mosquito bites!

i swear to god they are!

i have three things on my forehead, one thing on my sidehead, and right underneath my nose (well, a little to the right) i have these bumps that looks like zits, butt they are mosquito bites! why do zits have such a bad rap?!?! whenever i had a zit on my nose or forehead, i tried to lie and tell people, "no, it's just an ingrown hair" and for some reason i'd be less ashamed...

now that my mid-life crisis is coming to an end, i feel even more lost. i ain't down really anymo' butt nothing has changed... it's like i'm destined to feel weird about this in the futura 2000 unless i do something about it now...

dg is finally single butt she lives like around the globe. i called her today and she was less than -

oops!

that's hollipops at the door!

gotta go!

hmm... addendum

hey. i don't think it's a bad thing. i think it's a good thing that i'm thinking so much. for the first time in my life i'm thinking. when do people have mid-life crisis'?

hmmm

not to undermine thanksgiving and the lott. i have tons to be thankful for and i realize that when the cowboys and the eskimo's decided to come together and have a huge meal that was really great. great holiday. i had a great weekend.

i don't mean to be a bummer.

i have to tell a big lie very soon. it may require like a death in the family. and there was a death in the family and other bad shit, so i'd be going to like the really bad part of hell.
.
.

i sawr a buncha movees. last king of scotland. forest whitaker is ridiculous in that! so yeah. lots of codenames in here because i'm a shady lady.

so the first thing i need is a tortilla steamer. rule #1 for the best burritos on the planet.

i saw avocado on the street and that was really nice.

i have a lot of trips going on and today a friend called me and asked if i could fly to israel next week for three days for a commercial.

that sound's glorious to me...

poo!

hmmm.

why yes, it's been a very contemplative week.

first off. i need to update this more or at least take notes of things.... umm other than that i've decided that i need to something about my life. just not quite sure how-

butt i'm totally cool... i think it's good that i'm being so pensive, the next steps are actions.

breakdown, i saw the d which was cool. expected a bit more for a movie i been waiting 6 years for. came home and cooked for until 5am . next day onia came over and we did very loopy stuff and finished cooking. went to one half and sands house for thanksgiving which was a totes blast.

i been helping purist get ready for his store opening on thursday. should be really great for him. he's big about to get bigger.

had a great scene for a movie, butt now i forget it.... umm saw a coupla films. saw some dude fall asleep on the urinal. shortcut to nirvana is to drink a bucket of diet coke during a gripping 2 hour + movie. hold it the whole time and then at the end of the movie, when you pee it feels so good you have hallucinations of the divine...

had lunch with erika which was nice. looking desperately for a mariachi costume. (anyone?) freaking about about my money and my trips i'm about to take, butt it's all good. bad news from home.


just saw the last king of scotland with stan bull. dunno.... i am doing everything in my power not to kiss the bull. i can't kiss the bull. do the right thing. there is no point. i need to make my burrito. i need to be able to make a san francisco burrito in my kitchen.

that's it for now.

great...

hang in there...

franks giving...

umm...

all pics taken courtesy of girlhattan who is much better at this kinda thing...

you'd be better off not reading this entry everybody.

sorry i haven't updated this in a week peepee. (does anyone else even read this?)

been a bit nuts. nothing very funny to write about, butt i'll get that spark back soon. promise. but here is minor midlife crisis...

work-

so at the age of 34 it is a bit difficult to come to terms with work. last week i was interviewing this guy to be a peer or superior or whatever. within minutes i could see that this guy was like 10x the guy that i am. now i've been doing what i've been doing for like 10 years now... even if i'm not that passionate about it, one should have a certain sense of pride to want to do their job and do it well. and again, even though i'm not passionate about it- 10 years dude. if i wasn't learning all i could then it equates to a waste of time and it very bad to look back and think you've wasted 10 years of a precious life.

it has been the vehicle for money and i have been performing quite regularly and so that's all good, butt i don't wanna be just that normal guy. also the company i work for has some of the most beautiful people i have ever met in my life and in the 6 years i been with them they have been so good to me and been a family. you would think that i would've tried a lot harder for people that i say i love and care about.

women-

erilistoelpollo the beautiful spirit and i are no longer an hot ticket because i am too picky and can't compromise for anyone for shit. not too worried but getting a little scared now that no one seems to be holding my interest for more than a week. am i too picky? am i too jaded? am i too arrogant to not comproise and inch? who am i to expect everyone to conform to me?

crazy drama last saturday maybe it's fiction.


started out with a very pleasant brunch with girlhattan of eggs hussard at mcnally's spot in the LES. looked like eggs benedict with syrup so i got it. it was actually mushroom sawce...

then the crazy drama

so bambi and i are shopping resumes after we agreed not to see each other, but he really wanted to see me for 5 minutes and i agreed. we're in one of my friend's restaurants where we are shopping around her resume and then all of a sudden grizzly comes in disheveled about how empty she has been feeling. i run out to console her and tell her to calm down and go to her room and i'll be there in 20 minutes. i tell bambi that i can help her bring her resumes to two more places butt then i gotta go comfort my friend. he gets all upset and says you're gunna leave me for him? i thought you said you were busy this weekend!??! i said, dude! did you see her? she's beside herself and i need to see what's wrong with my friend's when they're in trouble. if a friend is crying i will always follow up! then bambi ran off and said, okay look! look! i'm crying now, you gunna comfort me or him?!?! dude! i'm the drama queen... i want to be the one that's crying!

just kidding...

dude..

i had just spent two months with pollo and it was really nice. super fun and sweet and gorgeous, butt it didn't feel right. i was chasing her thinking... if i let him go it will really be over. this is not how it should end and she deserves better, but i can't just continue to see her and be friends because well... you know. it's difficult.

later that day irish and leaves for good failure. brazil and eleven failure...

the whole day was a failure. sorry i have to be cryptic butt i guess it's necessary. i just want to look back for me and i'll know what they mean.

that night workhorse and girlhattan and i met at BLT Fish and had the tower of power platter which was like 115 dollars of raw bar and it was very delicious. some lady asked me for a light before dinner and then after dinner i was outside and she said where are you going and they followed us to speakeasy. i really don't know how to read things, butt i think if i wanted i may have been able to have my first one night stand with a woman that was kinda on my tip that night. butt alas, of course i didn't because i'm a loser and because i was just feeling kinda shitty that day and that whole week.


my mom came home from korea to report that her eldest brother and my uncle had passed away. then there is another brother "fart" uncle that is in very bad shape and won't be with us much longer as well...

this is horrible.

i am not taking classes.

sunday i slept in until 2 because i was a little down, butt then i went to meet jenk and we saw the borat and that really cheered me up. borat and jenk. jenk is really adorable and fun and wonderful and thanks for cheering me up. butt she had to go to dinner. i met up with momocito and he cooked me dinner being the beautiful man that he is. it was his birthday on monday. i love you momocito. he went to canada to celebrate.

then i went home and was still a bit down. until istanbul gave me a call and came over.... we talked about where we both are in life and it was sad to realize how comforting it was to see another person down in the doldrums as well. she left at around 1am and it was hmm... i dunno... butt i did see her off.

monday i went to my first NBA game and saw 5'9" nate block yao ming in these 250 dollar seats. thanks axiom for that again... then i went to see how gabe was doing with his shop that is going to take over the world.

tuesday i went to afdy for the first time in forever and couldn't get in the circle. met up with gae again, then went to nicky's.

went boxing this morning with alec hella early and today i'm eating lunch togo. scary. i will always be attracted to 20year olds. it is time i stopped doing something about it. right?

right.

shit.

very contemplative week. a semi mid life? that's exciting...

time to cooking...

happy thanksgiving peoples

all hail the queen...

"ladies and gentlemen! - the queeeeeeeeen of soul!"

is how she was announced on stage and i got to see one of my lifelong heroes who has provided me with years and years of comfort with her voice and songs. the greatest female voice of all time and i got to witness her in person at hammerstein last night...

she came out with and started the night and the crowd with Respect and then she sang my favorite. well.. i have many favorites, butt my favorite ballad is ain't no way where she hits the highest note ever recorded on a song and when she hits that note... well have you ever had a doctor stick his finger up your butt and press your prostate gland and you bust nut whether or not you want to? aretha hits that note and she hits some emotional prostate gland and it forces you to cry. not too many singers can make me cry on demand, butt she, joni mitchell, mary j., stevie, al green, sly, and mick certainly can.

well she couldn't quite hit the high notes any more, and mama is big now... but she still is one of the most beautiful creatures in this world. nicki said she's a diva and that no matter who she is, she shouldn't treat people like that. i don't think nicki knows her. plus, my god- she is lady soul and 60 something. she deserves to get away with a lot. my favorite fast song was not played, butt she did sing my one of my favorite opera songs from turandot.

holy shit. i just looked up the lyrics for nessun dorma and i saw this video with the beautiful girl.

look.

as an aside. i need to just stop with this 22 yr old bullshit. yes, they are pretty looking and oooooh ooh ooh so delicious butt c'mon poogene. i'm always going to be attracted to them. problem with having a penis. from the ages of 8-80 the girls of playboy never age. i will always be attracted to the youth, i jjust have to realize that i won't always be compatible with them. shit.

peter pan.

anyhow. she sang that song and that catchy song that sinatra sings about sailing and maggie's back in town and all that which babs didn't really like or didn't understand... but babs loved it. areeta brought the house down. i'm never going to not see her again. still kills me that i missed her already legendary performance at the apollo theater earlier this year.

best song of last night was probably never loved a man... shit was dope. she's beautiful and my eyes welled up numerous times and i couldn't believe i was in her prescence.

so good to see so many pay tribute and you could tell the people that absolutely loved her (like i do) who were just amazed by watching the woman who has helped them through so many moments of heartbreak, who sang to us as we first discovered how good soul music could be, who made us learn to dance to a a voice so powerful that you are sure you are listening to a conduit to the heavens. thanks for everything you've ever done for me lady soul... i owe you soooo much and you have earned the title of a poogene hero

is not at the cafe today. very cryptic here...

went home last night. put the final coat of poly on my floor at midnight, then went to jcc's to get the loopies and then deliever them to nix. pretty busy for a school night.

umm...

okay bye.

first class sphincter juice...

dude...

i am a total first class sphincter juice... bad bad me. i deserve some sorta penance. i'm a little scared now that whoever ends up being a girlfriend of mine, i will inevitably hurt or be somewhat of a dick to. i guess it's natural to take things out on those closest to you. butt i dunno... nicki is right. what i'm doing, taking things out on someone because i'm not sure if want to be in the situation... blech- do you understand? basically- she's saying i'm not a man and am just a child. and she's totes correcto.

i am so sorry. it's become such a pattern of treating them badly that it's beginning to get scary. i so do not want to turn out to be that guy who is a creep to women. obviously nothing physically, but things like getting mad at people for the kind of shirt they have on. basically it's me getting mad at myself for not having being man enough having enough ballsacks to end things with someone, so instead i get mad at them because i feel like i'm trapped in this situation that i don't wanna be in and thus i treat them like shit as a passive way to make them like me less.

hate it. real nice. and i'm super sorry...

ugh.

still owe you a blog about san francisco, butt i don't quite know how to make entries where things are so scandalous. is it okay to publicly write about things like 3am walks in the tenderloin joining a session with a crackhead discussing things like gregory abbot?

umm... elections. that's really super and stuff.

tonight i am seeing one of my heroes, aretha franklin. show actually starts in 83 minutes.

work is getting extremely more jobby job.

i am staining my floors and probably not doing it the correct way.

what else.

my only crush right now is really on L

umm..

i think i should stop chasing women under 26-27.

this is difficult for me to even write this. butt i think it's for the best.

i want to go to a nice thanksgiving party.

i wanna cook a lot.

oh yeah. some heavy shit went down in san francisco. my eldest uncle past away. a general, head of the korean CIA, eldest boy in my mom's family and then another uncle is in stable condition. my mom had to fly to korea when i was out there. other shit went down too... can't even talk about it. haven't even told anyone except for maybe antony...

okay then everyone.

off to see aretha, then i gotta put the second coat of poly on my floors.

i hope i don't turn all scummy and am an eternal mean boyfriend.

i need to grow up a little. maybe a lot.

poo!

i know, i know...

i haven't updated in a while because i've been fucking wasted. san francisco is isnance. more lates...


for now though, ass i was roaming around different friends blogs... romo, girlhattan, porkchop's, you click on other links before finishing your indended story and then you click on some pictures and then you find out some other lynx on that page that distract you away from the original page. ultimately you get all tangled up in this world wide web and you have no idear how you got to where you are.
it's a crazy game for ADD people. in my 11 years of working in technology and surfing the web, i never really thought about why it's called the web. what a perfect word for it... isn't it funny that whenever you type www before something- although nobody really types that anusmore, it stands for world wide web. wow. the information superhighway. i s'pose i need to vote today. i just got back from california where they got like 300 propositions to vote on. that would be nuts! i need to find some guideline before i cast my shit.

umm. so yes. i like writing about nothing more than about my life. i think it's more interesting to people too... generally if i just write about randomness it's better. butt. i mean. really- who reads this. also i like to write openly about everything in my life, but it's already got me into some trubs.

hmm... more on this and san francisco which was a crazy trip. good to be back in new york though... yesterday was a waste of a day butt i think i finally got my shit together around 3pm at work. energy was back enough to go to the gym where i ran into chino loco and then went and crashed out at nicki's who just ran two marathons in three weeks.. where i dumped the stash to recognize.

this morn i woke up at 6:40am to go to a boxing class with the founder of my worknards...

more soon!

poo!