weak

summer is here in new york.

i have been writing a lot of childhood memoirs lately maybe because i just finished reading a sedaris book. all my outrageous stories either have to do with sex or drugs. why are they such funny topics? i don't even know if the stories are that outlandish. hmm... i really need to talk to you about my last trips to brazil and england huh...

ate like a king again yesterday. had lunch at the spotted pig followed by second lunch at philippe chow and then at din, filthy and i split a turkey club. it would be a dream life to just walk around new york trying new eats at these fine food places if it weren't for this cumbersome lumbersome pain in the ass foot i gotta lug everywheres. but y'know...

s'aight.

i thought writing everyday would excercise myself as a muscle and things wouuld just magically pop up into my head to write about.

guess not!

happy anusversary!!!

so-

today marks the one month anniversary of the lovely day when my brave and valiant little ankle and foot was crushed by the freight truck, an evil mignon of the commercial trucking empire. not quite a month. i guess a month, people recognize as the same date in the next month or whatever.

dude. have you seen cash cab? it's dope... i'm watching it right now and i love it-

so anyways. not a month exactly, but 4 weeks ago. to be honest... it sucks. friends have been helpful and family has come, but you know... it's new york. people have their lives to live. and living in new york gives you little time to help others. but isness has been angelic and been helping me almost every day. it's also that i'm a difficult mix. everyone has offered me everything from time and money. i decline because 1) i'm stubborn and proud and don't want people to think i need help and 2) i think most people really care, but don't think that it's fun. i mean i don't blame them. i love people, but it's no trip to the water slide park to go to the hospital and hang out with them for a bit. so usually i decline any sort of help. and then to balance that out i'm also a bitch beause i feel neglected when people don't call or flake or visit. so i guess i'm a bit of a stubborn bitch.

what's more is that it's summer and i'm a summer boy... i do miss it. when i've had to go places, i use the car service because i'm over on avenue d and i love it if the driver doesn't know the city too well because then i get to drive around the city longer and just look at the people. it's that time of year when the whole city is walking around naked and it's hot and sticky and i love it. that's been the worst part this thing.

it feels like i been grounded...

fat fatbacks's fatassss song...

well no wonder why people gain weight if they don't do anything...

dude.

so. i been unable to move from my couch for the past 4 weeks and have been stuffing myself ridiculously. yesterday i wanted indian food but wanted to try 3 items on the menu instead of just the fish thingy. so i get the fish thingy, the predictable but benchmarkable chicken tikka masala, and the okra, cuz i think i need some veg action going on, only to realize upon delivs that they like the rest of the indian food (at least north, or at least the north indian on 6th street) are drowned in oil. i tried mitali east because they got okay reviews on the chowhound

dude. whatever. anyways. i end up gettin 3 entrees and some rice and naan solo and until i realize it's 60 bucks. i have a gift certificate so whatevs. i get it and eat it all. not that it was particularly delicious, but it was easier than puttting away in the fridge in my condition. i can't really move things.

crutches are crippling themselves. if you're on crutches, you can't friggin carry a glass from the kitch to the table. it sucks. you have to get some sorta plastic cup and just fill half way and bite it, or just eat and drink in the kitchen, or get cans or bottles and throw that shit to where you're gunna drink it.

regardless. i've been eating like a pig. i have never been more sedentary in all my life. and thus. my shit- especially the affected leg feels a bit like tofu. it's nuts how quick atrophy can set in. right before the injury i got tested for bodyfat and was at like 7%.

no mo!

frankenfooter..

oooh.

i sar the foot today. aside from the foot having scabs all over it, the left side of my calf had 5 inches of pretty big sutures. it looked like the side of a rawlings baseball glove. or a tie up crotch of one of them country rock stars. anushow, i'm coming to terms with reality and just expecting the worst. i know i'll be able to walk fine which is most important, but as far as dancing the way i could, jumping and my speed. i may be able to do things like a normal person can so i'm happy, however for a while i believed i had better than average skills in fancy footwork.

we'll see....

mom left today. gosh. i lover her so much it makes me ache. grapefruit, mattress, and billya later stopped by today to keep company and get loopy and help out and take me to the doc.

i appreciate it mucho.

shit my foot's starting to feel pressure again and now i'm in a permanent cast.

we'll see....

poo!

something to be thankle for...

so-

tomorrow marks the month annie of when my ankle was crushed by a freight truck. i just looked at a calendar. it's not a month. it's the start of the 4th week.

shit.

well... here's what happened and shit.

i was at prince & elizabeth a lil late for work. i rode this path to work at least 1000 times and that could be a low estimate... round the bowery on prince and roll by habana and peek to see who's working there. they're all new faces. no one i really know anymore. me and a freight truck were about to cross elizabeth. it was a big ol' truck and the driver couldn't see me out the passenger window. probably in his blind spot. anushow, it's like i thought we was both going straight but he makes a right...

shit.

the way these big ass trucks move is they start wide and then the back of the truck swings round right quick. the next couple things happened frighteningly quick. i've hotdogged on my bmxican for 7 years now and i think i can get out of any predic.... maybe not this time though. the truck clips me and knocks me off my bike. i look down and see my legs about to be smashed and i pull them up and i don't know what happened next.

i heard screaming and then a women ran up to me and said to you need an ambulance? i felt like i might not- wasn't really in any pain but then i looked at my foot which felt cold it was twisted in a way that didn't look cold. the rest of me was fine. i took off my sunglasses and thought how smart i was that is the year i was going to stop painting my toenails.

you know. because i'm 36 and all...

the driver probably didn't even feel my ankle, but he stoppedand got out and was entirely apologetic. he was a good dude...

the ambulance came and then the shock started to wear off, the reality began to set in as did the pain. it didn't help that ambulances don't have any shocks on new york potholes.

i get to the ER. and the pain is beginning to mount. right before i roll up in the queue, some dude that looks like he just got shot as his shirt is completely soaked in blood. they come up to me and ask me what my pain is on a scale of 1-10. i hate that question. what's 1 and what's 10? i'm in pain, but it's not like i got shot- but gimme some fucking meds please...

anyways... it takes two hours beforei get my first norco. they then take x-rays and inform me it's going to hurt like a bitch, but it's not that bad. the results of the x-ray come out and then they apologize and give me morphine. it's a pretty horrible fracture. shattered on the inside, the back is broken, and the outside is broken.

ugh. the orthopaedists come in. two of 'em... i'm like can i walk again or dance again? they say, i'll be able to walk, dancing doesn't seem like it wi- "hooold up a sec, let's not get ahead of ourselves" says the cocky one. "let's just saay it'll never be the same again" with a wink. they then inject my foot with lanacane give me another shot of morhpine in my IV and then one hugs my leg and i'm woindering what's going on. "you trying to hump my leg?, you a poodle in your spare time?" then the cocky one grabs my foot. i scream pretty audibly and grab a handful of the leg fetishists belly fat" they're trying to set my foot as it's dislocated. i feel it click into place. i laugh and say "jesus, that shit was burly" and then watch my foot flop over. so.. they repeat this about 5 times until they get it right. up until this moment i was surprisinly composed. this shit however was otherworldish pain...

he then asked my why it hurt when he squeezed my foot. i was like "cuz it got run over by a freight truck" he squeezed my tow and i yelped in agony. he said "that hurts?" i'm like yes. i guess he doesn't believe me because he squeezes it at least 3 more times and says "really?" idiot.

i proceed to get a CT scan and it turns out i got 8 broken bones in my foot that he was squeezing to a pulp to set my ankle.

the next couple hours are just waiting and waiting. i keep asking for more meds because it's boring and i might as well get high.

daddy comes into the ER and helps me out. i'm thankful for him being there even though i felt i didn't need him. but he helped out a lot actually. he'll get compensated in life.

they release me 9 hours after i was admitted. 7 of which was just waiting around. they release me not before they tell me that if my ankle hurts a lot i may have compartment syndrome which is where pressure in the affected area gets so high post injury that there is lack of oxygen and the never tissue gets damaged so much that they have to amputate. what the fuck does that mean?!?!?! if my ankle hurts so much after it's run over by a truck, let us know. what's a 10 on a scale of 1-10?

they smile and say thanks for being so "paitient!"

very funny.

london london london - backdate april 09

london

landed in london on a rainy wet saturday. first time in 3 visits in the last year that it was raining which is good luck so i guess i had it coming and all.

anyushow, i landed from the red eye and pervy picked me up form the tubers, and i proceeded to take a nappage and woke up wanting to find joyeaux. she told me to head to kingston for a party.... i thought kingston was in london and thought "lovely!" i was saying lovely a lot because speaking with a englishman is so fun in england. they probably think i'm an idiot, butt it's fun. at the end of the flight, the stewardess asked how my flight was to which i responded quite satisfactree!" anyways... kingston is not in london. it ended up being a 80 minute train ride outside of london. her text to me was, "come to magical island. there is workshop, fire, music,. kingston station. ravensate island. get off at kingston turn right out of station over the bridge turn right, turn left on water follow down river 10 min"

hm.

pretty dicey directions 4000 miles from home. turn left at the river and walk for 10 minutes. butt i did it and got cought up in the adventure. i called her when i got off the train and she said we're on an orange boat.

hm.

boat party i thought.

so i see some people. i see a pier with boats docked. i see the end of the piers with no more boats and no orange boat. 20 mintes down the river, i walk a little further down and hear a whistle. i didn't pay hither since i was all like where the fuck in the world am i and who would whistle at me here? but the whistle came again and i looked closer... it was her coming to pick me up in an orange rowboat, rowing down the thames. she came over to me and picked me up.

that was original.

we proceeded to the island.

the island was at the base of the thames in kingston called raven's ait. apparently where documents that led to the ratification of the magna carta were signed. ait = small island.

anyhow, it was turned into a squat by eco-warriors that had tidied the place up and were inhabiting it. i felt bad. i walk into the party- these aren't the peaceful protestors, i look at the pictures on the wall and there are pics from protests from back in the day. people are looking at them recognizing their parents and stuff. it was bizarre. and the protests lookes like the ones where they chaing themselves to tractors and shit. the hardcore people. there were blueprints out of the next operation... everyone is wearing ragged sweats with holes in them and i walk in like the asshole with cowboy boots, dolce and gabbana jeans, a tuxedo shirt and a burberry coat and say "ummm.. hi!".

but i did notice that some were throwing their cigarette butts on the ground. i always thought this was weird when envirnomentalists did this. hmmm... anyways. i struggle when i get to these places.

anyways... they were freaks and that's a good thing. there was a male beauty pageant, joyyeaux conceived a children's fairy show with a fairy land, we met friends, i met a peaceful nick, and an angry nick, a crazy tobes whom didn't get along with angry nick.

when it came time to eat dinner, they were cooking in the kitchen and we were eating raw potatoes or some shit. i'm like.. dude- you can't cook your potatoes?

we played underneath chairs and tables, we carved paths through muddy shrubs- she like looked at my clothes and said "are those nice?" and then proceeded to drag me through the mud..., we barked at geese, we at eggs.

then she asked me if i wanted to play with the invisible fairies.

umm... that prompted me to look at the time. it was one. last train to london had left and i was on the island for the night. so what am i gonna do, be the asshole and say i don't see any fucking fairies? so for the next three hours i had to pretend like i was playing with fucking invisible fucking fairies...

and then after that we start talking to other people. i talk with crazy tobes and he's talking jibberish and i just think he's ingested some loops and so i thought i would have fun with him or maybe even participate. anyways, i find out that he's actually kinda naturally loopy. this angers angry fucking nick and he starts pulling crazy tobes around the island by the hair saying get off the island, get off the island. it was a horrible sight to witness actually... the kind of event where you feel horrible for not stepping in to say anything and then for the next ten hours relive the scanario thinking what you could have done if you weren't such a pussy....

anyhow angry nick is a drunk beligerent power tripper but infortunately he kinda runs the shop. so... joyeaux and i quack at ducks and then retire to bed and then eat some eggs.

anyhooze- joyeaux and i have met for maybe 10 minutes in person at the bethnal green working men's club at some hunga munga festival last september when i was there. that's it. then we wrote each other some letters. i followed her work and saw that she was an immensely creative creature producing very nice stuff. genius.

this was our first real encounter though. on some island outside of london on the thames playing with fairies in too expensive clothes for a weird squat picked up in a rowboat.

the night was magical and it was lovely spending time with her.

i got to bed at 6ish and had to wake up at 9ish so i could try and cross the river and catch the train to make it to pervy's mom's place for easter brunch. i woke up and the only person that would operate the fairy was angry nick and they said to wake him up. i didn't much like that guy, so i looked around for the rowboat, found it and paddled across and left the island of ravens ait.

had easter brunch with pervy and then metup for din din with bigal.

wonderful first 24 hours in london or not in london.

i love london...

diligence...

hmm...




you really have to write things down or do this thing everyday or you'll forget. at least i do... i think i had something really rad to write about and i done forgot. um. there were marc jacobs models across the street from me and wll- never mind. but i lost my bracelet because of it. hopefully that will be enough for me to remember.

i had brunch today with a total badass of a human being... EQual. he's wonderful and i'd love to look to him for guidance...

what else has been on my mind?

i never thought i would get to the point of being so tired that at a urinal i would be propping my elbow and forearm against the wall to take a break while peeing. i remember vividly in 2000, nine short years ago, peeing next to a kinda fat old guy and he was taking deep breaths and sighing and peeing, and i'm like... is it that much fucking work?

butt lately, i have found myself doing the forearm prop.

*sigh*

today was beautiful. tompkins square park was beautiful.

spring is springing...

idiot factory...

well...

i'm a louse. i bought a garbage can to go underneath my kitchen sink about a year ago at bb & b and was like, it's going to be great. i'm gunna have a hidden garbage can. life is going to be wonderful...

i bought it and it didn't fit underneath my sink. it was all fancy and stuff with a frame which is why it was too big. anyhow, i used the cardboard box as a table to place my badass humidifier that i also got from there for about a year and decided to return it today.

i got a little loopy.

and then i went to bb&b over to 6th ave and it was so much fun. they have the best credit policy there. i returned it a year later with no receipt and i don't even think they carry it anymore. i got like 71 bones credit for it! and at bb&b that's like cash money in your pocket because i could spend a zillion dollars there. i love that place.

anyhow. i go see dreams musical improv show at ucb and he slayyyyyed it!

then i leave and i'm having a glorious time discovering new york streets fully loopy and then i'm like ha ha ha!!! ha ha ha! ha ha ha!

and then i'm like wtf is this piece of trash in my pocket! no need for this silly trash in my pocket! yuk yuk yuk!

and i proceeded to gaily toss it from my life into the nearest garbage receptacle.

and of course it was the cash money in my pocket from bb&b.

fuck.

sucks. major. dick.

The Bible

adam quan must be some sorta badass...

hello old friend...

jeez..

august 2008. my last entry....

so much has happened since then, but the bigger picture remains the same.

the not so little things are barack obama got elected and inaugurated.

matt and zoe are proud parent.

billy and mia are proud parents.

i was in a speaking play outside of la mama.

i went to london, amsterdam, barcelona and visited onia.

nye kinda sucked.

i am in brazil right now in a pensive mood.

originally i opened this up to write about my brazil travels, but all the above stuff merits at least a scribble. they're pretty major so there they are.

maybe more later if i feel inspired. brazil has been amazing, but i haven't had the motivation really to write anything funny about it.

chau!

poo!

breast night of my life...

fuck buddhism...

fuck taoism...

fuck chanting and meditating- last night with a little help from my friends i discovered the path to nirvana lies in none of these- rather the light from within can be found at a bikini contest. and not just any weak ass bikini contest. the only bikini contests for me are the ones where my new god ***candy ass*** is competing in…

yesterday, i was just some ordinary 35 year old new yorker doing the daily fucking grind. single, not really happy with my job, shrinking penis, ass herpes, etc...

i was done for.

out.

finished.

kaput.

people didn’t want to have anything to do with me. sure i used to run the city back in the 1930's butt now i'm just some old single black mother tryin to earn a buck. i looked back on my life and remembered when i was 25, 15, and 5. life at 35 is not easy and i do not picture it getting any easier for the next 30. thoughts of suicide raced through my mind.

whatever, i thought. it’s cool. i’ve lived a good life. jesus died when he was 33...

i walked over to the fire escape with my head hung low, smoking a cigarette, contemplating ending it all with a non-stop direct flight 16 floors down. i flicked what i thought was going to be my last smoke and was about to follow in the footsteps of its trajectory to end this woeful existence.

right then I got a call that changed my life.

filthy nic called and said that candy’s performing in a bikini contest in far rockaway and that shit is AWWWNNNN for TONITE!

I was like Candy?!?!?!

Candy the white, prissy, JAP girl I met in some noho space?

turns out it was indeed that very same candy, butt I have never been more wrong about a first impression in my life. please. as i was soon about to discover, the girl is about as bitchen as rob halford in all his glory

so filthy nic (my sister for life), hot rob (beautiful boy with a beautiful heart), puerto rico (who as of last night moved up from crush #8 to crush #3), racey casey (goes pee in water bottles while driving then tries to make everyone in the car drink it and then looks aghast at you if you refuse), cali matt (passes out in the car ride home occasionally waking up and saying “moo”), paulrus the walrus (nicaraguan bound, disgnated driver)

and of course candy ass

we all sardined in a some rental van and drove up to far rockaway. there’s one bridge that’s really pretty on the way there. I don’t know the name of it, butt it looked really nice in both directions of the trip. well... i guess if i'm blogging, i'm online and i can google it. there it is- verrazano-narrows bridge. looks great at night with green lights. We got to the connolley’s at like 8ish and there were like 6 dudes there talking about farming sheep with manure or some shit.

i totes pulled candy aside like the brother in little miss sunshine and said we can’t let candy go out there.

we decided to go for a long romantic walk on the beach, smoked ciggies on the beach stoop, dipped our feet in the waters, traipsed over to some bearded clam bar to get some hair taco’s, yapped it up with the bartender. hot rob became creepy telling candy how to pose so he could get some good shots for his iphone.

after about 14 kamikaze’s, candy felt a little loose and we decided it was safe to meander back to connolley’s. we walked back on the boardwalk, all holding hands, we started getting naked, some people made out while others played leap frog. we saw some mosaic whale and mounted it, hot rob and racey casey sustained battle wounds from the whale.

we get to connolley’s at about 10:30pm and it’s a madhouse.

the next 3 hours is a bit boring. basically. hot and crowded and drunk and guido can summarize the experience neatly.

it is absolutely incredible how just outside the most cosmopolitan city in the world, you can get a good glimpse of full on americana. i'm talking like 90 seconds outside the city.

meanwhile... candily was handily getting drunker and drunker drinking vodka with tequila chasers.

the men’s competition finally came.

(schwing!)

the first guy out was wearing white sunglasses and danced to some insanely bad music i believe is known to be classified as HI-NRG. He stripped down to his skivvies to finally reveal a HOT 97 tattoo on his ass.

more incredible fucking beefcake

whatever

anushow, it was finally time for the women’s

the first three came out and were fine. whatever. girls in bikini's. whoo-hoo

then came our girl. the hero of night. my allah, my pope, my zeuss, my elvis...

Flo-Rida was cranked on the speakers with the jizzam of the summer and our girl came out with her face in her hands. I was like, aww shit!!! What the fuck is this embarrassed routine!?!? that's not what we rehearsed?! Then BLAMMO! her top comes off and nothing else in my life really matters... all of a sudden i am whisked away on the wings of fairies to a magical place and there is nowhere on earth or heaven i would rather be...

even though i was my sandwiched in between 8 large guido's with neck fat being pressed into my cheek, this was what they must call heaven because candy and her magical tits had me spellbound. holy shitballs. i could only see like 8% of what she was doing because my line of vision was obscured by people going absolutely ape shit. butt i'll tell you what bitch- that 8% of what I was watching was like having front row tickets to a prince concert.

better.

i mean it was just an ordinary wednesday night in far rockaway until one lonely knot becomes undone and then all of a sudden it’s fucking new years eve.

candy was awwwnnnnn fire! YEARGHE! it was almost too much candy! 26 people in the audience had to be rushed to the orthodontist- from all that sweet, wet, dripping, potent, hot, candy

she immediately got disqualified butt the judges couldn’t kick her off because they had raging boners themselves. no one knew what to do with her! no one had ever seen anything like it before in their lives! one righteous god-fearin’ woman tried to get up and stop it and candy pulled a .22 out of her ass and shot her dead on the spot and then ate her head!!!

that’s the truth.

i am crappin you negative son…

i thought I was a freak. holy shit, I’m a fucking pussy- i’m an altar boy next to this bitch…


candy ass- no one can top you when your topless.

i gots nothing butt respect for you.

you
are

insane,


poo!

dory toes...

best email ever...

Top 10 ways to be the funny guy in the office:

10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if
they don't, and then punch them in the face.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you
the sympathy remarks, tell them how you are just kidding and tell them
that they are a bunch of queers.

8. Before a meeting fill your mouth with custard. During the meeting,
put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a big
loogie. Then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the
person next to you and say, 'beat that'.

7. Inform a male co-worker that he 'wouldn't make a good hooker.' Then
piss in his coffee and tell him that he needs a good 'ass fucking'.

6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and keep one hand
down your pants.

5. Answer every question asked to you with "fuck if I know!" then call
the person a racial slur that doesn't match their race.

4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your
nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hand.

3.Shit on the floor of your office and when someone comes in and sees
it, tell them its the fake kind. When they try to pick it up and
realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.

2. Run down the hall with your dick hanging out while pissing all over
and yell, "it wont stop! God help me! It wont stop!" Then when it
stops, look down and say, "oh".

1. Ask to borrow someone's pen. Bring it to the bathroom and stick it
in your ass. Return it and tell the person to smell it. When they tell
you it smells bad, be like, "It should! I had it in my ass!"

back to school

so today was my first day in school in like seriously 15 years or so. and even 15 years ago, when i was in school i was arguable incoherent.

terrified

seriously wet

embalming fluid

crazy. i mean... i had a crazy night. butt crazier still, i went to some stupid link today where there was a woman dancing with her dog to "you're the one that i want" from grease. i can't embed because i just can't this morning. i was seriously disassociated last night. it was an epic night with quirx, g, and horse and we went back to the 70s.

anyhow watched this vid this morning http://www.koreus.com/video/chien-danseur.html while listening to my itunes playlist. the movie starts playing and then like 40 seconds into it, the song comes on. whatever, the vid is stupid, butt at the same exact (maybe 1 second off) the same song comes on my itunes. that is like when you're flipping radio stations and you hear the exact same song playing. butt times 20!

that is absolutely isnance!

i'm going to celebrate and masturbate...

HELP La MaMa WIN $50,000

hygiene poogene...

i pungot to mention that i'm also going to start washing my hands after i go the bathroom. not because i think they get dirtier after i go to the bathroom, butt it's a good excuse to wash my hands. sometimes i just wash my hands and everytime i do, there is serious brown water... so- i'm 35 now. i'm going to wash my hands more often...

i also admit i pungot how to spell hygiene for a minute and had to google it.

integrity...

that is my matt daddy one word resolution of the year and it's been tough butt i been keeping it up butt i do need to ask you where do i draw the line. the other day i wanted to leave filthy nic's apt butt i saw dishes in her sink, so i thought integrity and went back and did them. good job. today, i was at some primary party eating pizza even though i had my first solid BM's in two days and i went pee on the floor. i noticed i kinda squirted north and missed the rim a bit. i thought integrity and wiped my mess up. upon doing so i also noticed that there was pee on the floor before the toilet where there usually is pee on the floor. i didn't know if that was my pee or someone else's urine, butt i wiped it up out if integritious manners, butt is that being integritious or is that going to far? i dunno... i didn't feel better doing it. that's all. i was moe-tivated to write today because she was writing at the party. happy new year everybody.

Hooray for Jock Itch!

or whatever that shit was on my penis! some sorta skin irritation because my member was between me and the surfboard. anushow, it was like itching and shit and then i went and saw a doctor and i liked dropped my pants and showed my penis to the doctor and she mucked around with it and said, nope... not an STD!

i like bounced back up off the chair and started hugging her and shaking her hand and ran around the whole medical center shaking peoples hands like they do in the movies in texas when the shuttle takes off or something.

so...

now that i'm clean, who wants to FUCK!

yay!

so long old pal...

i will update about my awesome hawaii trip soon, and i still somewheres owe an update of p's visit and epic halloween week, however today is the last day i am smoking cigarettes. (crossing my fingers that usually hold my smoke) so... i'm trying to get a carton in me in the next 24 hours. it's actually very sad. i feel like i'm leaving a friend, a lover of 15 years that's been through it all. butt as the girl in the elevator at spring street said, she ain't loving you back. i'm going to miss not all, butt some of the cigs i have are so precious... a bit scared and a bit- i dunno, lonely?!?!?! i'm just going to miss it is all. if only it weren't so cool...

oh well. fare the well sweet tobacco. thanks for the memories...

shit.

just like a girlfriend. the minute i give her up, i want her more than life itself.... i love you camel lights. i really really do.

shit.