israel...

q: what do israeli's do after dinner?

a: they sit around and watch tel-avivsion...

yeah, nobody around here thought that was funny either. people all over the world are more alike than you think...

so i packed and turned 35. turning 35 is rough. now in my toiletry bag, i have kiehl's, glitter, eye-liner, and now denture glue and bunion remover. sat next to some 60 year old christian missionaries on the plane ride over. they gave me a bible for my birthday and when the whole plane was sleeping at midnight, they decided to sing happy birthday to me. nice people, butt- i would have given anything to sit next to an arab on the plane...

landed in tel aviv on my birthday. the world is amazing. you can hop on a plane and 10 hours later you are eating homemade moroccan food prepared by your friend's aunt where jesus was born and it's 88 degrees. it's been an amazing experience, waking up and swimming in the mediterranean sea to start the day. i made friends with the neighborhood cafe. "is that the barista? i heard Hebrew a meeeaaaan cup of coffee!"

(i promise there was a time in my life when i was funny)

hung out the first couple of days with my friend adi's beautiful family learning about them and their wonderful country. went and got some dope scarves at the flea market in jaffa. went to a moroccan henna party monday night until 3am and then woke up at 6am to catch a bus to the dead sea.

i got to the canyon where they saw me dressed in hot pants and flip flops and they're like... "umm it's a 4 hour hike in the lowest place on earth... do you have shoes and water and a map?" nope. all i had was flip flops, hair product, diet coke, and half a brain.

kinda neat. as hot and sunny as it is, you can't get sunburnt due to the atmospheric pressure... whatever that means. my rations proved to be enough. the hike was amazing complete with dramatic canyons and refreshing waterfalls to dip into. and i capped it off by floating in the dead sea (where only 11 species of bacteria can survive) for hours at some moroccan oasis looking at the stars peeking at jordan in the horizon. i wonder if when they showed the sixth sense over here, the kid says instead "i dead sea people"

(okay, that one didn't even make sense)

i missed the last bus and didn't have anywhere to sleep, so i had to beg these teenager girls for a ride to jerusalem. their father agreed only if i sat in front with him...

got to my hotel and woke up super early because i only had a half day to take in 4000 years of history. my god (literally). i been to quite a few old cities, butt i would have to say this one beats them all. the western wall, the muslim mosque where mohammed made his way to join allah, the tomb of the virgin mary, the church of the holy sepulchre (where christ spent his last hours)... i mean. all these things i've read and perhaps believed in at some point in my life butt never really thought of them as anything real. i mean seriously, i would not have been surprised if i turned the corner and ran into the tomb of santa claus (of course that's impossible, he was around last december). seriously. jerusalem packs more per square foot then disneyworld.

went to adi's wedding tonight on the coast and i can't believe how fun it was.

and the people (women) here are striking. you have a mix of moroccan, iraqi, ethiopian, egyptian bloods mixing with the polish, russian, romanian, hungarians. dark skinned people with blue eyes, light skinned people with asiatic features.

no wonder why this is the birthplace of so many religions. looking at all these women, you are certain you are in heaven...

one more wedding. then yom kippur in haifa before i get back to new york.

i missed a lot. 10 days is not nearly enough for a country with such a rich and diverse culture and history.

that's the report from the middle east. back to you jim.