damn straight

this time it's different...

this time it's sad as in a death

because this time i think i'm done fighting for it and it's really over. it's strange... this summer and the low points of this year were some of the worst i can remember. waaay worse than getting run over by the freight truck and when it came to tears over the summer, there were very little or none.

last night was different. the only two things that ever depress me are heartbreak and death. death is so confusing and out of our control and larger than life that in comparison it makes most breakups seem trivial. mind you i have thankfully never been through a homicide or violent death, butt when you are going through heartbreak there is rejection and there is ego and it clouds judgement in everything.

i mean i don't know what i'm ever talking about, butt anushow this time was different. last night i sobbed a deluge. and it was different. like a death. it was free of ego and rejection wasn't really an issue. it was pure sadness that it was over and with it a token of peace that it was going to be okay.

whereas these feelings were much more real than last summers, last summer hit me on the had like a jackhammer and the pain was much deeper and masked.

this is the admission that it's over and i should give up the fight for what i so believed to be true for about a year now.

i care so much for her. i love it when she gets really silly and scrunches her nose when she laughs really hard, i love it when she plays characters, i love it when she hugs me and shakes up and down, i love it when we snugs on weekend mornings, i love it when we're doin the deed, i love it when we fart, i love it when you do the karate chop boxing punch tilt head dance when you sing, i love it, i love it, i love it.

so many good things butt we i guess we can't seem to get some essential things in order to make it work and it's gone on too long.

it's just sad that i have to surrender, but sometimes you do.

and i'll be okay.

bye bye angel face.

farts vs. burps

somehow through the ages i think we were led to believe that farts are socially less acceptable than burps. not sure how this happened butt i'd like to state my argument for farting...

for some reason farts have a bad reputation for smelling bad. this can be true or not true i guess. butt burps are usually disgusting because you smell the persons not yet digested food mixed with their breath. i think. i mean it's kinda like the argument of sausage vs. bacon. bacon is wonderful, butt there are a thousand different varieties of sausage and to me at least bacon is not better than a nice hot italian sausage. bacon is better than most wursts, which to me is just a hot dog- but not the italian stuff...

maybe that doesn't make much sense, butt here's the deal. i don't know if you've ever walked into a fog of someone's burp butt the faces i usually make after doing so is one of disgust and intolerance. i don't like it and it's not a happy feeling at all. it's just gross. maybe i'm biased because i once remember i was hiking on acid with some fat dude with bad acne and he kept burping and i grew to hate him and burps all togeths. i'm also korean and the burps you get after a heavy meal of short ribs and kimchee aren't cool at all.

farts on the other hand depending on if the person eats a lot of cabbage and nothing else, doesn't have to smell that bad at all. sometimes they are odorless and nothing butt happy fun jovial squeaks. don't get me wrong, i've been around farts that are the product of mcdonalds, meth, soda, and cigarettes- and the end result is a brand of fart smell that is confusing. i remember laying one of these while driving cross country and even though i iknew i just expunged something i could have sworn i was driving by some chemical sewer treatment plant because the smell could not have been man made. butt the important thing to note here was that was putrid as it was and even though everyone in the car made a horrible weird anguished face gesture, i'd have to say that after people were laughing in disbelief and there was a camaraderie shared amongst us and we were elated...

well. maybe not elated, butt people were laughing-

or umm.. mebbe it was just me.

anushow, that's my argument. i think farts are generally a happier thing than burps, less grotesque, and should be more socially acceptable. i think we should start young and teach our children this early.

okay.

bye.

bob loblaw...

i just played a game and the name scott baio just came up and i found out his name on arrested development was bob loblaw.

that was about 5 days ago. i still can't believe how ingenious that is.

okay

bye