israel...

q: what do israeli's do after dinner?

a: they sit around and watch tel-avivsion...

yeah, nobody around here thought that was funny either. people all over the world are more alike than you think...

so i packed and turned 35. turning 35 is rough. now in my toiletry bag, i have kiehl's, glitter, eye-liner, and now denture glue and bunion remover. sat next to some 60 year old christian missionaries on the plane ride over. they gave me a bible for my birthday and when the whole plane was sleeping at midnight, they decided to sing happy birthday to me. nice people, butt- i would have given anything to sit next to an arab on the plane...

landed in tel aviv on my birthday. the world is amazing. you can hop on a plane and 10 hours later you are eating homemade moroccan food prepared by your friend's aunt where jesus was born and it's 88 degrees. it's been an amazing experience, waking up and swimming in the mediterranean sea to start the day. i made friends with the neighborhood cafe. "is that the barista? i heard Hebrew a meeeaaaan cup of coffee!"

(i promise there was a time in my life when i was funny)

hung out the first couple of days with my friend adi's beautiful family learning about them and their wonderful country. went and got some dope scarves at the flea market in jaffa. went to a moroccan henna party monday night until 3am and then woke up at 6am to catch a bus to the dead sea.

i got to the canyon where they saw me dressed in hot pants and flip flops and they're like... "umm it's a 4 hour hike in the lowest place on earth... do you have shoes and water and a map?" nope. all i had was flip flops, hair product, diet coke, and half a brain.

kinda neat. as hot and sunny as it is, you can't get sunburnt due to the atmospheric pressure... whatever that means. my rations proved to be enough. the hike was amazing complete with dramatic canyons and refreshing waterfalls to dip into. and i capped it off by floating in the dead sea (where only 11 species of bacteria can survive) for hours at some moroccan oasis looking at the stars peeking at jordan in the horizon. i wonder if when they showed the sixth sense over here, the kid says instead "i dead sea people"

(okay, that one didn't even make sense)

i missed the last bus and didn't have anywhere to sleep, so i had to beg these teenager girls for a ride to jerusalem. their father agreed only if i sat in front with him...

got to my hotel and woke up super early because i only had a half day to take in 4000 years of history. my god (literally). i been to quite a few old cities, butt i would have to say this one beats them all. the western wall, the muslim mosque where mohammed made his way to join allah, the tomb of the virgin mary, the church of the holy sepulchre (where christ spent his last hours)... i mean. all these things i've read and perhaps believed in at some point in my life butt never really thought of them as anything real. i mean seriously, i would not have been surprised if i turned the corner and ran into the tomb of santa claus (of course that's impossible, he was around last december). seriously. jerusalem packs more per square foot then disneyworld.

went to adi's wedding tonight on the coast and i can't believe how fun it was.

and the people (women) here are striking. you have a mix of moroccan, iraqi, ethiopian, egyptian bloods mixing with the polish, russian, romanian, hungarians. dark skinned people with blue eyes, light skinned people with asiatic features.

no wonder why this is the birthplace of so many religions. looking at all these women, you are certain you are in heaven...

one more wedding. then yom kippur in haifa before i get back to new york.

i missed a lot. 10 days is not nearly enough for a country with such a rich and diverse culture and history.

that's the report from the middle east. back to you jim.

q: what do israeli's do after dinner?

a: they sit around and watch tel-avivsion...

yeah i know. people in israel don't find it that funny either. maybe i'm losing it in my old age.

so i packed and turned 35. turning 35 is rough. now in my toiletry bag, i have kiehl's, glitter, eye-liner, and now denture glue and bunion remover. sat next to some 60 year old christian missionaries on the plane ride over. they gave me a bible for my birthday and when the whole plane was sleeping at midnight, they decided to sing happy birthday to me. nice people, butt...

landed in tel aviv on my birthday. the world is amazing. you can hop on a plane and 10 hours later you are eating homemade moroccan food prepared by your friend's aunt where jesus was born and it's 88 degrees. it's been an amazing experience, waking up and swimming in the mediterranean sea to start the day. i made friends with the neighborhood cafe. "is that the barista? i heard Hebrew a meeeaaaan cup of coffee!"

(i promise there was a time in my life when i was funny)

hung out the first couple of days with my friend adi's beautiful family learning about them and their wonderful country. went to a moroccan henna party monday night until 3am and then woke up at 6am to catch a bus to the dead sea. i got to the canyon where they saw me dressed in hot pants and flip flops and they're like... "umm it's a 4 hour hike. do you have shoes and water?" nope on the shoes, but i have one can of diet coke and some hair product! it proved to be enough. the hike was amazing complete with dramatic canyons and refreshing waterfalls to dip into. and i capped it off by floating in the dead sea for hours at some moroccan oasis looking at the stars. i missed the last bus and didn't have anywhere to sleep, so i had to beg these teenager girls for a ride to jerusalem. their father agreed only if i sat in front with him...

got to my hotel and woke up super early because i only had a half day to take in 4000 years of history. my god (literally). i been to quite a few old cities, butt i would have to say this one beats them all. the western wall, the muslim mosque where mohammed made his way to join allah, the tomb of the virgin mary, the church of the holy sepulchre (where christ spent his last hours)... i mean. all these things i've read and perhaps believed in at some point in my life butt never really thought of them as anything real. i mean seriously, i would not have been surprised if i turned the corner and ran into the tomb of santa claus (of course that's impossible, he was around last december). seriously. jerusalem packs more per square foot then disneyworld.

went to adi's wedding tonight on the coast and i can't believe how fun it was.

and the people (women) here are striking. you have a mix of moroccan, iraqi, ethiopian, egyptian bloods mixing with the polish, russian, romanian, hungarians. dark skinned people with blue eyes, light skinned people with asiatic features.
no wonder why this is the birthplace of so many religions. looking at all these women, you are certain you are in heaven...

one more wedding. then yom kippur in haifa before i get back to new york.

i missed a lot. 10 days is not nearly enough for a country with such a rich and diverse culture and history.

that's the report from the middle east. back to you jim.

35 israeli old

Crazy… I was sleeping soundly on Thursday morning when my phone rang at 9:30am to wake me up (I was pretty late for work) and the secret service was calling me from my downstairs neighbors house telling me they were coming up. It was a lady, so I got up and put some shorts on and a shirt and then fixed my hair a bit (it was a lady) and then answered the door. Here I am thinking, what of the billyuns of things did they catch me for? They come in and inform me that I was a victim of identity theft. Ugh… apparently someone from allied financial was selling records of people for a nice sum of money and used this to create new identities….

Ugh. And I was leaving for Israel the next day. All my credit cards and stuff were on like some temporary freeze and they have to call to confirm that I was really me using it, but I’d be in Israel. Butt it’s okay. I think we’re all good. The secret service seems to be the only purchase of my identity so’s I think I’m good.

Thanks secret service!

I started packing for me tel aviv trip and kate came over to say good-bye and help me pack and say happy birthday. got me a little crazy and she was well drunk... stainmaker came by later in the night and we had fun. she's great.

shit.

i gotta board the plane to tel aviv now. security to tel-aviv is mighty strict. 35 is weird. all i packed in my toiletries were denture glue and bunion remover. oh well...

supposed to be picked up at the airport by my friend who's getting hitched who i used to have a major crush on... she's picking me up and we're heading north.

i fucking packed everything except for one flip flop. i have the other one and i desperately need this other flip flop. it completes like 4 outfits. you think they have havaiana's in israel.

shit.

they better.

gunna go fly now.

shana tova!

eggs...

finally. i ate some eggs again. like i said before... i mean i don't eat eggs nearly as often as when i do, butt for some reason when you watch a bunch of cooking shows and watch all those delicous eggs, it makes you so hungry. butt eggs are much more important when you aren't eating them then when you are. don't get me wrong homey. i love me some eggs, butt it seems much much more important when you can't find any eggs to eat.

i leave for israel in about 39 hours. had dinner with tsol. nice. she's wonderful. two years in the making to have dinner with her at tsol. she seems to be doing just great. saw CR at 9th street market who was working butt didn't make anus money because it was dead because she didn't wave the money incense from the witch store. saw hot kate which is great because i'm going to miss her like crazy and i love her and we lived together for four years and she looked out for me on that one new year when i took too much el cid and she carried me home.

ended the night with jonathong in the park.

excited about israel.

i should pack. maybe i'll pack some fudge.