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you betta wax somebody...

Well. i diddit. 14 years after angry beaver and i naired and shaved our sphincters respectively, i decided to take the plunge and wax the glory hole. i've been terrified to do so. i mean legs yeah whatever, butt a sphincter. isn't it like your gums? isn't it like wet area on your body? it would be like waxing your gums. like pouring hot wax on your gums and then ripping it off. needless to say, i was terrified.

this fear was compounded by the fact that i was getting it done by the korean lady that's been painting my nails for the past four years so i like am kinda friends with her.

so i walk in and say i'm doing it. she takes me to the back room and says "okay, take off your pants." i'm like "what? i can't take off my pants, i know you!" so i take off my fuckin' pants... then i'm in my underwear and she's like, "take off your underwear." i'm like "what? are you fucking crazy?!?!!? i'm not gunna take off my fucking underwear!" and then i took off my fucking underwear and then immediately lied down on my stomach. i think i had small penis syndrome that day (because i usually have SPS everyday)...

anushow, she's like "now get on your side and raise one leg up" i get on my side and cup my hands over my fucking bare ass ballsack and then she's like "now with your fingers, reach deep into your crevice and spread your cheeks apart as wide as you can"

dude...

so i'm like fucking ass naked, on my side trying to hide my fucking nutsack with my hips and spreading my friggin ass cheeks so wide open that i could feel the wind blowing in my colon. had i known this was going to happen, i would have washed my ass for the poor lady (maybe), butt i didn't know. c'mon. how would i know... so like, i had taken a shit earlier and i mean, i didn't feel anus berries, butt i mean there had to be some residue... right? anyhow, she sprays my fucking sphincter with i'm something probably very similar to bleach or sulfuric acid to kill my shit smell and stains and then wipes it down.

it was then that i realized that she might have the worst job in the world.

she then takes a popsicle stick, dips it in scalding wax and smears that shit like butter all over my buns. dude. all over my fucking buns. it was the weirdest sensation. i didn't know if it was tickling or painful and i started writhing and screaming and giggling all over the table. homegirl with the worst job in the world had to hold me down. i felt like linda blair. it was like when i got my first rimjob and it felt so incredible that i lost control of my legs and kicked the girl in the head.

well.... the rips of tape came off with my fucking ass pubes attached and i think i didn't feel any more pain, because i was more just trying to deal with the humiliation.

i got this done for the ladies only to remember i got no ladies. and i got no ladies that really wanna eat bung.

so, i showed it off to a lot of friends and i'm happy i did it.

it's weird. the farts on my bike ride home... i would fart and the fart bubble would ride my crevice up to the top of my crack and then release itself into this cruel world.

that's my story.

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I JUST FOUND OUT THE DEFINITION OF A WET NURSE!