first some major news from my wonderful friend on the lane g front.... who just got engaged this weekend...
congrats lane and tsahai! this one was a looong time comin' for my buddy lane g. love you and everything that you've done for everyone in your life.
also mus pay repects to soul brother numba one.... there will never be anutha...
i'm at the sfo airport awaiting my plane to buenos aires via DC. trip home was good. didn't get too wasted although i am a bit sick right now. actually a lot a bit sick. butt it was good coming home to the family and seeing people. beaver patrol, ooo, and antony also got to see paul gallo, krissy, honey and lucey which was wonderful. being sober in san francisco is actually a good thing. this could be the start of something new. i didn't get anything speshul for xmas. just a shirt and a sweatshirt. ummm
well. i would write more, butt i gotta go poo before i board my plane. in total a 16 hour flight and i'm sick as fuck.
oh well..
more lates.
poo!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
a drama queen's mid-life crisis....
first off- i need to update me shit more because i'm inspired by the likes of my eternally #1 crush in manhattan- she like just picked up and left for mexico drifted around and now is residing in los angels and is just having fun living life like the carefree monkey that she is. not only that butt this gorgeous multi-faceted diamond of a hussy just recently got engaged to some guy that totally gets my seal of approval. i actually didn't get to exchange words or bodily fluids with this guy, butt she is destined for greatness and i know if she is making a decision for her life this long, that he's gotta be stellar. in another life though, i do plan to fuck the shit of her...
holy shit! i just looked at her flickr shit! not only is she good about updating her blog, she tags every pic on flickr! shit is one!
anushow, about my mid life crisis...
i'm in san francisco now. home. feels good to be home. i was doing pretty good until i got buttcrack in the tl last night. along the way some homeless homo started saying how pretty i was and then got pretty aggressive. it was kinda weird and at one point i had to get defensive. the guy who helped me out was some weird black dude that was wearing a lime green neon shirt who lives in vallejo and said that the salad days in san francisco are over.
then i talked to antony about my mlc. he's like the 22nd person i been talking to about this so it's pretty well rehearsed. butt since out of anyone in my life i take his advice most to heart it was interesting and somewhat revealing.
basically it's this.
i'm all like 34 now. my job had offered me a director position which i turned down. this in itself made me wonder- why when everyone else my age and not even my age wants to ascend up the corporate ladder do i not want to? when am i going to be the one that accepts responsibility and wants to be the one in charge? i pondered this and then interviewed all these people to be my boss. some older some younger, butt many in the field for as long ass me, around 10 years. and they were SO smart. then it's like- if i been doing something for like 10 years, shouldn't i have a certain level of pride in me to want to do it well? so what if i'm not that into technology any more... 40 hours a week for ten years has been THE majority of my life. shouldn't i be a badass at it?
okay... i love evey juan. i really do. butt of course i look at people and think that guy/girl is a dumbass and sux my dick. butt then i look at some of these people and it's like what they have done and they have done amazing things with their life! these people that i always had an arrogant attitude towards that i was always a bit superior and more special, these people have accomplished much greater things than I! these average joes that i chide for being average are indeed more special than i. this is kinda weird. you see... i always thought that i had this kind of fire hankerin' down in my heart. a light that i needed to share with this here world and that i can accomplish great things. and i still feel it. butt in reality, i got nothing to prove it except for a few good nights of fun which really prove nothing. as far back as 5th grade, i could always remember i associated with the freaks, i wanted to distance myself from the status quo and hang out with the freaks who were destined for greatness. i still do, but the average joes are supersceding me and i am the one that is being left in this cloud of mediocrity.
women- at 25 i wasn't ready to settle down. fair enough. at 30 i think i met one or two people that i could've (in retrospect) spent my life with butt thought i wasn't ready. now at 34 i don't think i am either. dude. when am i going to be ready and want to grow up. what is this holden caulfield, peter pan shit?
the other day i got an email to audition for a staged reading at the apollo theater and i was recommended by fred ho for a collaboration he is working with ruth margraff. I'm like who are these people and how'd they get my name? and then i looked em up and they're pretty serious heads- how'd they get my name? why did he recommend my ass? anushow i'm scared to do it because it sounds so great...
therein lies the answer- i think i am clouded with fear. i don't know how i got to this point butt it's a bit terrifying. the good thing is that i recognize this. the bad is that i can see myself needing to change butt not doing anything about it butt worry about how to change it for the next 10 years. something needs to happen and it ain't gunna happen by me just pondering and playing all day. i know what it takes to master things and it takes dedication and work.
i ain't lazy and i am hyperactive and involved in a lot. in fact if i were to sit and realize that i bought a house, performed and toured in over 15 countries, got written up in the times and the new yorker, well loved by friends and co-workers, excercise religously- that's all cool. if it it weren't for this arrogant belief that i was always destined for greatness, then i would be okay... problem is, is that i am just that. content. butt i want to go back to being elated- ebulliant.
i don't know. i am blessed in my life to be surrounded by the freaks in my life that are special. antony, ooo, daddy, pleasurable side, beaver patrol, girlhattan, crist renee, one-half, workhorse, three elephants, mon ange, g-meister, purist- they are all in their own way extremely inspring and some of these people are fearless. everyone is scared and full of fear. i'm scared that if i try something and fail it will be humiliating. dunno where this low self-esteem is coming from. the fact is, is that if i fall and fail which many are saying is a necessary step to success. mainly failures will ultimately lead to it so expect it. and the times i have fallen, it wasn't humiliating- the people i love will always love me.
i also think i forgot how to work hard. i used to know how to do this. butt if i go to the library with a pen and paper to write. i pretty much write down- i am an idiot why can't i write about anything.
the older you get the more anchors your lay down and the harder it is to leave what's comfortable. these are all excuses. as the ancient spanish proverb made famous in strictly ballroom- a life lived in fear is a life half lived.
better to fail than be scared.
life for me has always been a party. and if i go this new route and chase dreams and pursue new ones
i know i got a light inside of me that i need to share with the world. 2007 is the year to emit this.
just gotta figure out how. butt dude- not to be cliche butt you only live once and that life goes by so fast.
figure it out dude and stop messing around and conquer my fears.
that is the heed for the oh seven.
watch out world because something might not happen. butt i hope it will.
please.
i love you....
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
update me please...
garsh,
don't even know where i left off...
well. since i last updated, gabe had his store opening. pics here it was real nice, buncha my friends showed up and the event was fun. i spent all week kinda helping him out. i didn't really do much though, butt i just wanted to support him because he has always been a bad ass i thought. plus he's hella goofy and fun. one of my oldest and closest friends in new york. met him through cara. weird.
had to cut out kinda early since coop, one of my oldest new york
friends who is now in going to dominate the world had his rock star debut. his parents were there and i went with nicki and it was a nice event. pics here man, the crowd and the buzz of it all. i certainly do miss college. could never imagin going to college in a place like new york... but it seemed like it was fun. these were his colombia business school cohorts. he was drunk and doing well. i think he can be in a better band. he used to sing to nicki and i on street corners and we would love it because his voice was so dope. bravo johnny bravo!then i don't remember what else i did. i shot a doritos commercial which you should check out and put a heart in and leave a comment at. it's really more amazing than the video itself. roman and i (dream team) were thinking up idears on saturday night and then we thought we were lame. finally sunday morning, he calls and says we should write a song. i get to his apt in williamsburg. we pick out a tune that doritos already allowed, and then we penned lyrics. unfortunately, roman was measuring in measures not seconds. so after 5 hours we had 57 seconds of song instead of 30. we had to edit in half and the song was perfect. we finally chose our cuts, shot the video. we went to the park, roman made a dorito out of foam bedding and orange paint and then we shot in the park, and then the 9th floor of my work. we lined a conference room with aluminum foil. then we went to go edit in i-movie and finally we finished at 4am and i had to be at work the next day at 9:30. we got 2500 views and 65 hearts.
then i went to cr 30th birthday celebration at mangia. saw katie and fun
hanging out with her and then i test drove my mariachi outfit that i just got that day for mark's wedding. CR looked absolutely stunning as usual and it was good to see the usual cast of characters that were all in town. i asked noelle to take the pic that you see here. just met her and she's kind of amazing. just saw what building she lived in and asked her what she wanted from mexico, i couldn't understand her butt i think she wanted a virgin guadalupe arm patch. anyhow, i promised i would come back, instead i went to jonny con carne's and got some money and evil and then ended up packing all night and spanking twice. sorry CR. i took the car service to LGA at 4:00am and off to mexico i went.slept on the plane which was great...
shit. it's late and i promised i would get good sleep. more later.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
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