Pooetry Classic Time! - Aug 31, 2005

here was my ad on craigslist when searching for a new apt two years ago. happy springtime everybody... every juan should really be happy now that the sun is out...



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hello dearest beautiful friends,

my name is eugene the poogene ...

it appears that after living in the soho neighborhood for two and a half years, i have concluded that i'm probably a little bit too beautiful for this neighborhood. i can no longer stand the guilty pangs i feel in my heart when models walk around with their portfolios and then jump off buildings in despair after looking at me and realizing they have little chance of "making it"

like many other martyrs before me, i have decided that i must move back to the east village.

i was planning on living alone but am open to living with a suitable roomate with similar similarities... before i start the broker route, i decided to tap into my own resources... thus:

here's me in a nutshell :

here's some more info about me:

* when you watch HBO, i have a tendency to sit on top of the television in my underwear and stare at you with a lost gaze (...but only HBO!)

* once a month, i will hold my satanic theater company meetings where we will sacrifice a small goat. these will preferably be held in your room since i just got a new bed.

* i do buy milk, but for some reason i like to drink your milk... out of the carton (but i will fill it back to the point where i drank with my milk... you won't even notice!)

* i like to remain physically fit but my gym doesn't have a pool. so at 4am you will find me doing laps in the kitchen sink.

* if i see a cockroach or a rat i will most likely scream "ARMAGEDDON" and then hide in the "cool 'n' crisp" drawer of our fridge until said creature is properly disposed of.

* i sleepwalk with knives

If this sounds liike a perfect match and an AMAZING opportunity of a lifetime for you or anyone you know that would like to live out their fantasy, i will be holding roomate auditions in the puck building next thursday. life is too short to keep us apart any longer.

for real! i'm planning on moving out october 1. if you know of a place or cool person in a similar sitch lemme know!

sorry to bug you all and thanks so much for your consideration and i love you and i think you're beautiful...

fart!

eugene the poogene