die nasty

"The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer."

-joan collins


"The beauty in love is not in the receiving but in the giving"

- i dunno was it really donal?

save rays!

so today was my first day on the job! i put in about ehhh.... 3 solid hours at the legendary ray's candy store in the east village. i got to make egg creams, quick math, ice cream shakes, coffee, egg creams, cheese fries, deep fried oreos. everyone gets fries there. that is the big mover. it was pretty fun i must admit. i would say over the course of 50 people, 45 were interesting to talk to and 2 were stunning. the problem was that i have nice clothes and that place will make me smell like a deep fryer when i leave. billya showed me the ropes.

also hung out with my go to gal for the first time in two years. sweetheart. so glad she's not a hooker. it was crazy that i was so obsessed with her 4 years ago. we don't have much in common and now that i'm not as inspired by her like that anymore my shit must not be as funny so she yawns after about 3 hours with me.

hmm...

i was tight at rays today tho! there was old bay salt and i told them to old bay their parents. people asked me if they fry anything there and what i like to fry. i said since i was asian, i liked to fry kites.

hm.

g'nite!

wonder woman

it's totally like it. sick all day... quick fix makes me feel great for a minnit and then crash.

assive aggressive

oh man... this is going to be difficult. today is agaonizing. sleeping was nonexistent last night. i keep on stepping outside of myself and slapping myself telling myself to man the fuck up. nothing ever happened. it's amazing that i felt something after a very prologed numbness. i'm glad that the (somewhat crazy and destructive) passion still exists in me, i just uhh... wish direct it somewheres... pathetic. i think since i have to distance, i'll write over here where you can't see. like hidden on this public blog that is open to the world. i love you, mind... but sometimes you are evil. idjut.

the blue light was my lady, the red light was my mind....

i wanna listen to your music
i wanna play my music for you
i wanna take you down the coast of california and camp in big sur
i wanna run rocks with you in tuolomne meadows
i wanna sleep under the stars with you in yosemite
i wanna make fun of you
i wanna laugh with you all day all night, all the time
i wanna write magic with you
i wanna buy silly trinkets for you
i wanna meetcha to my mom
i wanna make stupid movies with you
i wanna take care of you
i wanna be taken care of by you
i wanna still look good for you while i still got it
i wanna see how this feeling that is foreign to me evolves
i wanna stay at home and cook food together
i wanna get high and go see art with you
i wanna see the world with you
i wanna read the paper with you while we eat the brunch that
i wanna make with you
i wanna pack lunches with you
i wanna ride bikes with you
i wanna kiss you soft
i wanna kiss you hard
i wanna explore new parts of the city with you
i wanna eat chinese food late at night with you
i wanna read books that you recommend
i wanna hear you say get over yourself
i wanna have you help me design my apartment
i wanna hear you tell me to clip my disgusting toenails
i wanna have you around to help tell me when to shower
i wanna just hang out around my house just being myself...

with you.

that kinda shit.

but doorknobs got in the way.

fuck.