm losing it in my old age.

so i packed and turned 35. turning 35 is rough. now in my toiletry bag, i have kiehl's, glitter, eye-liner, and now denture glue and bunion remover. sat next to some 60 year old christian missionaries on the plane ride over. they gave me a bible for my birthday and when the whole plane was sleeping at midnight, they decided to sing happy birthday to me. nice people, butt...

landed in tel aviv on my birthday. the world is amazing. you can hop on a plane and 10 hours later you are eating homemade moroccan food prepared by your friend's aunt where jesus was born and it's 88 degrees. it's been an amazing experience, waking up and swimming in the mediterranean sea to start the day. i made friends with the neighborhood cafe. "is that the barista? i heard Hebrew a meeeaaaan cup of coffee!"

(i promise there was a time in my life when i was funny)

hung out the first couple of days with my friend adi's beautiful family learning about them and their wonderful country. went to a moroccan henna party monday night until 3am and then woke up at 6am to catch a bus to the dead sea. i got to the canyon where they saw me dressed in hot pants and flip flops and they're like... "umm it's a 4 hour hike. do you have shoes and water?" nope on the shoes, but i have one can of diet coke and some hair product! it proved to be enough. the hike was amazing complete with dramatic canyons and refreshing waterfalls to dip into. and i capped it off by floating in the dead sea for hours at some moroccan oasis looking at the stars. i missed the last bus and didn't have anywhere to sleep, so i had to beg these teenager girls for a ride to jerusalem. their father agreed only if i sat in front with him...

got to my hotel and woke up super early because i only had a half day to take in 4000 years of history. my god (literally). i been to quite a few old cities, butt i would have to say this one beats them all. the western wall, the muslim mosque where mohammed made his way to join allah, the tomb of the virgin mary, the church of the holy sepulchre (where christ spent his last hours)... i mean. all these things i've read and perhaps believed in at some point in my life butt never really thought of them as anything real. i mean seriously, i would not have been surprised if i turned the corner and ran into the tomb of santa claus (of course that's impossible, he was around last december). seriously. jerusalem packs more per square foot then disneyworld.

went to adi's wedding tonight on the coast and i can't believe how fun it was.

and the people (women) here are striking. you have a mix of moroccan, iraqi, ethiopian, egyptian bloods mixing with the polish, russian, romanian, hungarians. dark skinned people with blue eyes, light skinned people with asiatic features.
no wonder why this is the birthplace of so many religions. looking at all these women, you are certain you are in heaven...

one more wedding. then yom kippur in haifa before i get back to new york.

i missed a lot. 10 days is not nearly enough for a country with such a rich and diverse culture and history.

that's the report from the middle east. back to you jim.

35 israeli old

2007-09-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

Crazy… I was sleeping soundly on Thursday morning when my phone rang at 9:30am to wake me up (I was pretty late for work) and the secret service was calling me from my downstairs neighbors house telling me they were coming up. It was a lady, so I got up and put some shorts on and a shirt and then fixed my hair a bit (it was a lady) and then answered the door. Here I am thinking, what of the billyuns of things did they catch me for? They come in and inform me that I was a victim of identity theft. Ugh… apparently someone from allied financial was selling records of people for a nice sum of money and used this to create new identities….

Ugh. And I was leaving for Israel the next day. All my credit cards and stuff were on like some temporary freeze and they have to call to confirm that I was really me using it, but I’d be in Israel. Butt it’s okay. I think we’re all good. The secret service seems to be the only purchase of my identity so’s I think I’m good.

Thanks secret service!

I started packing for me tel aviv trip and kate came over to say good-bye and help me pack and say happy birthday. got me a little crazy and she was well drunk... stainmaker came by later in the night and we had fun. she's great.

shit.

i gotta board the plane to tel aviv now. security to tel-aviv is mighty strict. 35 is weird. all i packed in my toiletries were denture glue and bunion remover. oh well...

supposed to be picked up at the airport by my friend who's getting hitched who i used to have a major crush on... she's picking me up and we're heading north.

i fucking packed everything except for one flip flop. i have the other one and i desperately need this other flip flop. it completes like 4 outfits. you think they have havaiana's in israel.

shit.

they better.

gunna go fly now.

shana tova!

eggs...

2007-09-12T22:23:00.000-07:00

finally. i ate some eggs again. like i said before... i mean i don't eat eggs nearly as often as when i do, butt for some reason when you watch a bunch of cooking shows and watch all those delicous eggs, it makes you so hungry. butt eggs are much more important when you aren't eating them then when you are. don't get me wrong homey. i love me some eggs, butt it seems much much more important when you can't find any eggs to eat.

i leave for israel in about 39 hours. had dinner with tsol. nice. she's wonderful. two years in the making to have dinner with her at tsol. she seems to be doing just great. saw CR at 9th street market who was working butt didn't make anus money because it was dead because she didn't wave the money incense from the witch store. saw hot kate which is great because i'm going to miss her like crazy and i love her and we lived together for four years and she looked out for me on that one new year when i took too much el cid and she carried me home.

ended the night with jonathong in the park.

excited about israel.

i should pack. maybe i'll pack some fudge.

press the poo button!

2007-08-30T21:58:00.000-07:00

PLAY THIS GAME

!!!!!I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!!!

you betta wax somebody...

2007-08-09T14:40:00.000-07:00

Well. i diddit. 14 years after angry beaver and i naired and shaved our sphincters respectively, i decided to take the plunge and wax the glory hole. i've been terrified to do so. i mean legs yeah whatever, butt a sphincter. isn't it like your gums? isn't it like wet area on your body? it would be like waxing your gums. like pouring hot wax on your gums and then ripping it off. needless to say, i was terrified.

this fear was compounded by the fact that i was getting it done by the korean lady that's been painting my nails for the past four years so i like am kinda friends with her.

so i walk in and say i'm doing it. she takes me to the back room and says "okay, take off your pants." i'm like "what? i can't take off my pants, i know you!" so i take off my fuckin' pants... then i'm in my underwear and she's like, "take off your underwear." i'm like "what? are you fucking crazy?!?!!? i'm not gunna take off my fucking underwear!" and then i took off my fucking underwear and then immediately lied down on my stomach. i think i had small penis syndrome that day (because i usually have SPS everyday)...

anushow, she's like "now get on your side and raise one leg up" i get on my side and cup my hands over my fucking bare ass ballsack and then she's like "now with your fingers, reach deep into your crevice and spread your cheeks apart as wide as you can"

dude...

so i'm like fucking ass naked, on my side trying to hide my fucking nutsack with my hips and spreading my friggin ass cheeks so wide open that i could feel the wind blowing in my colon. had i known this was going to happen, i would have washed my ass for the poor lady (maybe), butt i didn't know. c'mon. how would i know... so like, i had taken a shit earlier and i mean, i didn't feel anus berries, butt i mean there had to be some residue... right? anyhow, she sprays my fucking sphincter with i'm something probably very similar to bleach or sulfuric acid to kill my shit smell and stains and then wipes it down.

it was then that i realized that she might have the worst job in the world.

she then takes a popsicle stick, dips it in scalding wax and smears that shit like butter all over my buns. dude. all over my fucking buns. it was the weirdest sensation. i didn't know if it was tickling or painful and i started writhing and screaming and giggling all over the table. homegirl with the worst job in the world had to hold me down. i felt like linda blair. it was like when i got my first rimjob and it felt so incredible that i lost control of my legs and kicked the girl in the head.

well.... the rips of tape came off with my fucking ass pubes attached and i think i didn't feel any more pain, because i was more just trying to deal with the humiliation.

i got this done for the ladies only to remember i got no ladies. and i got no ladies that really wanna eat bung.

so, i showed it off to a lot of friends and i'm happy i did it.

it's weird. the farts on my bike ride home... i would fart and the fart bubble would ride my crevice up to the top of my crack and then release itself into this cruel world.

that's my story.

love you!

poo!

HOLY CRAPBALLS!

2007-08-08T10:17:00.000-07:00

I JUST FOUND OUT THE DEFINITION OF A WET NURSE!

weird people

2007-06-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

is that at all so diffuicult? can people at the gym not look up from their feet after they see you five times because they don't want to say hi or are scared that they might have to enter a conversation past a normal hello? weak.

also... i was having a conversations with a girl with some dog on my street in front of my house. it was a delightful conversation and she was going to a dog birthday party. how lovely i thought. then the dog took a shit in front my house and she just walked off saying, "bye!" and i was like... i dunno what i was like. after a great conversation, can you ask someone to pick up their dogg shit?

weird.

people are weird.

and i'm probably one of the weirdest.

shit. being weird is not very conducive to getting some...

bye.

weight up!

2007-06-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

hmmm....

izzit really an age thing? some or all of you (yes, all of you one reader out there reading this) know me well enought that every spring i have a personal goal of hitting the BBITW. (best body in the world) Now, over the past 4 years every may 1st, i hit that goal and you know... i walked around all summer with the BBITW. It was nice. i would basically train and diet my ass off between the months of march and april going to the gym 7 days a week eating just tofu and sand and then come may, when i would usually have to be donning a gold thong for my greek performances, i would hit my goal and thus look in the mirror all the livelong day. this would be great because my metabolism would be set and i could go to the beach all summer and nosh on pizza, burgers, and butter and i would be okay.

this year is different. we are doing romeo and juliet (which isn't doing so hot) unless you are an extremely generous reviewer, i would have to agree with the times... this adaptation is kinda weak...

i'll go more into that later, butt more importantly. this year my body is riding at LLTP (little less than perfect) i cannot hit the squares on the abs this year and my chest got thinner and i weight155, four pounds over the ideal BBITW weight.

i bought body fat calipers to measure, JG's stupid scale says i'm at 22%, but at the gym they say i'm at 8%. must be in between... butt to me the real measure is how i longingly look at myself in the mirror and i don't see the chunky square on my abs.

on the one hand it's a blessing. when i am that chiseled, i sometimes rip my shirts on the sharp right angles that my ripped muscles make. butt not this year....

is it because i changed my workout? because i ate four barrels of food at 4 cinco de mayo parties this year so that i weighed in at 162 after that week? is it because i'm 34 and things don't work like that? can one year produce such a precipitous decline?

i have been going to rehearsal after work, getting out of rehearsal at sometimes 11:30 and then going to the gym until 1am only to have to go back to work the next day at 9:00am and i repeat this for 5 days a week. and still... LLTP.

i asked my therapist, what up with that therapist? and she called me a perfectionist! first time i ever been called that! that's great!

anyhow.... sorry to disappoint all you ladeeeez and some of the fellas out there.

i'm still working on it.

life is crazy....

2007-05-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

so...

yes. i'm picky and i'm difficult and i'm a hopeless romantic, i love to be in love based on no realistic grounds and i've never really committed to anyone yet and i'm 34 and i've repeated the same patterns for the past 20 years.

yeah. attractive, huh?

anushow, you go to (no joke) 17 weddings, best man for 3 of them and even though ive always been proud of the fact that i've lived your life against the grain, i can't help but be a little affected by all of this. i relish in the ebullience of the unions that seems beautiful. however i must say i have been to a few weddings where i felt a certain level of discomfort in supporting because they seemed like they were getting married just because society was telling them to get married.

so like yeah... the time comes when i'm finally to be open to being serious about relationships. now i have been in an abusive passionate volatile relationships and when shit is good... it's ecstasy, but when shit is bad... i don't even know how people can breathe. suffocating to say the least. anyhowcin no rush to make the wrong decision. at all.

butt ya know... willing for the first time to actually try.

i would say that in my life, there have been some close calls where i look back now and think maybe i should have stuck with so and so and maybe it would have worked out. butt then you also realize that love is one thing, going the distance is something entirely different. i still love many of the women i was with butt realize more than ever that long term relationships are also about compatability and as much as i love them, i look back knowing i made the right decision in not staying with them.

*sigh*

anyhow. like i said. in summary, i'm extrenekt picky and i'm a romantic that refuses to settle. so i've dated some wonderful, beautiful women but in the end grow bored with them. in the past month, i met this guy named joe montana. i was always taking women out and making these elaborate plans of extreme fun scenario's and making them laugh. honestly... all of these women were wonderful, many got it and laughed along. some didn't laugh at all. doesn't mean they sucked, just the chemistry wasn't there. anyhow. i want to be impressed and dazzled for a change... not just someone that laughs with me, i want a participant. someone that makes me laugh...

a month ago, i met joe montana. we met. took it slow. was counseled on how to react to women because i suck at playing the game and usually go by instinct which usually translates to coming on too strong and me losing the girl.

anyhow we had lunch. great. we went to a dance festival and had dinner at chickpea. dude. we had our first dinner together at chickpea. he doesn't like the hamptons because of what it stands for. she's ridiculously hot and could get access to anywhere she would want in the hamptons, butt hates what is stands for. our first dinner date was at chickpea. dream girl.

anyhow. very unresponsive.... very weird. driving me nuts.

found out why.

life is all about timing.

my friends have foundshould maybe for the first time in your life be open to start being serious about relationships.

never mind this post.

too serious...

poo!

i'm busy...

2007-05-02T20:35:00.000-07:00

sorry sorry sorry. i'm bizeeee....

busy with work. busy rehearsing, busy watching the warriors shred, busy ebaying trying to get my throwback nate thurmond jersey, busy with double d, busy with dg. sorreeee. update coming soon. if you wait tooo long it becomes overwhelming. cryptic, but it's good not to fester over these species. double as yet to call and it feels fine. not fine, but ya know.... fine

be back very soon.

poo!

fasting and cleansing...

2007-03-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

hey every juan!

lots have happened i think. i went to a pool party with girlhattan. i started reharsing for romeo and juliet. i missed two very important parties. i am tybalt. i have to sing. i started using a cleaning lady today and she changed my life... biggest thing is that i started a cleanse. today is day 2. it is the master cleanse.

not trying to lose weight, butt i weighed in at 159. 8 pounds over bbitw ideal weight. aside from that, i am trying to quit smoking and drink less soda pop. today after two days of eating nada, i wigh 158. i must be drinking a lot of that crazy liquid. i have the fuzzy tongue today. the salt water enema in the morning is insane. i mean, i've seen lotsa poo's. lotsa poo's... i'm the poogene fer cryin out loud. butt today after that enema, i took a flourescent shit that was so explosive i had to wipe my thighs and hips... after realizing that was impossible, i just needed to shower.

stay tuned.

this is going to get weirder.

Pooetry Classic Time! - Aug 31, 2005

2007-03-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

here was my ad on craigslist when searching for a new apt two years ago. happy springtime everybody... every juan should really be happy now that the sun is out...

*******************************

hello dearest beautiful friends,

my name is eugene the poogene ...

it appears that after living in the soho neighborhood for two and a half years, i have concluded that i'm probably a little bit too beautiful for this neighborhood. i can no longer stand the guilty pangs i feel in my heart when models walk around with their portfolios and then jump off buildings in despair after looking at me and realizing they have little chance of "making it"

like many other martyrs before me, i have decided that i must move back to the east village.

i was planning on living alone but am open to living with a suitable roomate with similar similarities... before i start the broker route, i decided to tap into my own resources... thus:

here's me in a nutshell :

here's some more info about me:

* when you watch HBO, i have a tendency to sit on top of the television in my underwear and stare at you with a lost gaze (...but only HBO!)

* once a month, i will hold my satanic theater company meetings where we will sacrifice a small goat. these will preferably be held in your room since i just got a new bed.

* i do buy milk, but for some reason i like to drink your milk... out of the carton (but i will fill it back to the point where i drank with my milk... you won't even notice!)

* i like to remain physically fit but my gym doesn't have a pool. so at 4am you will find me doing laps in the kitchen sink.

* if i see a cockroach or a rat i will most likely scream "ARMAGEDDON" and then hide in the "cool 'n' crisp" drawer of our fridge until said creature is properly disposed of.

* i sleepwalk with knives

If this sounds liike a perfect match and an AMAZING opportunity of a lifetime for you or anyone you know that would like to live out their fantasy, i will be holding roomate auditions in the puck building next thursday. life is too short to keep us apart any longer.

for real! i'm planning on moving out october 1. if you know of a place or cool person in a similar sitch lemme know!

sorry to bug you all and thanks so much for your consideration and i love you and i think you're beautiful...

fart!

eugene the poogene

keep moving... nothing to see

2007-03-16T08:12:00.001-07:00

hmmm...

our work refridgerator smells today and i sit near it. at first i thought it was my ass and coincidentally every time someone opened the fridge door i could smell my ass. i thought this to be a weird coincidence, butt you can't fool the poogene for long!

that's no coincidence! it's not my ass! it's the fridge.

much much more has happened. butt i been lazy. started buddhism lectures, therapy, and meditation. i always say therapy and meditation, and everyone is like can i get some medication? nope. meditation. it's nice, butt finding 5 minutes a day to meditate is very difficult actually. i mean it's time that could be spent looking in the mirror for god sake. there is a meditation room in soho at the open center which i go to which makes it easier. however it would be more motivating if they had a mirror. and i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be feeling or what the point is yet, butt i'm sure the point of meditation is not to meditate on how soon the 5 minutes is going to end.

speaking of mirrors. they took down the mirrors at the crunch street lafayette gym men's locker room. it's like dude! WTF!??!?! it's not fair that everyone butt me gets to look at my bodacious bod. i wanna look at my body too! they must be jealous of me

the snoppy poster up top. this is my favorite picture of all time. if anyone can find me a poster i'd be much obliged...

yay!

out of left field!

2007-03-05T20:14:00.000-08:00

hey there.... just got back from puerto rico surfing with nic and jbrecognize, david, roi, avi, and mogul. butt more than this, i needed to tell you the crazy insane news that i didn't expect at all. my beloved elf swan mickster and my beloved artie have decided to tie the knot. they did so last like the tuesday after that presidents day holiday. they called me up and i guess artie got down on his knees and called her dad and shit and asked for permission and then proposed to her at the restaurant they had their first dinner at inside moto!

can you belee dat?

right there in front of a buncha people. i guess it was the inevitable and i guess they are buying a house together in austin, butt for some reason i just didn't think it was gunna happen anytime soon. right there with his mother's wedding ring.

i'm sooooooooo happy for them and for me.

i been asked to be the co best man for the third time in my life and this one seems to be quite the honor as i wasn't even expecting to be up for nomination this time. well, they're all very honorous butt i wasn't expecting this at all.

anushow.

congratulations artie and mickster. i'm so happy for you guys and i love you so much!

yay!

poo!

miscount!

2007-02-27T15:07:00.000-08:00

daddy porkchop said i could update my blog, butt to keep it short as to keep the ekwee-ass up on my blog. anushow, i was looking at my site counter and it was at like 1,096 visitors and for some reason i thought 4 more visitors would hit 2000 people! ha! isn't that laugh out loud funny? four more people! two thousand! isn't that funny? hoooo haa! i had a crazy great dream yesterday. ooo and antony were in it. so were orca's and big giant waves in mexico and ghosts... it was great. i have big news to share with you, butt later. i have a problem with #1. i %^% so much. the four on the floor.. hm. that's all i can write.

fart!

testing...

2007-02-23T08:53:00.000-08:00

http://theater.nytimes.com/2006/05/24/theater/reviews/24phae.html

http://www.curtainup.com/asclepius09.html

http://www.thevillager.com/villager_214/notyourparents.html

http://theater.nytimes.com/2009/01/30/theater/reviews/30corn.html?fta=y

http://www.loco7.org/9_windows/index.html

http://www.offoffonline.com/archives.php?id=74

http://www.offoffonline.com/archiveprinterfriendly.php?id=743

do you smell something burning? shit! i'm on FIRE!!!!

2007-02-19T18:19:00.000-08:00

can't go into specifics. not because i'm modest... (god no) butt i think it would be very tacky and it's disrepectful- butt believe me if there was ever a time i wanted to be disrespectful and tacky. this is it!

ok.

i'll share a smidge. hell must be icy as hell and donkey's must be flying because i am having a lot of eggs lately.

there. that's all you get. yup. all you two readers out there! that's all you get bitches!

first off. i'd like to thank daddy porkchop for this beautiful animated gif. a pic he took from the amazing website which is indeed, the superficial and made it his own. or rather my own for me. that really is harry potter in equus, or in this case unhairy pooter.

what else has been going on?

i have been on the counties for over a week which probably wasn't too smart. my last experience with jimmy was on the counties and we ended up having eggs and all i could muster up was a small rubbery penis. and then he had to leave for korea the next day. not exactly the last note you want someone to remember you by...

oops!

it is friggin cold. i don't ever remember it being this cold for such an extended period of time in new york. single digits for like a month now? there was snow on the ground so i decided to be cute and write jimmy + poogene with a heart drawn around it and send it to jimmy... how do these people do it? by the time i was finishing his name my finger was purple and had no feeling and thus the writing looked like slop. can't even read the last letters of her name and then i just made poo instead of poogene. the heart? are you kidding me? maybe in my braver years... anushow in the end it said something like jim&^ + poo with no heart.

uhm... almost kinda romantic in some parts of the world. maybes?

valentines day was actually fun this year. however before i decided to go to the gymnasty and it was at like 7:30pm when all the lovebirds were at dinner. i was like, oh god i don't even wanna go cuz it'll be like oh! that guy's all alone on vday! butt then i thought maybe there'll be another cute lonely juan out there.

umm. no-

seems like everyone at crunch has a sweetheart except for me, some crazy haag in pink and green tights that sings out loud while on the stairmaster, and a balding dude with a krokus t-shirt. bowing my head in disappointment, i continued on to to work my chest and shoulders and i looked in the mirror. i was wearing pink socks and women's versace sweats that displayed the outline of my penis which was about a leviathan like 1.2 inches.

hm... i guess i was in like company after all.

butt then i went to shortie's vday party and met up with manderoni and that was really good to see them....

then i went to friko's party and it was an anti-vday party. anti-vday are weird because they are basically singles parties and singles parties are fuckin weird dude. it's like hello! i'm alone, let's try and meet and maybe something will work out, here's my number. or like you talk to someone and they're like- don't even think about it bub. i'm like think about what? i just want to meet you people. maybe not.

i dunno. wahtever it was. i just like talking to people without that pressure, not to say i'm not one of the lonely ones, butt i couldn't take that environ. i split after my obligatory 20 minutes to the host and then had a very nice rest of the night.

saw the voysey affair at the atlantic theater company, easily one of the best companies in the united states now... (mamet/macy) on friday night which was extremely well acted and put together. went with tanya fun club and she proved to be quite a fun personality. hope to see her again soon. ooops! i did! today! she gave me a massage w/ reiki.

can't say my neck feels any better. it's really spiraling out of control now and i need for it to change. i was banking on the technology and medicine to have replaceable body parts by now. like going into a duane reade and buying new neck and liver. as of right now. my neck is scrood.

enough for now.

sweet dreams.

i lost my book the jimmy gave me. i'm so sorry....

cocteau twins are so beautiful

rip to my biggest teenage crush...

2007-02-08T15:25:00.000-08:00

dammit... i first saw you when you won playmate of the year the year i turned 21. you were like the craziest thing i'd ever seen to date and i loved you so much. i guess you were crazy, but i like crazy. sorry things didn't work out so well and that you left so tragically young. thanks for making my college life a lot more exciting too... really. i know people say you were a negligent mother, pill popper, money sucking whore, butt you seemed like you had a good heart. besides... i'm attracted to freaks and you were definitely a freak of the highest order.

hmm...

at your peak i remember showing you to my late BFF allan alvarez and he said "holy shit! no one can beat her!"

dude... way totes.

i love you anna. bye bye and i hope you are peace...

fuck.

and fuck all the people that make fun of dead people on blogs. way weak.

poo!

bye bye jimmy...

2007-02-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

jimmy thinks this video is funny. hey jimmy. i leave for san francisco and when i come back you will be gone. life is so random james. i never go to the meatpacking district and i never go out on monday nights and that's where we met when you were drunk off your buttcheeks. you're the first korean dude i ever kissed and it was actually quite nice. everytime i was with you i felt very easy and forgot you were godzilla. you never acted like you were godzilla around me and you were completely unpretentious, adorable, funny, goofy, classy, and gracious. i'll probably never see you again after tonight- our last night together. maybe i'll be more into korean men after this butt i doubt it. unless they have super smooth nice butts- anushow i was a bit funky and you totally cheered me up and i am forever grateful. i hope we can go to greece like we talked about someday. i dunno maybe when we see each other again, we'll both be married...

life is funny we repeated to each other

anushow.

hope your life continues to be wonderful and thanks so much for a fun two weeks.

fart!

marianne poothful

not really, butt uhm...

2007-02-05T09:39:00.000-08:00

urine deep trouble

2007-01-30T12:36:00.000-08:00

i thought that these lowered urinals were for children, but on sunday night at the movies with jbrecognize i discovered that they could also be used by black dudes!

dope!

devil's advocado...

2007-01-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

dudes!

i discovered the secret to cooking at home!!! you just buy avocado's and that's it! jbrecognize turned me on to it! they're so delicious, anyone can do it! you can even take a shit and slap some avocado on it and voila! that shit is delicious! litrully!

so i hung out with jung-hwa on friday night. i was all nervous beforehand on what to do, my mom told me she was married, so i decided to get a little loopy and then when it came time to meet her in a bar, i crawled up to her on my hands and knees and rubbed my head against her knee. pretty bad move. she thought i was nuts and i had to pull it back a bit. as the night wore on, i found out she isn't married- i overheard her stylist say she was a singer and i played dumb. really? you sing? are you any good? have you decided to pursue a career in it? really? it is your career? really? you're well known? ... the night wore on and it was fun. we kissed a couple times, butt i think i was too loopy that i forgot how to french kiss. i was trying to remember if i go in with my mouth open or if i go and kiss her and then open my mouth. idiot. plus i didn't wanna get all up in her mouth in front of her posse. anushow. we kissed a couple times, but no lengua. longest kiss was maybe 2.8 seconds. some warm embraces, butt i just said good night and she left for los angeles.

gunna cook dinner for her and her stylist and her other friend soon.

saturday i cleaned my house. man. i'm a dipshit and do not know how to clean. i see a pile of shit and i decide to move like two pencils at a time and on my way of putting them in the same drawer as my underwear, i get distracted and decide to wash some dishes. while washing some dishes, i decide to change the music. while i'm on itunes, i decide to look for some cowboy boots on ebay, while one ebay i forget that i'm looking for boots and look at the gucci fanny packs. i just can't fucking clean.

anyhow. running on three hours sleep, i go see danny krivit with lei which i have to say again, rooled. i go to roemer's house from danny krivit and need to wash my versace sweats in her kitchen sink because i danced in them and they are longer than my legs so like the bottoms are all muddy and i love these sweats. i spend another hour cleaning them with hot water, then i use sarah's nice face products and try to get rid of this ginormous polpys of a zit to the stage left of my nose. i think this is the biggest zit of my adult career. the kind of zit that i usually would call in sick to work. anushow i get to bed at 6:30 after spanking to cinemax and then i have to wake up at friggin 7:45 because i promised to help her setup for the ave a flea market which is why i slept over.

so then i go back to her house and crash til 1. bring my sweats to get dry cleaned. head over to brooklyn to polly and jonny's brunch in honor of their future child. see a buncha good friends. get home and jbrecognize convinces me to go see somkin' aces because he's been in an acting workshop all weekend. i get hella loopy and then meet him at the theater. i put my hat down at the ticket counter. the movie had moments, butt overall sucked. looked for my hat all over my seat, all over my backpack because i was making a concious effort to not lose shit. and then josh found it still hanging out at the ticket booth 3 hours later.

weak.

slept over josh's. couldn't fall asleep until like 2 and woke up at 9. still need a great night of sleep after a combined 16 hours in the last 3 days. my zit is now a big scab after i played with it. i was a jerk to #1 today and i hope to make it up tomorrow.

saw crash tonight as i cooked a yam, bacon, avocado (yum), and greens salad, with blackened tilapia and beans and rice and watched crash which was good butt shouldn't have won best movie last year.. it sure is fulfilling cooking for yourself. i ate smiling and proud of myself.

like i said. i need to sleep.

good night.

danny krivit is my savior...

2007-01-28T11:53:00.000-08:00

so i met up with leilani last night to go to 205 where danny krivit was spinning downstairs... dude! the best soulful tracks / disco / old school disco imagineable! thank you so much for the best dance night since that one epic day at ps1 when you rocked us then! danny krivit roolz!

Josephine Cochran is my hero...

2007-01-24T12:15:00.000-08:00

she invented the dishwasher. apologies to the world for assuming that the inventor was some guy... well, accourding to my appliance, i thought Ken More invented it.

the trouble with all in one stores like a lot of stores is that i had a very special need for some lamb shanks for watching tom shanks look really really weird and is not aging well... last week for my #1 crush (whom by the way i have decided to give up) the dinner turned out sooooo dope.... butt when i called whole foods to see if they had lamb shank, they said we have a couple kinds. i'm like !?!?!? couple kinds of lamb shank!? i never cooked it so maybe there's different kinds of lamb shanks. like tom lamb shanks... so i get there and i talk to the lady and she takes me to lamp shades... i'm like, ?!?!!? turns out they were out of lamb shank, so i had to go to dean & deluca to get me some shanks. braising is a very delicious cooking method by the way. i'm going to see if they have hell at whole foods so that maybe i can try to braise hell...

umm. is whole foods supposed to be cheap? i thought it was like a trader joe's.. can someone tell me if it's supposed to be a value market? i guess not since i get no visitors on this blog, butt if someone by chance knows if whole foods is not supposed to be cheap lemme know! the mahi-mahi is more expensive than at dean and deloooks! that's ridiculouse!

addendum to the last post-

to her credit for actually kissing me, she was completely wasted and probably had no idear what she was doing. and by no means was it a make out sesh. just a coupla gregory pecks...

so the top three crushes are now nil... and i have no crushes. i will be casting new crushes next wednesday at 367 little west 12th street from 9-11pm. no emails or phone calls will be returned.
ladies... this is your big break.

uhm...

2007-01-23T13:14:00.000-08:00

so like...

i went to the club cielo last night and some random girl came up to me and said you're asian! and i said i'm korean and she says really? do you know who i am, i'm like no and then like an hour later we were ***** up in da cluuuub and then some gay korean fashion stylist dude came up to me as i was leaving and said you're a lucky guy, do you know who that is?!??

that's uhm jung-hwa, that's uhm jung hwa- the biggest pop singer/actress in korea!!!!

happy poo year!

2007-01-20T18:24:00.000-08:00

i got a lot to tell all you all... butt more later.

right now, i'm cooking dinner with workhorse and babs for her birthday. they are playing wii right now and i started cooking a salt crusted striped bass.

more on my super argentina trip later, my new years resolution, and the end of the mlc later.

just wanted to share with you that after i got back from argentina, i didn't wanna shower because i didn't wanna dry out my skin to preserve my luscious tan. so i didn't shower for like a week. and maybe i took some chewy shits... i dunno. whatever it was i was walking around my apartment naked and i dropped something and then when i squatted down to pick it up i could smell my ass...

so... who wants to make out?

anushow, happy poo papsmyear!

merry christm ass...

2006-12-26T11:20:00.000-08:00

first some major news from my wonderful friend on the lane g front.... who just got engaged this weekend...

congrats lane and tsahai! this one was a looong time comin' for my buddy lane g. love you and everything that you've done for everyone in your life.

also mus pay repects to soul brother numba one.... there will never be anutha...

i'm at the sfo airport awaiting my plane to buenos aires via DC. trip home was good. didn't get too wasted although i am a bit sick right now. actually a lot a bit sick. butt it was good coming home to the family and seeing people. beaver patrol, ooo, and antony also got to see paul gallo, krissy, honey and lucey which was wonderful. being sober in san francisco is actually a good thing. this could be the start of something new. i didn't get anything speshul for xmas. just a shirt and a sweatshirt. ummm

well. i would write more, butt i gotta go poo before i board my plane. in total a 16 hour flight and i'm sick as fuck.

oh well..

more lates.

poo!

a drama queen's mid-life crisis....

2006-12-23T14:01:00.000-08:00

first off- i need to update me shit more because i'm inspired by the likes of my eternally #1 crush in manhattan- she like just picked up and left for mexico drifted around and now is residing in los angels and is just having fun living life like the carefree monkey that she is. not only that butt this gorgeous multi-faceted diamond of a hussy just recently got engaged to some guy that totally gets my seal of approval. i actually didn't get to exchange words or bodily fluids with this guy, butt she is destined for greatness and i know if she is making a decision for her life this long, that he's gotta be stellar. in another life though, i do plan to fuck the shit of her...

holy shit! i just looked at her flickr shit! not only is she good about updating her blog, she tags every pic on flickr! shit is one!

anushow, about my mid life crisis...

i'm in san francisco now. home. feels good to be home. i was doing pretty good until i got buttcrack in the tl last night. along the way some homeless homo started saying how pretty i was and then got pretty aggressive. it was kinda weird and at one point i had to get defensive. the guy who helped me out was some weird black dude that was wearing a lime green neon shirt who lives in vallejo and said that the salad days in san francisco are over.

then i talked to antony about my mlc. he's like the 22nd person i been talking to about this so it's pretty well rehearsed. butt since out of anyone in my life i take his advice most to heart it was interesting and somewhat revealing.

basically it's this.

i'm all like 34 now. my job had offered me a director position which i turned down. this in itself made me wonder- why when everyone else my age and not even my age wants to ascend up the corporate ladder do i not want to? when am i going to be the one that accepts responsibility and wants to be the one in charge? i pondered this and then interviewed all these people to be my boss. some older some younger, butt many in the field for as long ass me, around 10 years. and they were SO smart. then it's like- if i been doing something for like 10 years, shouldn't i have a certain level of pride in me to want to do it well? so what if i'm not that into technology any more... 40 hours a week for ten years has been THE majority of my life. shouldn't i be a badass at it?

okay... i love evey juan. i really do. butt of course i look at people and think that guy/girl is a dumbass and sux my dick. butt then i look at some of these people and it's like what they have done and they have done amazing things with their life! these people that i always had an arrogant attitude towards that i was always a bit superior and more special, these people have accomplished much greater things than I! these average joes that i chide for being average are indeed more special than i. this is kinda weird. you see... i always thought that i had this kind of fire hankerin' down in my heart. a light that i needed to share with this here world and that i can accomplish great things. and i still feel it. butt in reality, i got nothing to prove it except for a few good nights of fun which really prove nothing. as far back as 5th grade, i could always remember i associated with the freaks, i wanted to distance myself from the status quo and hang out with the freaks who were destined for greatness. i still do, but the average joes are supersceding me and i am the one that is being left in this cloud of mediocrity.

women- at 25 i wasn't ready to settle down. fair enough. at 30 i think i met one or two people that i could've (in retrospect) spent my life with butt thought i wasn't ready. now at 34 i don't think i am either. dude. when am i going to be ready and want to grow up. what is this holden caulfield, peter pan shit?

the other day i got an email to audition for a staged reading at the apollo theater and i was recommended by fred ho for a collaboration he is working with ruth margraff. I'm like who are these people and how'd they get my name? and then i looked em up and they're pretty serious heads- how'd they get my name? why did he recommend my ass? anushow i'm scared to do it because it sounds so great...

therein lies the answer- i think i am clouded with fear. i don't know how i got to this point butt it's a bit terrifying. the good thing is that i recognize this. the bad is that i can see myself needing to change butt not doing anything about it butt worry about how to change it for the next 10 years. something needs to happen and it ain't gunna happen by me just pondering and playing all day. i know what it takes to master things and it takes dedication and work.

i ain't lazy and i am hyperactive and involved in a lot. in fact if i were to sit and realize that i bought a house, performed and toured in over 15 countries, got written up in the times and the new yorker, well loved by friends and co-workers, excercise religously- that's all cool. if it it weren't for this arrogant belief that i was always destined for greatness, then i would be okay... problem is, is that i am just that. content. butt i want to go back to being elated- ebulliant.

i don't know. i am blessed in my life to be surrounded by the freaks in my life that are special. antony, ooo, daddy, pleasurable side, beaver patrol, girlhattan, crist renee, one-half, workhorse, three elephants, mon ange, g-meister, purist- they are all in their own way extremely inspring and some of these people are fearless. everyone is scared and full of fear. i'm scared that if i try something and fail it will be humiliating. dunno where this low self-esteem is coming from. the fact is, is that if i fall and fail which many are saying is a necessary step to success. mainly failures will ultimately lead to it so expect it. and the times i have fallen, it wasn't humiliating- the people i love will always love me.

i also think i forgot how to work hard. i used to know how to do this. butt if i go to the library with a pen and paper to write. i pretty much write down- i am an idiot why can't i write about anything.

the older you get the more anchors your lay down and the harder it is to leave what's comfortable. these are all excuses. as the ancient spanish proverb made famous in strictly ballroom- a life lived in fear is a life half lived.

better to fail than be scared.

life for me has always been a party. and if i go this new route and chase dreams and pursue new ones

i know i got a light inside of me that i need to share with the world. 2007 is the year to emit this.

just gotta figure out how. butt dude- not to be cliche butt you only live once and that life goes by so fast.

figure it out dude and stop messing around and conquer my fears.

that is the heed for the oh seven.

watch out world because something might not happen. butt i hope it will.

please.

i love you....

update me please...

2006-12-12T21:30:00.000-08:00

garsh,

don't even know where i left off...

well. since i last updated, gabe had his store opening. pics here it was real nice, buncha my friends showed up and the event was fun. i spent all week kinda helping him out. i didn't really do much though, butt i just wanted to support him because he has always been a bad ass i thought. plus he's hella goofy and fun. one of my oldest and closest friends in new york. met him through cara. weird.

had to cut out kinda early since coop, one of my oldest new york friends who is now in going to dominate the world had his rock star debut. his parents were there and i went with nicki and it was a nice event. pics here man, the crowd and the buzz of it all. i certainly do miss college. could never imagin going to college in a place like new york... but it seemed like it was fun. these were his colombia business school cohorts. he was drunk and doing well. i think he can be in a better band. he used to sing to nicki and i on street corners and we would love it because his voice was so dope. bravo johnny bravo!

then i don't remember what else i did. i shot a doritos commercial which you should check out and put a heart in and leave a comment at. it's really more amazing than the video itself. roman and i (dream team) were thinking up idears on saturday night and then we thought we were lame. finally sunday morning, he calls and says we should write a song. i get to his apt in williamsburg. we pick out a tune that doritos already allowed, and then we penned lyrics. unfortunately, roman was measuring in measures not seconds. so after 5 hours we had 57 seconds of song instead of 30. we had to edit in half and the song was perfect. we finally chose our cuts, shot the video. we went to the park, roman made a dorito out of foam bedding and orange paint and then we shot in the park, and then the 9th floor of my work. we lined a conference room with aluminum foil. then we went to go edit in i-movie and finally we finished at 4am and i had to be at work the next day at 9:30. we got 2500 views and 65 hearts.

then i went to cr 30th birthday celebration at mangia. saw katie and fun hanging out with her and then i test drove my mariachi outfit that i just got that day for mark's wedding. CR looked absolutely stunning as usual and it was good to see the usual cast of characters that were all in town. i asked noelle to take the pic that you see here. just met her and she's kind of amazing. just saw what building she lived in and asked her what she wanted from mexico, i couldn't understand her butt i think she wanted a virgin guadalupe arm patch. anyhow, i promised i would come back, instead i went to jonny con carne's and got some money and evil and then ended up packing all night and spanking twice. sorry CR. i took the car service to LGA at 4:00am and off to mexico i went.

slept on the plane which was great...

shit. it's late and i promised i would get good sleep. more later.

Jimmy Kim come home...

2006-12-05T15:45:00.000-08:00

mosquito bites!

2006-11-29T17:31:00.000-08:00

i swear to god they are!

i have three things on my forehead, one thing on my sidehead, and right underneath my nose (well, a little to the right) i have these bumps that looks like zits, butt they are mosquito bites! why do zits have such a bad rap?!?! whenever i had a zit on my nose or forehead, i tried to lie and tell people, "no, it's just an ingrown hair" and for some reason i'd be less ashamed...

now that my mid-life crisis is coming to an end, i feel even more lost. i ain't down really anymo' butt nothing has changed... it's like i'm destined to feel weird about this in the futura 2000 unless i do something about it now...

dg is finally single butt she lives like around the globe. i called her today and she was less than -

oops!

that's hollipops at the door!

gotta go!

hmm... addendum

2006-11-27T11:24:00.000-08:00

hey. i don't think it's a bad thing. i think it's a good thing that i'm thinking so much. for the first time in my life i'm thinking. when do people have mid-life crisis'?

hmmm

not to undermine thanksgiving and the lott. i have tons to be thankful for and i realize that when the cowboys and the eskimo's decided to come together and have a huge meal that was really great. great holiday. i had a great weekend.

i don't mean to be a bummer.

i have to tell a big lie very soon. it may require like a death in the family. and there was a death in the family and other bad shit, so i'd be going to like the really bad part of hell.
.
.

i sawr a buncha movees. last king of scotland. forest whitaker is ridiculous in that! so yeah. lots of codenames in here because i'm a shady lady.

so the first thing i need is a tortilla steamer. rule #1 for the best burritos on the planet.

i saw avocado on the street and that was really nice.

i have a lot of trips going on and today a friend called me and asked if i could fly to israel next week for three days for a commercial.

that sound's glorious to me...

poo!

hmmm.

2006-11-26T20:51:00.000-08:00

why yes, it's been a very contemplative week.

first off. i need to update this more or at least take notes of things.... umm other than that i've decided that i need to something about my life. just not quite sure how-

butt i'm totally cool... i think it's good that i'm being so pensive, the next steps are actions.

breakdown, i saw the d which was cool. expected a bit more for a movie i been waiting 6 years for. came home and cooked for until 5am . next day onia came over and we did very loopy stuff and finished cooking. went to one half and sands house for thanksgiving which was a totes blast.

i been helping purist get ready for his store opening on thursday. should be really great for him. he's big about to get bigger.

had a great scene for a movie, butt now i forget it.... umm saw a coupla films. saw some dude fall asleep on the urinal. shortcut to nirvana is to drink a bucket of diet coke during a gripping 2 hour + movie. hold it the whole time and then at the end of the movie, when you pee it feels so good you have hallucinations of the divine...

had lunch with erika which was nice. looking desperately for a mariachi costume. (anyone?) freaking about about my money and my trips i'm about to take, butt it's all good. bad news from home.

just saw the last king of scotland with stan bull. dunno.... i am doing everything in my power not to kiss the bull. i can't kiss the bull. do the right thing. there is no point. i need to make my burrito. i need to be able to make a san francisco burrito in my kitchen.

that's it for now.

great...

hang in there...

franks giving...

2006-11-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

umm...

all pics taken courtesy of girlhattan who is much better at this kinda thing...

you'd be better off not reading this entry everybody.

sorry i haven't updated this in a week peepee. (does anyone else even read this?)

been a bit nuts. nothing very funny to write about, butt i'll get that spark back soon. promise. but here is minor midlife crisis...

work-

so at the age of 34 it is a bit difficult to come to terms with work. last week i was interviewing this guy to be a peer or superior or whatever. within minutes i could see that this guy was like 10x the guy that i am. now i've been doing what i've been doing for like 10 years now... even if i'm not that passionate about it, one should have a certain sense of pride to want to do their job and do it well. and again, even though i'm not passionate about it- 10 years dude. if i wasn't learning all i could then it equates to a waste of time and it very bad to look back and think you've wasted 10 years of a precious life.

it has been the vehicle for money and i have been performing quite regularly and so that's all good, butt i don't wanna be just that normal guy. also the company i work for has some of the most beautiful people i have ever met in my life and in the 6 years i been with them they have been so good to me and been a family. you would think that i would've tried a lot harder for people that i say i love and care about.

women-

erilistoelpollo the beautiful spirit and i are no longer an hot ticket because i am too picky and can't compromise for anyone for shit. not too worried but getting a little scared now that no one seems to be holding my interest for more than a week. am i too picky? am i too jaded? am i too arrogant to not comproise and inch? who am i to expect everyone to conform to me?

crazy drama last saturday maybe it's fiction.

started out with a very pleasant brunch with girlhattan of eggs hussard at mcnally's spot in the LES. looked like eggs benedict with syrup so i got it. it was actually mushroom sawce...

then the crazy drama

so bambi and i are shopping resumes after we agreed not to see each other, but he really wanted to see me for 5 minutes and i agreed. we're in one of my friend's restaurants where we are shopping around her resume and then all of a sudden grizzly comes in disheveled about how empty she has been feeling. i run out to console her and tell her to calm down and go to her room and i'll be there in 20 minutes. i tell bambi that i can help her bring her resumes to two more places butt then i gotta go comfort my friend. he gets all upset and says you're gunna leave me for him? i thought you said you were busy this weekend!??! i said, dude! did you see her? she's beside herself and i need to see what's wrong with my friend's when they're in trouble. if a friend is crying i will always follow up! then bambi ran off and said, okay look! look! i'm crying now, you gunna comfort me or him?!?! dude! i'm the drama queen... i want to be the one that's crying!

just kidding...

dude..

i had just spent two months with pollo and it was really nice. super fun and sweet and gorgeous, butt it didn't feel right. i was chasing her thinking... if i let him go it will really be over. this is not how it should end and she deserves better, but i can't just continue to see her and be friends because well... you know. it's difficult.

later that day irish and leaves for good failure. brazil and eleven failure...

the whole day was a failure. sorry i have to be cryptic butt i guess it's necessary. i just want to look back for me and i'll know what they mean.

that night workhorse and girlhattan and i met at BLT Fish and had the tower of power platter which was like 115 dollars of raw bar and it was very delicious. some lady asked me for a light before dinner and then after dinner i was outside and she said where are you going and they followed us to speakeasy. i really don't know how to read things, butt i think if i wanted i may have been able to have my first one night stand with a woman that was kinda on my tip that night. butt alas, of course i didn't because i'm a loser and because i was just feeling kinda shitty that day and that whole week.

my mom came home from korea to report that her eldest brother and my uncle had passed away. then there is another brother "fart" uncle that is in very bad shape and won't be with us much longer as well...

this is horrible.

i am not taking classes.

sunday i slept in until 2 because i was a little down, butt then i went to meet jenk and we saw the borat and that really cheered me up. borat and jenk. jenk is really adorable and fun and wonderful and thanks for cheering me up. butt she had to go to dinner. i met up with momocito and he cooked me dinner being the beautiful man that he is. it was his birthday on monday. i love you momocito. he went to canada to celebrate.

then i went home and was still a bit down. until istanbul gave me a call and came over.... we talked about where we both are in life and it was sad to realize how comforting it was to see another person down in the doldrums as well. she left at around 1am and it was hmm... i dunno... butt i did see her off.

monday i went to my first NBA game and saw 5'9" nate block yao ming in these 250 dollar seats. thanks axiom for that again... then i went to see how gabe was doing with his shop that is going to take over the world.

tuesday i went to afdy for the first time in forever and couldn't get in the circle. met up with gae again, then went to nicky's.

went boxing this morning with alec hella early and today i'm eating lunch togo. scary. i will always be attracted to 20year olds. it is time i stopped doing something about it. right?

right.

shit.

very contemplative week. a semi mid life? that's exciting...

time to cooking...

happy thanksgiving peoples

all hail the queen...

2006-11-15T13:26:00.000-08:00

"ladies and gentlemen! - the queeeeeeeeen of soul!"

is how she was announced on stage and i got to see one of my lifelong heroes who has provided me with years and years of comfort with her voice and songs. the greatest female voice of all time and i got to witness her in person at hammerstein last night...

she came out with and started the night and the crowd with Respect and then she sang my favorite. well.. i have many favorites, butt my favorite ballad is ain't no way where she hits the highest note ever recorded on a song and when she hits that note... well have you ever had a doctor stick his finger up your butt and press your prostate gland and you bust nut whether or not you want to? aretha hits that note and she hits some emotional prostate gland and it forces you to cry. not too many singers can make me cry on demand, butt she, joni mitchell, mary j., stevie, al green, sly, and mick certainly can.

well she couldn't quite hit the high notes any more, and mama is big now... but she still is one of the most beautiful creatures in this world. nicki said she's a diva and that no matter who she is, she shouldn't treat people like that. i don't think nicki knows her. plus, my god- she is lady soul and 60 something. she deserves to get away with a lot. my favorite fast song was not played, butt she did sing my one of my favorite opera songs from turandot.

holy shit. i just looked up the lyrics for nessun dorma and i saw this video with the beautiful girl.

look.

as an aside. i need to just stop with this 22 yr old bullshit. yes, they are pretty looking and oooooh ooh ooh so delicious butt c'mon poogene. i'm always going to be attracted to them. problem with having a penis. from the ages of 8-80 the girls of playboy never age. i will always be attracted to the youth, i jjust have to realize that i won't always be compatible with them. shit.

peter pan.

anyhow. she sang that song and that catchy song that sinatra sings about sailing and maggie's back in town and all that which babs didn't really like or didn't understand... but babs loved it. areeta brought the house down. i'm never going to not see her again. still kills me that i missed her already legendary performance at the apollo theater earlier this year.

best song of last night was probably never loved a man... shit was dope. she's beautiful and my eyes welled up numerous times and i couldn't believe i was in her prescence.

so good to see so many pay tribute and you could tell the people that absolutely loved her (like i do) who were just amazed by watching the woman who has helped them through so many moments of heartbreak, who sang to us as we first discovered how good soul music could be, who made us learn to dance to a a voice so powerful that you are sure you are listening to a conduit to the heavens. thanks for everything you've ever done for me lady soul... i owe you soooo much and you have earned the title of a poogene hero

is not at the cafe today. very cryptic here...

went home last night. put the final coat of poly on my floor at midnight, then went to jcc's to get the loopies and then deliever them to nix. pretty busy for a school night.

umm...

okay bye.

Pooetry

YO! Is Mario coming to work today, cuz i heard that boy is out 6!

damn straight

this time it's different...

farts vs. burps

bob loblaw...

Angels Trailer!

jobless...

pootopes!

pootopia

test

die nasty

save rays!

wonder woman

assive aggressive

the blue light was my lady, the red light was my mind....

thatzit!

Theater Review (NYC): Immortal: The Gilgamesh Variations - Culture - Blogcritics

Best Ever

sneezy like sunday morning...

scoot the boot

yay!

roman and sandy are engaged!

thank you califonia...

the san francisco experience...

totes not fair...

10 years in new york today...

fear - my new years rez

fuck

lots have passed...

stoopid

i ate a tomato

***dreams***

surgery, part doo!

you know who raised me?

5 weeks...

weak

happy anusversary!!!

fat fatbacks's fatassss song...

frankenfooter..

something to be thankle for...

london london london - backdate april 09

diligence...

idiot factory...

The Bible

hello old friend...

breast night of my life...

dory toes...

best email ever...

back to school

seriously wet

embalming fluid

HELP La MaMa WIN $50,000

hygiene poogene...

integrity...

Hooray for Jock Itch!

so long old pal...

ord-lax - hawaii 2007

i got it i got it! and i'm starting to quit in two days!

dear abbey...

hmmm...

i love new york

21 is far too young...

more israel..

israel...

q: what do israeli's do after dinner?

35 israeli old

eggs...

press the poo button!

you betta wax somebody...

HOLY CRAPBALLS!

weird people

weight up!

life is crazy....

i'm busy...

fasting and cleansing...

Pooetry Classic Time! - Aug 31, 2005

keep moving... nothing to see

out of left field!

miscount!

dreams