the san francisco experience...

(portions of this story may or may not be true depending on if you are the police or say, my mother)

so about last night....

i felt pretty good about myself after working out at the san francisco downtown crunch... so good in fact that i wanted to do some crack. i wandered the streets of the tenderloin and was a little sketched out because i heard the new police chief was trying to clean up the streets a bit. i passed by some po po checking out some homeless people on the streets and decided it was time to leave. right then though some guy nodded at me and i nodded back and he said follow me. i said i ain't following you! you're walking right back to the police! and so i followed him.... we went past the police about two blocks and within 10 minutes i had 3 rocks of crack in my hand for 30 bucks. i didn't look back, got in my car and headed straight for the end up....

the end up.

t-dance. my sunday church. my school. my home. 6am - 8pm every sunday for the past 32 motherfucking years. where i credit learning how to dance by watching all the unhibited freaks let loose their goose on the dance floor. there have been few other establishments where i learned so much about anything. i have not been here in 8 years. i looked around and saw trannies, an old dude in the garden dressed as santa claus playing cards with some woman, and a 60 year old getting really funky on the dance floor. these are my people, i thought. this is where i belong.

it felt great to be home.

bum ankle and all, i was there all by myself dancing with the freaks in the floor and it felt marvelous. then a gorgeous tranny- seriously hotter than 90% of the women i know stumbled on the scene. she looked like nomi from herc and love affair, butt with a way prettier face that looked a bit like the avatar or dark crystal faces. butt make no mistake- she was insanely pretty whatever she was. kept sitting next to me and bumping in to me. she would come up to me and lift her shirt a bit exposing like the bottom 1 inch of her boob and then she was so wasted that she fell down on the dance floor showing her ass crack. i thought she was incredibly sexy, butt you know- a wasted tranny so i just admired from a distance...

we all continued to dance. all the sketchiest freaks in the world that you'd think would be too shady to come out from under their rocks, butt at the end up they are free to be themselves and what you see is the most uninhibited dance floor in the country. it was so beautiful. the tranny still had her shirt up a little exposing herself which brought about her being perved on by two slimy persians decked out in ed hardy... and the little korean monkey name poogene.

butt hey... she wanted me.

=)

so. i'm about to leave, i feel great. then everybody wants to be somebody comes through the speakers





holy shit. i dropped the jacket since i hadn't heard this song out in forever and now felt great. i gather up some courage to approach the tranny because i so wanted to take a pic of me and the tranny just to show everyone how dope this place is. i went up to her and asked if i could take a pic and she said no. i said sorry and thanks and started to walk away and then she pulled me down into a chair in the middle of the dance floor, lifted up her shirt to expose the most gorgeous fake pair of tits i've ever seen. but it was dark and i was like, did i not see nipples? and then i was like... whoa... wait a minute. i've never really gone down this road before and i'm doing it in the middle of a dance floor... maybe i should think about this. and then i looked around. i realized i was here alone, haven't been here for 9 years, don't know anyone in sf... SWEET! who will ever know

(unless i blog about it)

she was wearing these tight pants and i was looking for a bulge but couldn't find one, maybe she went through with the operation or maybe she had it tucked in. at this point, who really cares if she's a man, woman, or donkey... she sat down on my lap and grinded me and then placed my hand all over her chest (felt the nipples!) while she felt me down and i was licking her body. all in the middle of the dance floor. she was completely womanly... soft, kissing her was just like a woman, not gruff like a guy for those that have already asked. i mean the tranny technology today is amazing. seriously. perfect body and the face which they usually can't get totally womanly, this one was very womanly...

or maybe it was dark and i was on crack.

anyhow, she's like let's go home... i was like where do you live? she's like no- your house. i'm like i'm staying on a friend's couch in the mission or... well no offense, butt i can't really take you to my mother's house.

her little gay guard dogg came up to her and probably said something like "be careful of the slimeballs" and then i started dancing with him as if to say, "hey i'm cool!" hmm... he wasn't completely buying it. we went to the bar and she asked for a drink and the tough ass deaf lesbian bartender (god bless the end up) was signaling something to us, butt we couldn't comprehend so she wrote on a cocktail napkin "security has cut you off" and then she glared up and gave me the evil eye.

i was like... well, nothing more is probably going to happen. so i said thanks and wished her a happy new year.

i went to where i was going and then had little more crack and then was going to jerk it to some porn sites. i actually wondered if i could get off on a tranny site and tried it, but after about 8 seconds i was like... hm. probably not.

i dunno. mebbe it was 11 seconds.

i wondered what really would have happened though had we gotten to a bedroom and i opened the christmas present and... well. i guess we'll never know.

i'm not being sarcastic at all when i say that some experiences in my life are so beautiful i want to cry.

happy new year friends.

i love you,

poo!