poogene's a homo... -ner!

hmmmm. so. it's done. been off the blog for a while because i've spent the last week or so moving into my new apartment that i just recently purchased. i wouldn't have even writ today had i not been pushed to do so by jenk. so yes. i own an apartment now. it's done and it's kinda a big endeavor i guess... 7th street between avenue C & D. and it's beautiful. beautiful courtyards, roof views, gorgeous street lined with trees, great storage, humongazoid kitchen, and surprise bonus features keep popping out. my mom noticed that when you take a shower and look out the window, it doesn't even look like new york, it looks more like iguazu falls - swear to god...

i love the new poogene adobe... now then. i got the keys last tuesday and my wrecking crew (jb, momo, my mother) have been going to town and i owe them sooo much. we have knocked down a wall, tore down some sheet rock to expose some brick, painted the living room and kitchen, packed, moved, cleaned, unpacked, organized, bought couches, rugs, coffee tables.....

so... to my wrecking crew and especially my mother who yells at contractors for me, buys me shit, goes to bed at 2am falling asleep while scrubbing my kitchen with a toothbrush only to wake up at 6am to ask me what drawer i am going to put my socks in so she can start organizing it while telling me that i need to eat good meals, i need to save money, and i need to settle down, and that i dress funnier than my relatives that are in high school...

i love you wrecking crew. i love you jbrecognize, i love you momocito, i love you mom. i love you so fucking much.

i dunno. i can be an extremely active hoss- ass i wouldn't call myself lazy at all. i can go for months on a schedule of going to work for 9 hours, follwed by 4-5 hours of rehearsal, followed by 90 minutes of gym. i can do this everyday for like 5 months. i leave the house to go to work at 9:30am and get back from the gym at around 1:00am, not having even stopped to eat, not even taking weekends off. butt when it comes to this manual labor i'm at a loss. my mom finally left yesterday morning, and without direction of where to put my books, it seems with even with all my superpowers all i could do was just smoke a cigarette and stare at my books for like 2 hours. it was an astonishing display of immobilization and surprisingly unfruitful.

hmm... maybe i'll try and stare a bit harder. i've no idear.

hey do you guys remember way back when, when we were all young and gay- that century 21 (real estate, not discount store) commercial where the black family is able to buy their first house ever because she was helped by some century 21 white lady real estate agent? yeah well, the black lady that bought the house was crying because you know she's black and she's not ever supposed to own a house or something and i remember watching it as a yute and i started crying with the lady thinking ohhh that's so beautiful, what a wonderful story... century 21 is like nelson mandela or some shit...
well how come i own my own house now and i ain't crying yet??!?

dude! i am like the biggest drama queen i know. that meaningless story of a childhood memory was just to display the kinda sensitive guy i am... (ya got that ladies? sensitive) i mean like i just bought a house and i wanna be straight up bawling!!!

it's weird, i can be a very emotional kinda fellow butt honestly, i don't get affected by the epic things that happen to me in life. i always say maybe it hasn't hit me yet whenever these monumental events occur, butt dude... my best and closest friend since i was five years old, the closest guy to me in the whole world besides me mutha- died 9 years ago... shouldn't that have hit me by now?

anushow, i bought a house (apartment) and i wanna get so emotional and cry like the black lady on the century 21 commercial. ever since i saw that commercial like 26 years ago... since that fateful day, i have been waiting (26 years mind you) for that day of when i would buy my house and stand on my front lawn and just cry senselessly having to finally just bury my head into the chest of my black husband who would then wrap his muscular arms around me and console me whilst drops of sentiment from his eye would be streaming down his cheek as well...

well. that dream didn't really happen like i planned it... butt in the immortal words of willie d... damn it feels good to be a gangster

co-op boards are another story and another entry on another day...

although my house isn't on the market any longer, it's always an open house for the entire world. come by and see it and witness another step in the maturation of eugene the poogene.

i shoulda posted pics of the apartment in this post, butt my computer at home ain't setup.

i am a pretty happy poogene right now though...

serfdom's up!

i just got back from Elliot Zuckerman's surf school in strong island...

it was a beautiful sunset in long island tonight and that's when we were picked up by some of long island's finest beefcake in a wetsuit...

we drove out to this beautiful beach called anchor beach and aurelia, me and about 6 other students were ready to face the mammoth 1 footers that were galloping towards us. we started off on the beach doing pop-up drills, basically lying down on your board and then popping up to your feet as quickly as possible... i found myself to be a natural at this movement because i found it very similar to when i was younger and i would be having sex with my dog and then upong hearing my mom come home, i would have to pop-up very quickly and pretend i was teaching the dog to heel.

anushow, the first lesson you don't have to worry about paddling. aurelia and i got mr. zuckerman himself because he showed a slight affection towards aurelia. and she showed an equal admiration and effection for what he does for disabled children read the feel good pdf of the summer. this elliot zuckerman dude is gregarious, a stud on the waves, and a heart as big as his biceps.

he would push us out and we would just have to worry about standing up and sailing in. i got about 4 good runs all the way to the sand on my first day.

now... this thing that they mention. the magic feeling you get when you've caught one is indescribeable. i guess the longest i was up was for about maybe 10 seconds, butt i dunno i can't explain it... i guess for the people out there who are lucky enough to get laid every couple years or so, it might be comprable to sex.

i just can't remember how that feels...

ahem.

anushow. i strongly reccomend you go try it if you can, and if you got sixty bux- give it to this saint.

maybe don't go out there in a gay ass bathing suit like i did though. the waves hiked up about 80% of my bathing suit up my sphincter and i was exposing some serious nutsack to the manly men of long island who were trying to teach me how to surf... thank god aurelia was there. i think they thought we were together so some semblance of my heterosexuality was on display between my non-existent ass shining at them and my toenail polish.

as for me, i want to be one of them now... i want to go to hawaii and just drop everything and live on the beach. i want to feel what i felt tonight...

surf until i'm exhausted, after the ocean has twisted my body into various advanced ashtanga poses, heart exploding with adrenaline, and the body's muscles have reached a peaceful state of nirvana because they've been exhausted and relaxed by the therapeutic effect that water has on your bodacious bod... i'll then crawl over to the sand, crash on my back, smoke a cigarette and watch the sun set over the horizon...

sign me up!

serfs = laborers bound to the land
surfers = thrill seekers bound to the sea

fart!

poogene!

a very moving experience...

mid afternoon on saturday and i cannot for the life of me remember how to move. i suppose i'm buying some property and i close this tuesday and i cannot remember right now how to pack. do i need boxes? can i move into my new place before i paint it? do i really have to move everything? can't i leave some of it?

i guess i kinda need boxes.

dude...

i spent the glorious morning shooting a scene for paul and t.s. and then i went and had a splendid afternoon at the russian turkish baths. that place is mega-dope and then regulars are some of my favorite people in the world. some guy was there today that's been going since 63! then some other dudes just congregate on the sun deck and talk about real funny shit. today's story was some guy that had an uncle (uncle henry i think) and he was already a bit loopy, butt he collected a comic book called spy smasher (or something) and he put a cape on once and thought he was spy smasher and he hit his head against something metal and then was never the same since. he got enlisted to fight in world war II and then eventually got stuck with kamikaze shrapnel in his gut.

huh. that's doesn't sound funny at all now that i'm rewriting it, butt when they were going on about his uncle and how he's half retarded, shit was FUNNY.

hmm.. i guess i'm not being that great of a storyteller, butt anushow the regulars are like the cool kids at school. they're just these untouchable locals that have been going there for like 20 years and they just talk and own the place. i wanna get in with the fuckin' cool kids (they're like in their late 40s) at the bath house.

one day....


like this important looking tax shit that's on my desk here that is important butt i haven't referred to it in like 8 months. what do i do with this shit? do i need to pack this? where do you put this shit? if you were really my friend you would be here helping me pack. not even doing any laborious work, butt i just need someone to say, "there's your pile of wires, untangle them and loop them or something and throw em in a box"

oh yeah... on your way here if you could pick me up some boxes, that would be keen.

thanks!

basically. a big landmark of an event is happening to me tuesday butt i just don't know about it. i mean i know about it, butt i don't wanna really do nothing about it. i mean i s'pose i should get some boxes from the grocery story and pack, butt i'd much rather get looaioid or more likely just sit on my bed and look at my feet.

ugh.

what a pain, butt i guess i gotta do it. i like haven't blogged in like a week and i didn't want to today, butt it's like shit man, i guess i'd rather blog than throw my shit in a box.

hmm...

i just packed one box. i guess i'm not supposed to throw my cd's with my olive oil with my staple gun with my underwear in the same box butt does it really matter. i mean, people in ecuador aren't going to die because of it right? i mean yes it's wrong and i know it's wrong, butt i swear i have a good heart...

okay dudes. i gotta start.

maybe i'll call some more people and then start.

ugh.

i shouldn't have gotten loopy at the russian turkish baths. too loopy right now...

ugh.

i also learned today that i have absolutely no sense of how to act around members of the opposite sex. butt i'll tell you what i did do. after plunging in the cold pool at the baths, i was with a friend today and just trying to be ultra charismatic and charming and debonaire and what not only to have her say thirty minutes later, "uhhh dude, can you please wipe the yellow banana slug dripping from your nasal cavity"

when trying to roll out the charmy charms and you've just plunged into some body of water, always check the snout for some languid boogers dripping delicately out your nose. it's not the most erotic image...

that's what i learned today.

okay..

ummm, shit.

i hate this responsibility growing up shit.

ok so what. so i admit it. i'm not the best apartment mover and packer. so what. you gunna stop being my friend?

ugh! please! por favor! i'll pay you guys 18 cent if you come here and pack my shit? aren't there some minorities i can call in to do this shit for me?

shit. i guess i'm a minority.

well then, shouldn't i have learned how to do this manual labor crap in minority school? did i miss that lecture?

sux. this sux. this sux. this uxs. hits xus. shit sxu.

okay. i just threw another pencil in the box.

wow.

look at that.

productive poogene.

okay then.

i love you!

fart!

poogene!

hairy situation...

look at this isnance public restroom.


hmm...

so. i was shaving me pubes yesterday. not completely mind you, butt just a much needed pruning... now i was mainly concentrating on the area immediately surrounding my humongous penis which is about the same size and shape of a raisin, or a squished roly poly bug...

feel free to use whichever image draws more heat to your loins.

anusways, ass i was maniucuring the the lawn i was at a complete loss as to what to do with my treasure trail. the thigh area i guess i did a gradual fade out. a hi-top fade on the left side actually... butt the treasure trail. i mean. i think i kinda like my stomach hair, butt it looks kinda weird if there is like some hair on my stomach and then below the belt line you got peach fuzz pubes...

do guys with a lot of butt hair ever make cornrows? if i wasn't asian and i had an assload of ass hair, i would totes wanna try that.

also... next time i get head (which at my current pace might happen next may) i've decided that while she doing the said deed, i'm going to cornrow her hair.

i think that would be funny.

raising arizona has firmly reclaimed it's status as my #1 movie of all time...

that's all for today.

epic day at fire island today.... i so wish you were there.

fart!

eugene the poogene!

sunshine

hmm...

i thinks i only got a couple minutes to write today, because the weather is quite possibly the most beautiful i've ever seen it. shame on me for not leaving the apt until 1:20 in the pm... thing is is that i got a little befuddled before i went out and then was too cloudy to even leave the apt. butt i forced myself to at least make it to the russian turkish baths on 10th street. oh my LAWD! what a beautiful place to be on a beautiful day like today... just relaxing on the sun deck- gazing skyward into the opulent sunshine with my blueblockers, you are forgetful that you are even new york until the you lose focus of the sky and the conversation of 6 hardcore new york shvitsers come crawling back to your earhole... onia called and i met her at cafecito and convinced her that after lunch we go back to the baths. so we went and it was way dope. by now i was of clearer mind so i went to the gymnasty and was able to kinda work out a minnit.

last night i took the cardio strip tease class with carl at lafayette crunch. shit is fun butt not for the modest. and i ain't modest, butt i last night i was un poquito timido... people just really let loose the goose... maybe i was timid because i totally couldn't get the basic move of the forward wave that the pudgy hussy is demonstrating perfectly in this pic. don't worry. i am determined to nail it down. follow my progress... right here!

aurelia and i took about 100 pics on the mac book with effects. that was really really fun. heavy feelings with her...

hmm.. as candid as i wanna be on this blog, i can't completely let looose the goose with my feelings or experiences as i could a diary. that's a big bummer and exclusion to not be able to tell stories in depth of me being a little wasted or who i am ... whatevs. it is a big limitation to this whole blogging thing.

not the prettiest name in the world either... blog.

blog blog blog blog blog.

ugly word.


i just saw allison and we went and saw little miss sunshine. way cute and funny and dope. i loved it completely...

is this boring? maybe i should just make an entry on days when more exciting things happen...

i'll have a meeting with myself and decide... later.

i gotta go buy some frozen fruit.

fart!

poogene!

frooty bruthas

Today ass i was jaunting back from my jobby job's company bbq. me and my cohort andrew got caught up in a torrential downpour. we hid underneath some pizza place awning in greenwich village for about 8 minutes before we started running out of things to say to each other. rather than bask in the awkwardness i decided i was long overdue for one of those walks where you just get completely sopped. i suggested to my fellow coworker who is pretty much a stud... he being from a rural state and an outdoorsman extraordinaire (he looks like the boner pirate in the picture) that we shlep over to our respective gyms and just get wet and have fun in the deluge... in our goodybag there was a neoprene winesack that he put his phone into... i should have heeded this message for my ipod and work receipts for the past two weeks were doomed as i discovered later. anushow we were walking in a storm that was dumping water on us as if were directly below a bathtub faucet and we walked in this for about 12 blocks. i think my coworker is pretty awesome...

anusways, i get to the gym as soaked as a pair of panties worn by a girl that may have peeped a view of my leviathan like raging 1.3 inch penis. i dress into my gay ass shorty shorts only to realize that since my underwear is completely drenched that it made a huge wet spot that made me look like i gots no control of my urethra franklin. now these shorts are so short that if i were to sit on a bench at the gym, i would be exposing a small portion of my wrinkled prune of a nutsack for all of crunch gym's members to view. thus i decided to go into the sauna and lay my dolce & gabbana bikini underwear on the hot rocks in the sauna to quickly dry them. i patiently sat there butt naked in the dry sauna casually flipping my pansy ass panties over the rocks as if it were a piece of flank steak. another buff body came in and caught me and said, "dude! i don't want your underwear stank steaming up the sauna!"

that was a rather awkward moment in the poogene world i have to admit...

i'm actually surprised he could tell it was underwear. it looks more like a headband.

i'm pissed about my ipod.

i just saw immortal beloved and totally beloved it.

beethoven rox!

okay.

thanks!

love you!

fart!

poo!

orgasm donor

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOT KATE!!!!

I can't really talk to you what I want to talk to you about today... so i'll talk some other shit. He tenido mi primero clase en espanol en lunes. Is that right? It's my summer of learning. By the end of this summer I expect to be a master ballerina, surfer, spanish speaker, and gymnasty. It's mi hermana's Kathryn Duyn's birthday today so I'm gunna litter my post with some shots in her tributa.

You know what's great about writing? It makes me more observant towards the world. Like now, I don't only walk outside and shit, I actually walk outside and observe what's going on and wanna write about it.

Like two dudes walking around soho yesterday with their shirts off. There needs to be an explicit rule that guys can't do that. On spring street?!??!?! I mean... who do they think they are!??! ME?

Anushow i dunno why it's more disturbing for me to find to fit handsome guys to be walking around topless then some fat puerto rican dude on in the loisada... is it their motive? i mean yes, i realize it's hot, butt if the guy is fit and handsome and takes off his shirt does that make him an arrogant ass? and if a fat older puerto rican dude does it on avenue c, why is it that it's totally not outta place. And i know it's not because i'm a straight male (forget the fact that i'm writing in pink), because i would think women would find this cheesy too. no? i mean i would much rather hang out with the FPG than the two stellar studs. what if the two stellar homoze are just hot, can they take off their shirts because it's hot and not look like assholes because their abs are almost as ripped as mine?

please don't misunderstand when i say fat puerto rican. i'm just thinking of one neighborhood local int particular...

weird.

hmmm.. dunno. maybe. i doubt it. guys who walk around with their shirts off are in soho are in my book cox, butt i wear things that are pretty obscene so who am i to talk... and in keeping true with my "i should try to love everyone" doctrine on some slight level, i could see myself having a sit down with 'em and talk about whey protein powder. you know... how like isolate protein is metabolized better than concentrate.

anushow.

more later...

fart!

poo!

pooetry classic time! - June 20, 2000

(thanks for the pic peepee!)


(Summer 2000 begins right around 9:48pm EST 6/20/2000)

Hot hot (pant) hot hot (pant) hot hot (pant) hot hot (capri-pant)...

Jesus man... I can't even believe how many beautiful people are out there walkin' the streets right now shakin' their thangs all up in my face.... I swear to god I walked to the corner store last night and seriously considered proposing to 14 women. In fact i did ask six of 'em- and of course none said yes.

Well actually one didn't say anything.

Well, actually she couldn't talk... er- well actually she was a bird... Uhhhh- well yeah, (heh!) ummm... see actually I don't even know if it was a she because, well uhhh- I didn't check to see if the damn bird had any nards.

Hm. I wish the bird could talk though... I mean outta the six, I really think i had shot with this bird... Dejected, i walked home thinking about this unrequited love... wishing there were more parrots or cockatoo's in the city instead of these useless no talkin' pathetic pigeons that litter my area and just tease me... I guess I shouldn't think about them OWL the time- I just hope cupid's SPARROW find's my heart someday- hot BIRDing desire- the day i find a true love will be a hiSTORK event- sometimes i get so horny i just wish i could get a bird to sick my DUCK- huh?!??!?

Poogene... please stop.

So this morning I got up just like every other day. I walked over to the fridge to grab a hot dog so I could look at something entertaining while I went poo... Making my way to the toilet, I sat down to manufacture some poo from my anus. The heat & humidity of this summer air were strong and ass I got- up my butt skin peeled off the hot porcelain love seat like a fruit roll up, (fruit leather if you're 23 & under). I decided to hop in the shower and let the anal juice rinse down my leg in the shower. I went in the shower and started thinking about how ingenious pork is whilst I soaped up my back. Ass I was doing this, some of the glycerin foam slowly started to make it's way down my back into the joyous canal which is my ass crack. I began to giggle at the sensation ass it was reminiscient of the good ol' times my uncle would burn the crack pipe on my creamy inner thighs when i was nine and my aunt would pop a boner, while my mom would fart to the tune of "How great thou fart" and my dad would say, "Look family, I am a thorny grape with baboon sauce!!!" and would proceed to drive around town with a bannana tiara...

Ahhhh, blissful sweet childhood memories...

Anushow, as the glycerin foam entered the crack I simultaneously laid one of my more pretentious farts in quite a while. It left my colon and caused my happy tender cheek-a-roni's to ripple in the wake of it... "Flap! Flap! Flap!" my happy tender cheek-a-roni's said to me!!! "Hello" I cheerily greeted back to my happy flappy anus! It was a fart so long that I thought to myself, "Damn Poogene! This is long fart!!!" The fart was so long in fact that even after I finished thinking to myself, "Damn Poogene! This is a long fart!" it continued for several seconds longer!!! In fact I could have even thought to myself, "Damn Poogene this is a really long fart... Let me repeat! Damn Poogene this is a really long fart!!" and it still would have been spewing out my sphincter even then. Butt why would I think that twice?!?! That would be redundant and illogical... I guess that is why I thought "Damn Poogene this is a really long fart!" only once instead of twi- Waaaaait!!!!!

Wait just a cotton colon butt pickin minnit!!!!! I seem to have gotten a bit off track here-- er... What was I talking about?!?!?! Oh yeah! The reason I find six year old boys so sexy is because they're asses are so damn tig- HEY!!!! No, uh- I guess I wasn't really talking about that...

Ummmmmm... As the sinewy soap suds surrounded my sphincter, I laid this tremendous fart which produced a bubble so grandoise that I had to wrap myself around it. The bubble burst through my apartment and next thing I knew I was above the streets of Manhattan looking down at a young girl shouting, "Mommy! Mommy! Look at the the naked pansy flying on the bubble like a retarded, ugly, baboon!!!!" I cheerily laughed and waved back to her and threw her a dingleberry with a hair or three still tangled in it- for lack of anything else to give her (i was nekkid, mind you). She caught it with one hand and started eating it... I heartily laughed again, winked at her, and gave her a knowing nod of approval... Such a CHEERY season.

CHEERY CHEERY CHEERY.

Everything was going so smooth until I passed by an advertisement for a new brand of cashmere toilet paper!!! This made me even more CHEERY. Next thing I knew my penis started getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger... until it stood fully erect at a magnificent 1.327 inches!!!!! I looked down beaming with pride at my Mr. Big making me even more CHEERY. Then- my humongous piece of meat poked the through and burst my bubble and I landed all butt nekkid and shit on the dirty sidewalk... I was all dirty and bruised from the fall, butt felt satisfied that I could now say, "I popped my cheery" (er- sorry) I gave myself a pat on the back for a job well dung.

May the warmth and light of this sunny season brighten up everyone's mood and allow us to take things less seriously and have more fun because more fun ROOOLZ!!!!!

Hope all of you get to experience a lot of hot shit this summer and of course I love you all...

fart!

Your sphincter messiah,

Eugene the Poogene