fasting and cleansing...

hey every juan!

lots have happened i think. i went to a pool party with girlhattan. i started reharsing for romeo and juliet. i missed two very important parties. i am tybalt. i have to sing. i started using a cleaning lady today and she changed my life... biggest thing is that i started a cleanse. today is day 2. it is the master cleanse.

not trying to lose weight, butt i weighed in at 159. 8 pounds over bbitw ideal weight. aside from that, i am trying to quit smoking and drink less soda pop. today after two days of eating nada, i wigh 158. i must be drinking a lot of that crazy liquid. i have the fuzzy tongue today. the salt water enema in the morning is insane. i mean, i've seen lotsa poo's. lotsa poo's... i'm the poogene fer cryin out loud. butt today after that enema, i took a flourescent shit that was so explosive i had to wipe my thighs and hips... after realizing that was impossible, i just needed to shower.

stay tuned.

this is going to get weirder.

Pooetry Classic Time! - Aug 31, 2005

here was my ad on craigslist when searching for a new apt two years ago. happy springtime everybody... every juan should really be happy now that the sun is out...



*******************************

hello dearest beautiful friends,

my name is eugene the poogene ...

it appears that after living in the soho neighborhood for two and a half years, i have concluded that i'm probably a little bit too beautiful for this neighborhood. i can no longer stand the guilty pangs i feel in my heart when models walk around with their portfolios and then jump off buildings in despair after looking at me and realizing they have little chance of "making it"

like many other martyrs before me, i have decided that i must move back to the east village.

i was planning on living alone but am open to living with a suitable roomate with similar similarities... before i start the broker route, i decided to tap into my own resources... thus:

here's me in a nutshell :

here's some more info about me:

* when you watch HBO, i have a tendency to sit on top of the television in my underwear and stare at you with a lost gaze (...but only HBO!)

* once a month, i will hold my satanic theater company meetings where we will sacrifice a small goat. these will preferably be held in your room since i just got a new bed.

* i do buy milk, but for some reason i like to drink your milk... out of the carton (but i will fill it back to the point where i drank with my milk... you won't even notice!)

* i like to remain physically fit but my gym doesn't have a pool. so at 4am you will find me doing laps in the kitchen sink.

* if i see a cockroach or a rat i will most likely scream "ARMAGEDDON" and then hide in the "cool 'n' crisp" drawer of our fridge until said creature is properly disposed of.

* i sleepwalk with knives

If this sounds liike a perfect match and an AMAZING opportunity of a lifetime for you or anyone you know that would like to live out their fantasy, i will be holding roomate auditions in the puck building next thursday. life is too short to keep us apart any longer.

for real! i'm planning on moving out october 1. if you know of a place or cool person in a similar sitch lemme know!

sorry to bug you all and thanks so much for your consideration and i love you and i think you're beautiful...

fart!

eugene the poogene

keep moving... nothing to see

hmmm...

our work refridgerator smells today and i sit near it. at first i thought it was my ass and coincidentally every time someone opened the fridge door i could smell my ass. i thought this to be a weird coincidence, butt you can't fool the poogene for long!

that's no coincidence! it's not my ass! it's the fridge.

much much more has happened. butt i been lazy. started buddhism lectures, therapy, and meditation. i always say therapy and meditation, and everyone is like can i get some medication? nope. meditation. it's nice, butt finding 5 minutes a day to meditate is very difficult actually. i mean it's time that could be spent looking in the mirror for god sake. there is a meditation room in soho at the open center which i go to which makes it easier. however it would be more motivating if they had a mirror. and i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be feeling or what the point is yet, butt i'm sure the point of meditation is not to meditate on how soon the 5 minutes is going to end.

speaking of mirrors. they took down the mirrors at the crunch street lafayette gym men's locker room. it's like dude! WTF!??!?! it's not fair that everyone butt me gets to look at my bodacious bod. i wanna look at my body too! they must be jealous of me

the snoppy poster up top. this is my favorite picture of all time. if anyone can find me a poster i'd be much obliged...


yay!

out of left field!

hey there.... just got back from puerto rico surfing with nic and jbrecognize, david, roi, avi, and mogul. butt more than this, i needed to tell you the crazy insane news that i didn't expect at all. my beloved elf swan mickster and my beloved artie have decided to tie the knot. they did so last like the tuesday after that presidents day holiday. they called me up and i guess artie got down on his knees and called her dad and shit and asked for permission and then proposed to her at the restaurant they had their first dinner at inside moto!

can you belee dat?

right there in front of a buncha people. i guess it was the inevitable and i guess they are buying a house together in austin, butt for some reason i just didn't think it was gunna happen anytime soon. right there with his mother's wedding ring.

i'm sooooooooo happy for them and for me.

i been asked to be the co best man for the third time in my life and this one seems to be quite the honor as i wasn't even expecting to be up for nomination this time. well, they're all very honorous butt i wasn't expecting this at all.

anushow.

congratulations artie and mickster. i'm so happy for you guys and i love you so much!

yay!

poo!