assive aggressive

oh man... this is going to be difficult. today is agaonizing. sleeping was nonexistent last night. i keep on stepping outside of myself and slapping myself telling myself to man the fuck up. nothing ever happened. it's amazing that i felt something after a very prologed numbness. i'm glad that the (somewhat crazy and destructive) passion still exists in me, i just uhh... wish direct it somewheres... pathetic. i think since i have to distance, i'll write over here where you can't see. like hidden on this public blog that is open to the world. i love you, mind... but sometimes you are evil. idjut.